Songs

August of 2019

I wasn't told anything yet,
But I lay awake that night in a still unfamiliar bed,
The house is mine, but it is not home,
I cried just like when I was small,
Remember? In your arms, wrapped into your warmth,
My breath was lost on my lips because I knew,
Oh, I knew very well,
I'll never get to see you again,
I'll never get to say goodbye,
And kiss the lid of your eye,
I'll never get to feel your warmth,
And I'll never tell you meaningless things before bed,
Oh and how I'll miss you when I see,
You're not there on my wedding day,
Or how I'll cry when I call my child by your name,
But maybe I'll be your child again,
Your little sunshine and your little love,
And you'll be my sunflower, my fairy,
Just like you were in this life,
And everything will be the same,
But better because you'll be still around,
And we won't remember the pain, and the sorrow from those months,
those long forgotten silent screams on the night when I knew but wasn't yet told,
Oh, I do hope I'll be your child again.

You told me I was your sunshine,
Your only sunshine,
That I lit up the days where skies were gray,
I can't know if that was true,
But I doubt it was,
Because in my eyes you shone so bright,
Even in the night as I cuddled close,
And how could I, a dark little cloud, light up the sky of someone so found?
So warm and nice, so kind and brave,
I could never compare,
But that no longer matters, because I'm here and you are there,
You're in every sunflower field and every ocean wave,
In every warm sun beam and every scented quince,
In the smell of vanilla and coconuts,
In the taste of ice cream,
And I'm just existing on this earth, in this time and space,
Waiting for the sunflower to bloom again,
Waiting for the next ocean wave to hit the shore,
Basking in the sun as I pick the fresh quince from my garden,
Smelling the vanilla and coconut treats,
Eating an ice cream with delight,
As I wait for us to be reunited.