yknow how people do redraws? (which i will be doing soon-) well i wanted to try and do a rewrite. throughout the school day yesterday i rewrote a poem i wrote months ago. the poem was supposed to describe the feelings that went through my head almost daily. i'll put the original version below the new version.
new:
as i pick up my pencil
and stare at the paper
my motivation is stolen from me
my mind
once so full of ideas
is blank
that's when i hear it
a voice
barely more than a whisper
coming from the paper
but that's impossible
but i can hear it
i lean in close
trying hear what it's saying
what it's trying to tell me
it's so faint
"..eel?"
what did it say
it was a question
that much is clear
i lean in again
hesitantly
"what do you feel?"
i'm startled
do i respond
talk to an object
that can't talk
that is talking
i gather my courage
and answer
honestly
"i feel...lost"
i stare
for a moment
there is silence
then
"show me"
i blink
and say nothing
i'm confused
i wrack my brain
wondering
how
i speak after a moment
"...but how?"
i'm sure now
i must be insane
or headed there
i'm startled out of my thoughts
once again
"do what you do best"
i pause
more confused now
than before
"and that is...?"
i thought i could hear it
smirking
the next time it spoke
"you know, create.
hmmm
draw a picture
on this paper"
i'm unsure of what to do
i'm going crazy
i must be
despite this
i pick up my pencil
once again
and start
lines turn into limbs
circles into a head
torso
chest
"hmm, interesting
very...unique"
each word
feels like a hammer to my brain
and yet
i barely hear it
i'm frantic
my pencil scratching the paper
loudly
limbs become misshapen
heads and torsos
stretch and compress
becoming monsters
tears fall down off my face
drowning the monsters
and i'm pressing too hard
grey lines become black
i vaguely hear the voice
pleading
"wait! stop, no! please-!"
my hand finally lifts
the paper now dead
a tear right through the middle
i listen
i strain to try and hear it
though all there is
is eerie silence
my head is once again
quiet
too quiet
did i
kill it
it
an inanimate object
that spoke to me
and i spoke to it
"hello?"
nothing
the world stands still
there is nothing
"are..are you there?"
but i am left
with only myself
no voice
no one
nothing
alone.
original:
I pick up my pencil
I look down at the paper
What to draw?
What to create?
I hear a voice
I look back down at the paper
It whispers to me
"What do you feel?"
I stare
Startled
"I feel...lost"
I wait for a second
I wonder if I really heard a voice
Or if I'm going insane
"...show me"
I'm startled out of my thoughts
I hesitantly speak again
"But...how?"
This time I'm sure the voice is real
But how is this possible?
"Do what you do best"
I'm confused
I just stare for a few seconds
"And that is...?"
The voice lets out a small laugh
I'm even more confused now
"Create, draw"
I hesitate
Then pick up my pencil
One line
A circle here
Shapes everywhere
"Interesting..."
I barely hear the voice
My once carefully detailed drawing
Is now frantic scribbles
Tears fall down my face
Faster than I can wipe them away
"Wait! Stop!"
My hand flies over the paper
Every line is etched deep
One particularly hard stroke and-
"No!"
The paper rips in half
I stop
I'm breathing heavily
I stare in shock at the paper
"...hello?"
I wait a beat
Did I..
Kill the voice?
Is that even possible?
"Are...are you there?"
Where did it go?
I'm utterly confused
And alone
