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Chapter 5: In Which There is an Offending Letter

Eight Reasons Why My Life is Awful (Apparently it's not as awful as I thought, because I can't think of anymore)

By Hermione Jane Granger
1. Ginny. Of course. Apparently she always has to be on the list.

2. My mother, who is the biggest prat in the world (Mum, if you pick this up because you're snooping around again, I meant prat endearingly...it's a new thing we children do nowadays)

3. Apparently Ron and Ginny are trying to set Harry and me up. Officially trying I mean.

4. The same goes for my mother (yes, two and four are separate reasons).

5. I missed a question on our 100-point test in Potions because Ron, the arse that he is, somehow found a way to send me a note that read, "How are things going with Harry? Found any appropriate closets yet?" It made me so upset that I completely forgot the answer to one of the questions.

6. Because I missed one question, Snape took ten points away from our class, so now, not only does everyone know I forgot a question, they hate me for it (ironic, isn't it? They're always on my case for getting everything right...).

7. Ginny's convinced that I'm obsessed with Harry's ex-girlfriends. Please. Just because I think they're prettier than me doesn't mean that I'm obsessed with them.

8. Mum's dragging me to this awful New Years Party, where all of the "adults" will insist that I know absolutely nothing because I'm a teenager (even though I am actually 18). Well, rather, Harry's dragging me, but he's not actually dragging me...he's just very naïve.

"All love that has not friendship for its base,
Is like a mansion built upon sand."

-Ella Wheeler Wilcox

"I just don't understand why you found it so difficult," Hermione admonished Harry and Ron as the three of them, along with Ginny, made their way back to the Gryffindor tower. "All you had to do was make sure you stirred the cauldron three times counterclockwise, five times clockwise, six and two-thirds times counterclockwise, followed by a swift stir halfway around, clockwise, of course, and then one last stir four and five-eights times counterclockwise." Hermione explained all of this as if she were informing the two how to make a sandwich rather than one of the most complicated potions either of them had ever seen in their entire lives.
"Just shut up about it, already," Ron groaned at her. "We get it. You're a genius. We're idiots. We can't figure anything out."

Hermione wrinkled her nose. "I didn't say that."

"It was in the subtext," Ginny explained to Hermione.

"Since when do you even know what subtext is?" Hermione raised an eyebrow.

Ginny feigned annoyance. "I'll have you know that I have used that word around you more than once! You just never noticed before."

"Sure," Hermione nodded, as if Ginny was refusing to fess up about a lie, and then proceeded to laugh.

"Hey!" Ginny cried out, interrupting Hermione's outburst. She pointed in front of her. "There's Luna! Hey L— "

But Ginny was suddenly cut off as Ron, appearing hysterical, clamped his hands over Ginny's mouth and pulled her close to him. "Don't!" he whispered anxiously. Harry and Hermione exchanged humorous looks, while Ginny glared at Ron, opened her mouth as wide as possible, and bit his hand.

"Ow!" Ron tore his injured appendage away from Ginny. "What was that for?"

"Do you honestly need to ask that question?" Ginny demanded. She looked around for Luna and gave a small scream of frustration. "Now she's disappeared! I wanted to say hi." She turned on her older brother. "What was that all about?"