Lord Liverchester

Chapter 17

No amount of wishing would ever bring those days back. I knew when we left Kingstingham, there was no going back. It was nothing but sad, there was no silver lining. We walked back through the woods, silent. No words could ever heal my heart. Hugging Dorian goodbye was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I held it together until he was gone, and I broke down. Our time away from each other was temporary, but I still cried. I was mourning the loss of a life I may never have again. I thought returning home would heal me in some way. I thought the familiar sounds of the forest and the running water of the nearby creek would empty my mind and stop my worries. I wasn't entirely wrong. I did feel better, sitting outside while the wind blew leaves over the grass. I sat on the doorstep with Artois and watched the world, finding peace there. The flowering trees still lost their petals all across the earth, painting the green grass white and pink. The sky was blue, no clouds or rain for days. Each day was the same, sitting out there and listening to nature. The clean air filled my lungs and eased every worry before they could even manifest. Animals ran through the yard, some big, some small. But every creature was welcome all the same. This was my home, and I would return there. I closed my eyes and repeated that sentiment, all through the day and well into the night. There was always something at the back of my mind, something I couldn't shake. I missed Dorian so much, reliving our last words to each other on repeat. I could still see him limping away into the forest on his way back home. I cried myself to sleep thinking about it, but then I reminded myself it was temporary; I would see him again. Even with the calm forest and my friendly foxes, I still felt like part of me was missing. I kept telling myself that it wouldn't be that bad, and I slowly started to believe it. I held it together and the worry slipped away. It came and went in waves. One minute I was inconsolably sad, sobbing and hugging a pillow that still smelled like Dorian's cologne. Then I would snap out of it and clean up the house. I spent a lot of time sorting and packing, just like I'd been asked to do. There was a list of things that we would need on our trip, and I was in charge of gathering these things. I packed up all the medicine, food, blankets, and comforts of home. Dorian was preparing his boat and technical things, venturing all over Devonbury. I hoped he was well, but as the electrical pulse that sent through my body every time I thought about him was still strong, I didn't have to wonder. I could still hear his voice in my head, a song that he sang only for me. I could swear I also heard him give me updates on what he was doing. Whether he was, or it was just wishful thinking again, it put me at ease.

The morning of the day we were set to leave, I took a warm bath in my garden. Before I'd left North Chesterington, I put the tub out there so I could truly relax. Even back then, I knew my future self would thank me. I surely did, soaking and watching the wind blow the tree tops. I closed my eyes and prayed one last time, repeating and taking from every other prayer I'd said over the past few weeks. It wasn't anything new, but reiterating the same topics couldn't hurt. I had plenty of time to think things over, going over the list in my head one more time. I got dressed and dragged the bags of clothes, bedding, and food outside, sweeping through the house one more time, then again, before Dorian arrived. It was a lot to carry, so our animals came to help. I was excited to be reunited with Dorian, so I ran around the house a few times, checking the forest to see if he was coming. Even when I saw his dark coat brushing past the trees and his messy hair blowing in the wind, I didn't stop running. I hid and waited for the crunching leaves to get closer. He stopped in front of the house, and I ran out, throwing my arms around him. I held him, running my hands over the soft fur of his coat. It felt so good to hold him again, to smell him. All I'd had to remind me what his face looked like was the painting above my fireplace. I'd been sleeping on the couch so I had some semblance of his comfort with me in the room. It wasn't quite the same, because it couldn't talk to me or sing me to sleep. He kissed my forehead and picked up the heavier bags, throwing them over both shoulders. I was so happy to have him by my side again that I'd forgotten what this journey was all about, and how dangerous it was. For now though, my thoughts remained turned off. I walked at Dorian's side, noticing he seemed bigger and more powerful. It was almost like the first night with him, how he seemed so untouchable and fierce. Maybe I had just gotten used to him over time and those things never really faded. He remained affectionate, walking beside me with his normal protective gait. We didn't talk a lot, saving that for our trip. It was long, and there was plenty of time to sit and catch up. He led me all the way back to Devonbury, and Artois and Francis walked on either side. It was a part of Devonbury I'd never been to, the waterfront that would eventually turn into the sea. Here at the coast, it was known as Wolftail Lake, and rather the residents knew or cared, it was named after the Stainthorpe wolves. I'll be honest, I had no idea Devonbury was on the coast. I hadn't studied the map long enough, and that part of my memory was still damaged. Dorian's ship was docked there, much bigger than I expected. It was bigger than just a boat; this thing was massive. I stared up at it, intimidated by its size. Dorian brushed it off and tossed the bags of stuff on board, shoving them around to save room. He then reached his hand out and helped me up, though I wasn't very graceful about it. I climbed up clumsily and nearly pulled him down. Despite the rough entrance, I didn't hate the ship right away. On first glance, it actually looked cozy. I couldn't see much from where I stood, but it was spacious and the cabin was glowing orange from lit candles. There wasn't much time to waste looking down at it as Dorian was in a hurry to leave. I expected somebody would be there to see us off, like Wendell or Leopold, but we were alone. I looked out past the dock at the forest and the land, and I knew when we got back I would be kissing the ground. Dorian left my side and before I even had time to think, we were moving. The motion already made me queasy, giving me a window into the future for how things would pan out over the course of our trip. If I had to spend my time seasick, this wasn't going to be a good time. I tried to enjoy it anyway, looking up at the clear blue sky full of birds and the beautiful scenery. Way off in the distance there were mountains, and on either side there were towns just barely visible under a layer of mist. The water was black but reflected the sky in its gentle waves. I couldn't look at it very long, standing on the deck just for a moment watching Dorian at the wheel. So far he was just navigating us in the right direction, pulling away from the coast. I couldn't bear to see our home fading away behind us so I disappeared down into the cabin with Artois. Francis stayed with Dorian, a temporary separation. I had a feeling I wouldn't get any time with Dorian until that night, and I was okay with that. I was feeling optimistic, particularly because it wasn't storming and there wasn't supposed to be any rain. At least not for most of the way there. Isle of Bridge was another story. It was known for violent storms, a problem Dorian was well aware of. I tried not to think about it, determined to keep the optimism flowing. I got used to the place I would call home for the next week and a half. It was all wooden inside while the whole outside was some kind of thick metal. The ship had a name, painted on the side in gold letters. I had read it but forgot already what it said. It was the name of a flower or some such. I tried to remember what it was, sitting there on a soft couch staring at the wall across from me. It was interesting how this ship was furnished like a house, full of many of Dorian's belongings. There was a large oak desk against one wall, and there were animal heads mounted on the walls. There was a bear skin rug on the floor, and a few chests full of other things placed randomly. In pure Dorian fashion, there was also a piano. I felt that we were well prepared for anything, our bags also sitting against the wall. There were guns everywhere, and knives too. I would have been scared if I was dealing with anyone else, but since it was just me and Dorian, these weapons being there made me feel safe, if anything.