𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐞𝐬 , 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐬. // 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥

𝒂 𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝑩. ♡

there are just some things that are out of our control. but this doesn't mean we can make excuses for our mistakes. 

that's what you do, B. you pretend that you're perfect and never make mistakes and when you do, it's always someone else's fault. 

this time, it really is your fault. it's all your fault. i mean, why would you let your mom - who's a hardcore addict - smoke your weed and drink your stupid patron? why would you trust her not to tell your stepdad? 

well, guess what she did. and look at where we're at now. 

the thing is, B, i wasn't even upset that you were using again. nope. what hurt me the most was that you sincerely promised me you wouldn't get caught again. 

what a throwback, huh. i think it was shortly after my birthday. you came to me and told me that your mom found everything. she kicked you out and even threatened to call the cops on you if you didn't hand everything over. 

it was a crazy week for the both of us. 

where did you end up staying, by the way? you never answered when i asked. maybe to protect your pride. i assumed you were staying with trey, since you called me from his house one night. 

wow, looks like i've brought things full circle. that night when you called me, you promised me, swore you wouldn't do anything stupid to get yourself caught again. 

i believed you. 100% i believed you. i thought that maybe the thought of losing your friends and not being able to play football or basketball again would stop you from using again. 

so tell me why you went home last night from madison's crossfaded. i was at my dad's when your stepdad called my dad. i heard their conversation, B. how could you do something so stupid and arrogant and selfish? 

your stepdad was threatening to tell your coaches. do you have any idea how bad that would've been? 

i couldn't stop crying last night. maybe i felt bad for you. felt bad i'm too small to help you. or maybe i was worried about you. worried about your future. but i do know that i felt a deep, writhing anger. it was an intense feeling, and it was exhausting. i still feel that lingering hatred and anger. 

you make me sick, B. 

what happened to that boy i matched with on halloween in third grade? or the boy i would crack "yo mama" jokes with when our moms were sitting next to us in middle school? or the boy who trained and practiced to join the high school football team freshman year? 

and it isn't just you, we both know. i changed a lot over the years we've known each other. 

but i always wonder, what happened? did your coke-snorting mom finally get to you? 

cause i really miss our old friendship. 

-s.