My Heart Is Nuclear

I'd Rather Walk Alone

I sit down on my bed next to Courtney, apparently she noticed that I'm not feeling gleeful, since I can feel her putting her hand on my shoulder as I'm sitting down.
'So... what do you want to tell me?' Courtney asks for a second time.
'Do you mind long stories?' I ask, as I tell her the full story of everything that has been bugging me: Everything from the fact that I've been in love with Shayne for two years, to the current day. Yes, I even told her about the complete chaos that ensued in my mind when I was sharing a bed with him last night. From the look on her face I take away that my story most definetely surprised her.
'So that's the reason you act so weird sometimes,' she says jokingly. 'I would've never guessed that Shayne was the reason though.'
I can immediately feel my entire face turn red, 'God, I should have never bothered you with this...'
'Damien! You're not bothering me, you know that all your secrets are safe with me.' I can feel Courtney's left arm embracing me.
'Although...' she says silently, hoping I don't hear her.
'Although what?'
'I don't really understand... do you want advice or something?'
'Well... I just needed someone to vent to,' I say while wrapping my arm around Courtney. Our embracement turns into a hug, but it gets cut short once we notice that someone walks into the cabin.

Shayne's P.O.V

Anger, sadness and confusion are the only three emotions I feel when I realize what I'm seeing.
'Oh... shit,' I hear one of them say, I'm too disturbed to pay attention to who's words they were.
'I-I'm interrupting... I'll leave,' I say, walking right back in the direction I came from. As I'm leaving tears start flowing down my face. I saw with my own eyes that he was cuddling with Courtney. I knew that the chance of me getting with him was almost non-existent, but being confronted with the truth just hurts so much.
'Hey Shayne!' I hear someone shout in the distance, god, I hope it isn't Damien or Courtney, those are the last people I want to see right now. I look at the person who called me, and let out a sigh of relief. It's Mari. I quickly wipe of my tears and put on a fake smile.
'I came to ask if you wanna join us while we test out Wes's new drone,' Mari says as she walks up to me.
'Uhm, I just want to have some alone time right now... I'll join you guys later.'
That was a lie. I'm not planning on joining them at a later moment, but anything to escape the crowd and be on my own.
'Oh, okay,' Mari says as she walks away from me. The only thing I desire is to lock myself up somewhere and just cry when I see that Damien and Courtney are both walking to the spot where Mari had just invited me to, eventually I decide to return to my cabin. There's the risk that Damien unexpectedly comes in and catches me crying, but at least I'll be completely alone for at least some time. When I look at Damien and Courtney having fun together while spectating Wes performing tricks with his drone, my tears of sadness turn into tears of anger. I know that it's completely unfair of me to be mad at them, but seeing them having fun like that feels like a stab to the heart. Suddenly the idea that they did it on purpose to agigate me starts lingering in my mind, I do my best to shake the feelings of anger off, because I know that it isn't their fault. Once inside the cabin, I land on my bed and start bawling my eyes out

Damien's P.O.V

Courtney and I are sitting at one of the tables outside Matt and Ryan's cabin. Seeing Wes fly his drone was quite a sensation to say the least: he lost control of it mid-flight and it almost dropped onto Noah's head, luckily no one got harmed, not even the drone. Our conversation is mostly small talk until Courtney brings up the incident with Shayne.
'He looked so taken aback when he saw us,' Courtney said, checking around if Shayne wasn't secretly listening, 'I think he was dissapointed...'
Courtney laughs, but I can't really see the fun in it.
'Well, first off, nice optimism Court, but you know how my mind works, I'm a huge pessimist. What if he thinks that we have something together... and I've ruined the miniscule chances I already had?'
'Well, he seemed kinda sad when he caught us hugging... he looked almost heartbroken,' Courtney says, while swatting away some flies that flew right into her face.
'Oh god,' I've made up another doomsday scenario in my head, but this time it seems like this one has a bigger chance of happening, 'What if he looked so heartbroken because he's in love with you, Courtney, and when he saw us hugging...'
'...he thought we were a couple.' Courtney finishes my sentence, and says exactly what I was thinking. We both grimace, not long after that I let out a big sigh.
I rest my head on my hands, 'You know, our "incident" probably didn't even affect anything...' While I talk I can see Courtney's smile disappearing. '...Shayne isn't even gay anyway and even if he was, what are the chances he's in love with me?'
Right as I say that Courtney grabs my hands to comfort me. It's harsh but deep down I know I'm right, I need to stop drooling and worrying over Shayne if it's not even going to matter anyway.
'Thanks Court,' I say as I remove my hands out of Courtney's grip and get off my seat.

Shayne's P.O.V

During dinner, Damien and I mostly ignored eachother. I did my best to not show any sadness, I really hope that I didn't let anything slip and let him notice. Now that it's night-time and I'm inside the cabin, I realize something. I'm going to have to share a bed with Damien again, after what happened even the thought of him has me on the verge of tears.
'Be mature and suck it up Shayne,' I think to myself while grabbing my pajama bottoms out of my suitcase. I take off my shirt and my trousers, put my pajama bottoms on and get under the covers. Just then Damien walks in.
'Oh, you're already in bed,' he says.
'Thanks Damien, I hadn't noticed yet,' I say back in a sarcastic manner, right then the image of Damien and Courtney hugging flashes through my mind again, and tears start to form.
'It was so hot last night,' he takes off his shirt and gets in bed. For a quick second I blush, but then I realize that he's talking about the temperature.
'Goodnight,' I say quickly, as I put away my phone and lay down. Whoa, that might have sounded a bit cold.
'G-goodnight,' I hear him say back, and he puts out the light. Once it is completely silent the memories of today creep up again, the entire image of Damien holding Courtney pops up again. I try my best to think of something else, but for some reason, I Can't Forget It.