Pick A Side

Part 13

"I don't want this thing to get any bigger than it already is... I just hope it dies down quickly and quietly. That is all I want now. I have no answer either. But somehow the world makes me feel that as the victim, finding the culprit, seeking justice, is not my priority", Jihyun explained and stood up to leave.

"Jihyun...", you called out to her.

She didn't turn around but she did stop moving towards the café's door.

"Don't be fooled into thinking that he's on your side...", you preached.

She suddenly felt a surge of irritation, she spun around and stalked back towards Taehyung and you.

"My side? Then are you on my side? Is he on my side?", she raged as she pointed at Taehyung. "Just because he's here with you, you think he's on your side now? You should be the one being worried about getting fooled, Y/N. Don't be too happy now... we may all be in the same boat in the end."

You suddenly felt a sense of embarrassment and a tinge of guilt. Who were you to be preaching a lesson to her? Everyone faces life with a different set of lenses. We have experienced different things, we have met different people, we have walked different paths. Thus, the specifications of our lenses cannot be the same. Even when we face that same landscape, that same frame, how we capture it and how the final picture develops, will ultimately be dependent on those lenses.

You watched Jihyun walk out of the café and you thought to yourself, we always assume people share the same values and the same world view as us. That's why it is difficult to understand when they see things differently from us. And when we don't understand why they don't think like us, we conclude that they stand against us, that they are on the other side.

Jihyun stalks on, her winter boots clicking against the dull pavement. She kept her eyes on the ground as she walked along. She never used to be this way. She used to enjoy seeing the view on her way, but now she just doesn't want to meet anyone's eyes. The moment she does, she wonders whether they know about her, whether they are judging her.

Out of nowhere, you rushed out in front of her, cutting her path. She was befuddled at your persistence. But then again, maybe you are just desperate to save Taehyung from this situation. You will probably never see it from her view – that what you are asking her to do, is to believe a guy who has hurt and abandoned her, and to give up on one who had supported her through the most difficult times.

"Jihyun, I'm trying to-", you started

"Y/N,", Jihyun sighed and you immediately stopped talking, because you know you needed to hear her out, you needed to figure out what kind of lenses she has now. "Is it weird if I think that you must be happy this happened to me? Is it weird that I think you must also be happy to know that Taehyung never truly loved me? Even if it's weird, that is what I think. And I have been suppressing and suppressing it, telling myself to not see you as the same petty person that I am. But here you are, making me doubt the only person that is keeping me stable now. Don't... push me further please, I think I might really go crazy...", Jihyun's words were just pouring out.

"You are petty...", her face said it all, she was shocked that you would say it so abruptly and directly, "... but so am I. All the times Taehyung took your side. Every time I saw your triumphant smile, it's as if I was the pettiest girlfriend who ever existed. I always thought to myself, I hope one day you will be in my shoes and will realise how it felt. But I'm not happy now either, Jihyun...", you said.

She was skeptical, she even scoffed lightly but that did not deter you from explaining, "... because I was the one who went around drawing those lines, separating myself from this person, from that person. If you are not standing on my side of the line, I get hurt. With these rules I made for myself, how can I ever expect to be happy?"