Lan Zhan's Promises (WangXian) Book 2

My Requited Love

My Wei Ying, 

I don't expect you to understand why I did what I did.

Despite how I chose to come about it there was going to be pain; we were both going to hurt.

I wish I could've warned you, given you a heads up of what I was doing but I knew what you'd do.

Unintentionally, you would talk me out of it, and I'd go back to loving you the way I always had.

Losing you was the hardest thing I'll ever have to do but we both needed better. To love someone like you I had to lose myself, and that, I could not do any longer.

For the years I had known you, you'd been my whole life, you were everything I needed.

You were my first love, a love that was so painful, so innocent, and so misplaced. I wanted nothing but the best for us and that's not what we would receive.

Im so exhausted when i see you in pain, Im so useless Wei Ying ....

Don't think for a moment you weren't what I needed because at some point you were everything to me, I'm just not at that point any more. It was hard to see myself without you, it was like pieces of my heart were falling out but I couldn't let that stop me.

We both had to be happy and for some time I could tell we weren't.
You never showed me the love

I showed you and I suppose that's what hurt the most, yet, for some reason I still found a way to love you.

I couldn't watch us be this way any longer, I couldn't be unhappy anymore, and I couldn't watch myself fade away. So I let you go, piece by piece, day by day, I let you be free of me.

We never belonged together despite what people said, I would never be your equal and you could never find a way to love me the way I did you. I had to finally realize I was loving you between a brick wall. You couldn't give me anything back the wall was too big.

One day you'll understand. One day you'll see me and understand why I did what I did.

One day you'll realize we needed our lives and for that we couldn't have each other any longer.

That brick wall was all we saw on the path we were taking, a path that had no road map, an endless path of nothing.

I needed my life, I needed more, but you didn't need me, you never needed me.

I don't know if you think of me anymore, or look back at the memories we once had but I do.

Even with the way we let things end I still only wish the best for you. Despite what you think of me, I'll always have room to love you, but I love you so much I had to let you go.

Thank you for all the memories.

You make me the happiest man on earth and I say this without the slightest bit of exaggeration.

Your jokes are so ridiculous. They always catch me off guard and have me smirk everytime i hear you laugh.

I have not met anyone else who has the same insanely childish, but extremely refreshing humor that you have.

Your stories, on those rare moments you let yourself be vulnerable in front of me, are so captivating.

Of course, I thought to myself, you have to have come from all those complexities in order to be as remarkably awesome as you are now. And our love, our love was a thing that burned ever so fiercely.

At times it became too hot it hurt, but for the most part, it gave me an unparalleled warmth.

It was a kind of love that embraced my whole being and nestled me in its gentle comfort.

But I can't hold on to you. It's true, we can have everything in this world, but never all at once.

If I chose you, I'd have to let go parts of my ambition. I have to sacrifice, because relationships are made possible by sacrifices, opportunities that could advance my career as a great Hangguang Jun, but harm our relationship.

As much as I try to convince myself otherwise, it's an either or situation, at least at this point in our lives.

I will not regret to Love you..

Wei Ying do you hear my agony??