Dear diary,
It is nearly time for holidays I will get 2 weeks off and I plan to pick up some extra shifts and work full time to put some money aside in my savings. I have also started doing some cash in hand baby sitting some days during the week if I don't have too much homework to do. With mum being in hospital it has put a huge financial strain on me and because I am an adult dad isn't obligated to pay child support. I get a little bit from centrelink and so does mum but we are still worried about finding a house or unit that will be suitable for our budget. I have been talking to dad a little bit but I haven't told him about mum she is certain she doesn't want him to know. I am starting to think maybe something more than them just falling out of love went down but neither of them want to tell me and they both change the subject when I bring it up. Dad seems to be really enjoying his new life in Darwin on his own he has a new job and has already made new friends I don't want to say I am angry or jealous because I am happy for him, I really am but I guess I have been feeling a lot of stress with everything going on down here it makes me wonder weather maybe I didn't make the right choice to stay down here? But I feel horrible even thinking that because mum is so unwell. It's just Dad seems to be the happiest he has been in years now that he is free of mum and I and I can't help but wonder if I was even part of his plan to move with him? Did he know I wouldn't be able to leave mum? Or my course? Or even my home of 18 years? I have been feeling really alone and to be honest I haven't wanted to disclose any of this to anyone not even Kaileah and definitely not Mary what happens if I end up in hospital like mum? Then who will pay the bills? my family have enough to deal with, with mum being sick without having to worry about my own mental health.
Dear diary,
I have been struggling with everything lately my work is suffering and so is uni. I am falling behind on my assignments and making silly mistakes at work, stuff I should know like the back of my hand! I'm not sleeping very well either, it's like my brain won't switch off. I have so much to do in so little time but my brain won't function properly for me to do what I need to do. Mary has started to notice and has questioned me a few times in our sessions but I am not answering her questions,I have this "If I don't admit to struggling is it even happening?" kind of mentality going on but its not helping. I don't know who to turn to? I don't know who I can trust? Mary has suggested I talk to my GP about going on antidepressants but I refuse she has also suggested I see a psychiatrist but I have refused that as well. "They can't force me to can they?"
Dear diary,
It has been 3 weeks since mum has been admitted to hospital and I try and go and see her most days. I noticed her psychiatrist looking funny at me today and I asked mum about it, she seems so out of it these days with the medications they have her on. She told me I am looking too much into it, they are probably making sure we are getting along and I'm not getting upset. "Maybe you are right?" I said. But as I went to say goodbye to mum and leave her psychiatrist came up to me and asked to have a private chat. I asked if everything was okay with mum's treatment and he said he wanted to talk about another matter privately. I followed Dr. Holland into a small room with 2 arm chairs and a coffee table that had a note pad and pen placed on top. Dr. Holland told me to take a seat as he sat down he picked up the pen and notepad, I honestly thought he was going to tell me how mum was going and maybe give me a discharge date? but he didn't. We sat there for what seemed like an eternity of silence before he asked me how I was coping with everything that was going on. I was shocked so I lied I told him that I was doing well and that I just wanted mum home. He wrote down what I was telling him and paused for ages before he told me he can tell I am breaking under the pressure and that he wanted to help. I told him I am seeing Mary and that there is nothing to worry about that I can't handle. He asked me how I was sleeping? and how uni was going? I told him fine. Then he broke it to me that Mary had called him because she knew he is mum's Dr and she told him she had noticed I have become more and more withdrawn in our recent sessions and she wanted him to assess me to see if he thought I needed to be sectioned to the ward. I lost it! How fucking dare she! I hardly know her I have only been seeing her for a couple of months. I haven't told her much at all and so what if I don't want to talk! She said in the first place she is happy to get to know me at my pace. Dr. Holland tried to tell me that I need to calm down but I lost it even more and got up and walked out. I cancelled my next appointment with Mary that stunt she pulled with Dr. Holland was uncalled for. I have received so many missed calls and emails from Mary since I cancelled that I can't count them all. The next time I went to visit my mum she seemed really worried about me and started to ask me heaps of questions but I wouldn't tell her anything, then she told me Dr. Holland warned her I could be sectioned onto the ward if I don't start talking.
YOU ARE READING
The diary of a uni student.
Novela JuvenilSophie is a 2nd year University student studying to become a script writer when her parents told her they where getting a divorce naturally she was devastated this is her diary of what she goes through and where she ends up.
