I Thought Three Was A Crowd

Chapter 11: Mentally Stuck

I woke up in tears the next morning. I had a nightmare of my 6th Birthday. I only remember what happened that day. Not the excitement I felt but the pain I endured. Spending your birthday in a bed of tears and another cloth less body wasn't my idea a best birthday ever. I laid in the bed. I had been there for about 3 hours. Not including the time I was asleep. I just wasn't feeling the day. I was in slump. Ashley wanted a child. I couldn't even have children. The thought and argument just brought back some many memories. All the pain I went through. The beatings. I couldn't handle the topic. Jordan slept in one of the guest room because he wanted me to spend some tome to myself. Ashley slept in another room. She didn't want to talk to any one of us. But she couldn't be mad at me for my wants, right? I just cried and stayed in bed all day. Let the storm pass and see what happens. I texted Jayla and told her that I wasn't coming in today. Even with only half of the stack of paper I had piled on my desk I just wasn't in the mood. I went downstairs once to go and get me something to eat and I didn't see or hear anyone in the house. About an hour later I got up and got dressed and left the house because I had to go to my therapy session. I walked passed the room that Ashley was in and stood there for about 3 seconds. I wanted to knock on the door but I couldn't. What would I say? I would only make the situation worst. I started walking to the door and Jordan ran up behind me to wish me well. He wanted to ride with me but I denied him. I felt that I needed to be alone. I drove to my therapy session and went though it like usual. The therapist gave me some advice that sounded good but I wasn't really up to pursuing it. The day went by. I couldn't eat anything. My head started to hurt. I tried to go do some work but I was tired. I couldn't function all day. I sat in my chair at my desk and just stared. I thought about everything going on. I started to breath fast and hard. My heart started beating fast and I could barely breath. I didn't know what was going on. But I know it wasn't right? I dropped to the ground and put my knees in my face. I started to cry really hard. My office doors were sound proof so nobody heard me. I just let go. I couldn't do anything. I guess my therapy session didn't help. I sat there crying for about 30 minutes. After that I just had my dried up tears on my face. I stared into space for about 5 minutes before I fell asleep. When I woke up to someone calling my name.
"Kelly!" Jordan called out for me.
"Kelly, wake up!" Jordan called out for me again.
I woke up and Jordan was hovering over me. He saw the tears in my eyes and hugged me. He sat down next to me. His knees to his chest and his arms rested on them.
"So, what's up?" He asked calmly.
I shrugged my shoulders.
"Well there's something going on if you here crying."
"I don't know. I'm just not in the mood today."
I put my head in my knees. He moved closer to me.
"Well, when your in the mood you wanna talk?"
I shook my head still in my knees. He laid up against me. I needed this. Just some comfort. Something to hold onto. I picked my head up and laid up against him. He put his arms around me.
"Remember when it was just us. Just me and you."
Jordan said breaking the silence in the office.
"Yea."
"Fun times."
I shook my head.
"Now it's three of us. Who knew?"
I smiled. He smiled at me.
"Yea. Crazy, huh?" I said.
"Yea but it's cool. I mean, we all care for each other. We care for each other and would do anything for each other. As long as we love each other that's all that matters."
He was right. I still lived Ashley. A lot.
"If you told me that I would be in a relationship with two other girls, 20 years ago I wouldn't believe you. But know that it is here, I wouldn't ask for anything more."
"Awww, baby." He hugged me and kissed me. He always knew how to make me better. When he moved from my lips, he looked in my eyes. And we just stayed there. Looking. Knowing. Wanting. He came back to kiss me and this time, he didn't stop.