Hidden Pain (Nalu Fanfic) Discontinued

Chapter 9

As strange as it all seems, I can't help but feel anxious. 

I know things have changed, I'm safe, I'm with my friends and family.. but something just keeps irking me. Something that doesn't really make sense, there's things that I remember now.. but I know no one will bring them up, let alone explain. 

I remember.... I've been sleeping alone in my room, the walls are sound proof, no one can hear me when I wake up from nightmares. I remember it all.

His voice, his hands over my body.. the sound of his heavy breathing and his groans... his laugh as he saw me on the floor after he was done..

Do they all know? or only some? Does Natsu know?

I don't know what I should do... It already happened.. I can't really do anything... 

I guess that this is what I deserve for everything I've done. 

As the days go by staying home is unbearable, it so boring. I have read all the books I could find played the piano countless times. It's not as fun or... exciting as running out on a mission and being able to get things done. 

Fairy tail has been on a month long journey to find some guys that need to be arrested.. it sounded fun.. my invitation to this mission never arrived.. and when I asked they pretended as if there was none. 

This is all a mess.. I feel as if i have no purpose... No reason to stay here.. I have my family.. Im free.. But its all so boring.

The thought of reuniting with them was one that never crossed my mind. It was merely a dream.. An unreachable fantasy.. But now that i have it i feel so empty..

The nightmares are bad.. I keep replaying it all in my head. From everyone on the ground bleeding to the ambush.. Me hanging on to life by a thread. Natsu... He's the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes.. Then i remember he's not here with me. There's no use in me wishing for something thats so far away. Something that i will never get. I'm too broken.. Too toxic..

"Luce?" I turn to see Natsu at my door. My attention now directed away from my journal and and now on him.
He holds a box in his hand, he tries to hide it so i don't pay attention to it.

"Hey Natsu, how was the mission?" He flinches at my question. He should know better that to think he can hide things from me.. Yet here he is

"It was good. It was boring since we had to wait for the right moment to attack.. But it went well." He fidgets and steps closer to me.
"Luce, i want to ask.. Can we.. Can we just talk for a bit.. Outside..." I nod and follow him out from my room.

"Luce.. I.. I don't know how to say this... I have to leave. We all do.. they want to move us.. they think that you knowing about us is a bit of a.. uh.. they don't think its safe for us to stay here because you know about us."

"But.. I won't say anything.. you know I won't, I can join again.. let me come with you." I say.. there's a shred of hope in my voice, a piece of me that still wants to be in this mess. A piece of me that still wants to live in the fucked up life.. 

"I'm sorry Lucy. This might be the last time you see me.. I'm sorry"

He walks out.. As he does I can feel my heart shattering into a million pieces.. this isn't fair...  this is not how I was supposed to end.. or maybe it is..