Lord Liverchester

Chapter 12

Haunted. Cursed. My dreams were covered by a dark veil. A darkness, a shadowed mountain loomed over me to remind me there were things coming that were out of my control. There were things I would rather not have to face. All night I had nightmares about Dorian in a pool of his own blood, unable to speak to me but having so much to say before he ultimately passed. It wasn't the demons this time, but me. I'd stabbed him in the chest at the first inkling they were back. I couldn't forgive myself, even long after I awoke. I was up early, watching the sun rise. Did he know my dreams? Could he feel the intense sorrow I felt? He was underneath me, breathing deep and slow in his sleep. I watched him for a while, his warm skin orange in the new sunlight. The colorful window cast a rainbow across his face, his eyes closed and unaware. I wanted to kiss his lips, to hold him and protect him. The sorrowful lyrics he sang in Brightbury haunted me. That song where he pleaded for somebody to hold him, but also to let him go. It haunted my very essence. In my mind, the decision was made and I couldn't let it go. I couldn't let him go. The cost for my decision would be the end of time, not just for my silly little brain letting a monster live, but for humanity itself. I wasn't ready to make that decision, so I prayed once again that it was all over. There wasn't a damn thing either of us could really do. It was eat or be eaten, and the candle now burned at both ends. I tried to get a bearing on my thoughts, trying not to find a deeper meaning in his lyrics. I wanted to enjoy my morning.

Another beautiful day had begun. The same sunshine and cloudless sky greeted me. There was warmth beyond the window, a breeze blowing it in through unseen cracks. I basked in it, letting it wash over me and cleanse me of the darker things. I wasn't going to let a stupid dream dictate how I felt. It wasn't real, and if I was lucky, it wouldn't translate into reality. I breathed, closing my eyes and opening them again to the light streaming in. A massive ray of sunlight shone through the window, showering me and everything around me in shades of red, green, and blue. For now, this window was my beckoning of hope. It had been something good in my last vision of the future. Surely that goodness must still be there. I was in a trance, watching birds fly past, nesting somewhere in the building's roof. I heard them chirping and singing, greeting the new day with me. I was lured in, standing face to face with all those colors, nearly blinded by the sun. I folded my arms on the windowsill and looked down at the empty street below. My mind was overtaken by thoughts of what Edincastle was like at this time of day. I heard horses outside, trotting down the street and whinnying. I didn't see them but I could hear them. I tried to find them, but my field of vision on either side was limited. There was another window but I didn't want to stray too far from Dorian's side. For a long time, the birds were my only friends, the only other living thing awake. I spoke to them in my mind, singing Dorian's song to them. It wouldn't leave me alone. The melody was the kind that hit me deep in the chest, already making me want to cry. As if that wasn't enough, the lyrics also hit me so hard. Each verse started out like he knew how sad the song was, the first sentence being about the melody and words. Really, the whole song was about music but had a lot to do with life and death. It was about something keeping him alive, but he almost didn't want it. I wondered what that thing could be. Was it music? Was it me? He improvised a lot on stage, but that one seemed well rehearsed. He'd been feeling that way for a long time. If we had time, I wanted to help him get past those feelings. I wanted him to feel safe, to feel the beauty of life.

That thought and all related to it buzzed through my brain, a tornado of love, regrets, fear. I felt everything all at once. I tried so hard to push the dream aside. That image of him lying there faded but I could still see it if I thought about it. I breathed deeply and relaxed, focusing once more on the happier things, like the birds and hearing Dorian breathe. The room was so quiet I could hear his soft breathing. I wondered what he was dreaming about, and I hoped it was better than my nightmare. A sudden knock at the door shook me from everything, erasing all of my work toward relaxing my scrambled messy mind. I nearly tripped on the couch getting to the door, the room seeming much bigger as it started spinning. I thought I was halfway across but I really hadn't moved but a few inches. I came to grips enough to speed up. The knocking continued, a non threatening one, thankfully. I got there, unlocked the deadbolt and opened the door just a crack. Somebody I couldn't see was there. Suddenly I had tea in one hand and a newspaper in the other. It was somebody from the venue staff coming to check on us. I could hear them and answered their questions. I wasn't fine, but I suspected I would be soon enough. It wasn't really a lie then, was it? My nerves frazzled, I put everything down wherever I could. The tea was wonderful, the right amount of sweetness and a lovely earthy flavor. I ignored the newspaper, not one to keep up with news. I was perfectly aware that we could have been front page news for burning down Canterwich, but that was for Dorian to discover; I had my own problems. I sat on the arm of the couch and watched the world again. There wasn't much to see. I waited for Dorian to wake up, turning now to face him. He was so peaceful, sprawled out to his best ability, one arm hanging off the couch and on the floor, the other resting carelessly on his stomach. He twitched once or twice, a slight smile on his lips. Good. I wanted to touch him, but I didn't dare disturb him. It appeared he was having a happy dream. At least one of us was going to wake up in good spirits. It deserved to be him.