Forgiveness Kiss: A Legolas and Aragorn Fanfic

The Revelation

 It was the winter after Aragorn had turned forty.  

 Aragorn jumped at the chance to disappear into the woods for a few weeks. Even though he had chosen not to take the throne of Gondor, Elrond kept pulling him aside and asking him if he had changed his mind, and that people were counting on him to continue Isildur's bloodline. Aragorn didn't care about preserving bloodlines. He felt no connection to his ancestors, and saw no reason to take the throne just because he was born into it. A Steward could do better than a Ranger raised by Elves. 

 Nevertheless, Elrond persisted. Aragorn suspected that Arwen was in agreement with her father; she kept talking about the good things Aragorn could do for Gondor, the people he could help. 

 Rivendell was beginning to feel suffocating.

 So he sent a message to Legolas and met up with him in a forest far from Imladris. Aragorn left a note for Elrond, saying that the fresh air would clear his mind and he would return in a few weeks. 

 At first it was exhilarating. Aragorn had always been a good hunter, and loved being out in the woods again. And Legolas was an excellent partner. So even though the nights were frigid and the game was sparse, it was the most fun Aragorn had experienced in a long time. He felt at ease with Legolas. He didn't have to worry about living up to his namesake and could just be himself. 

 But after the first few days, all Aragorn could think about was having to go back to Rivendell. He didn't want to continue defending his choices to Elrond and Arwen. Just the thought of having to listen to one more lecture made his chest feel tight. He forced himself to focus on the trip, but during the long nights Aragorn found himself wondering what it would be like to just never go back. He hated himself for even entertaining the idea, but still... Would it really be so terrible if he just disappeared? At night he slept as close to Legolas as he dared, just to try and keep that feeling of safety in his mind. 

 One particularly freezing night, everything reached a tipping point.

 Aragorn and Legolas were lying in their tent, too cold to sleep. They talked about everything that came to mind. When it had gotten very late, Aragorn found himself talking about Arwen.

 "I love her," he said. "Sometimes it feels like I love her more than anything else. But I'm not sure how well we go together..."

 "What do you mean?" Legolas asked. 

 Aragorn thought about his relationship with Arwen. How in the past months it had felt as though they were only going through the motions. He was never excited to see her, just dreading their conversations about his future. He no longer craved her touch, as he once did. Holding her in his arms felt more like something he should do, rather than something he wanted to do.

 "It's just..." he continued. "We grew up together, and yet it feels like we want different things out of life. I'm destined to be King someday, but I would be happiest living in the woods and hunting rather than ruling a nation. And Arwen... She spends most of her time studying old books. She tells me what a great King I will make, as though she doesn't know that I have turned from that path. So even though I enjoy being with her, it's starting to feel almost forced. Like she's only with me because of who I may be someday, instead of who I am now..." Aragorn trailed off into silence. He felt Legolas put a hand on his shoulder.

 "I think that if you are unhappy, you should consider leaving her," the Elf said quietly.

 Legolas was right. If Aragorn left Arwen, he would no longer have to live up to her expectations of him. For once, he would have no one to answer to but himself. He could live his life without feeling as though he was letting down the most important person in it. Leaving Arwen would set him free.

 And yet, there were good times. Carefree afternoons where she read him passages from whatever book she was studying. Staying up all night talking, then falling asleep in each others arms. Walking among the gardens of Imladris, and picking flowers to tuck in her hair. Aragorn didn't want to give up the good days. He didn't want to watch her face fall, to push her away when he had spent his whole life loving her.

 He didn't want to break her heart.

The bond they once had was growing brittle, but Aragorn couldn't bear to be the one to sever it for good. 

 He finally looked at Legolas, who was waiting patiently for his answer.

 "I have thought about it," he replied sadly. "But I don't think I can do it. What would Elrond think? He has raised me since I was a boy, treated me like his own son. How could I betray him after all his kindness? Elladan and Elrohir would never give me as much as a glance again should I hurt their sister. I would ruin my friendships with both of them. And Arwen... I don't want to break her heart. Rivendell is my home. I couldn't bear it if I was no longer welcome there. So with Arwen I will stay. It is not such a bad life."

 Legolas had a strange look on his face, like he wanted to say something.  Aragorn worried that he had said too much. 

 "Are you alright?" He asked softly. "You look troubled."

 Legolas suddenly burst into speech.

 "You deserve more than just a 'not so terrible' future."

 The man and Elf stared at each other in surprise for a few moments before Legolas continued.

 "You... You shouldn't be with someone just because you are afraid of a life without them. I mean, do you really want to be with Arwen for the rest of your life? When you think of waking up in the morning, breaking bread, falling into bed at night. Is she the one you picture yourself doing it with? Is she the one you want to kiss goodnight, every night, for as long as you live? Because if she isn't, then you're only hurting both of you by being with her."

 Legolas finally raised his gaze to meet Aragorn's. The Elf's cheeks were scarlet. 

 "You can't force yourself to love someone any more than you can force someone else to love you."

 Aragorn was speechless. He hadn't ever thought about it that way. Choosing to remain with Arwen each day didn't seem like such a commitment, but now he realized that she wasn't the one he pictured himself spending the rest of his life with. He had let her believe that they had a future together, when in fact Aragorn couldn't imagine a future where he continued to love Arwen as unconditionally as he once did. It wasn't fair to lead her on any longer.

 And yet...

 "But she loves me, with all her heart. What if I never find someone who loves me as much as she does?"

 "You will," Legolas said confidently. "You'll always have someone who loves you even more than Arwen does."

 Aragorn was confused. What was Legolas talking about?

 "What do you-" Aragorn was interrupted by the Elf kissing him.

 Being kissed by Legolas was like taking a deep breath of fresh air after being trapped underground. Like taking a long drink of water after travelling days without it. It was amazing. Kissing Arwen had never felt like this.... Arwen. The Elf he was betrothed to. The only one who should be kissing Aragorn was her. What was he doing? Legolas was his friend. But this one kiss felt more right than anything he had ever done with Arwen.

 Aragorn was filled with conflicting emotions. He was in so much shock that he couldn't move, neither to reciprocate the kiss or push himself away. Legolas finally seemed to realize what was happening, and pulled back. Aragorn was startled to see the Elf looked close to tears.

 "I-I'm sorry," Legolas stammered. Before Aragorn could make a sound, Legolas had pulled on his boots and run out into the snow. 

 The cold air whipping into the tent snapped Aragorn back to reality. 

 "Legolas, wait!" He shouted. "Come back!" But it was too late. Legolas was gone.