A trip inside my brain

Yo

So, have y'all ever wondered why everything always seems to fall apart when ya need it to stay together the most? I mean, think about it.

Went back to school last Friday, I'm now a year 8. However, I had a lovely start to the year by having a fucking panic attack before I even got to school. Fun right? I absolutely love when ya can't breath and you're crying and then you have to return to the hell hole of a school you attend. Like, what the hell is wrong with me.

So, if you can't already tell, this chapter is mainly gonna be me ranting about how I hate life rn so yeah, feel free to not read if ya don't wanna.

Anyway, so yeah. I just so happen to hate school. Such a surprise, I know. Seriously, who would have ever thought that a teenager would hate school? It must be illogical!

I feel sick writing that. Let's be real, school sucks. No one in a sane state of mind would like it. You have to go to the same crappy place for 6 or more hours a day doing subjects you don't give a shit about surrounded by thots. (Unless you actually have friends, to which I applaud you for actually having social life. Something I believe I am incapable of having.) So yeah, you turn up to school just to go through torture before finally getting home and (if you're anything like me) going to your bed and crying to Satan about how you have to repeat the same thing for 5 days a week.

Who even invented this crap?! I get that everyone needs to learn and all that shit, but you don't even learn productive shit. Like, come on. They teach us things like how ancient Rome worked but we aren't told how to do accounting, how to deal with stress for anxiety, how to do basic house shit for when you finally decide to leave home. Like, do they seriously think that sedimentary and metamorphic rocks are more important then knowing how to maintain mental health, because I dunno bout y'all but mine is shit. Like, I don't give a fuck about history! They're dead! If I wanted to know about something in history, I'll look it up! See, there's a very clever thing now days called the internet. I know, it's hard to process that we have a platform that holds all the shit we learn in school. Also, I honestly couldn't care less about Pythagoras' Theorem. I don't plan on being a mathematical genius, so when the fuck am I gonna have to know how to find the edge of a right angled triangle? It just don't make no sense to me!

I also love the fact that when you go to school, they always tell you express your own opinion, however whenever you do express it, it's shut down immediately.

Now, what I was saying before was a bit... I dunno... Iffy.  The fact that we have no choice in our subjects, though applies toost schools, ain't relevant at our school. No no, we have a system in which you get to choose your subjects from year 8 up. Awesome, right?! Wrong. Very clearly wrong. See, the program encourages you to choose your own learning journey, to, express yourself and your interests through your subjects. However, they also tell you that you won't necessarily get the subjects you choose, and that it's wise to choose something at your level of working, no matter what subjects sound interesting. They also say to go and study subjects that will help with whatever you want to do when you grow up. But let's be real here, who the fuck knows what they want to do as a job in year 8?! We think, ok, imma be this, but then later on our opinion changes and you have to do something else, learning the basics of that shit from the beginning. It also means that you'll be working with people older and younger than you, so that's tooootally great.

See, last year when we were introduced to the program, it was an orientation before out PTI's. (Parent Teacher Interviews for those who don't know.) We were given a basic run in on how to choose our subjects and were told to get recommendations from our teachers about what we should do. Not to brag or anything, but even though I'm a lazy ass peice of shit, I'm sorta smart for my age. In which, I was recommended to skip year 8 and focus on year 9-10 aimed subjects. So I did. I chose subjects that were more challenging than others. Mainly year 20, but some year 9 and some a lil mix of both.

There is one issue for me here. That issue being, all of my classes have mainly older kids in them, which I knew would happen. Another problem, I'm a socially awkward piece of crap with major social anxiety who can barely talk to teachers if I need help for once in my life. Naturally, being a year 8 in classes filled with year 9's and 10's is INCREDIBLY overwhelming for a socially anxious person like me.  I can barely talk to my friends (if I have any at all, most of which go to a different high school.)

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So, update. It's now the end of term. School was shut down at the end of Monday due to COVID19. And I'm really fucking happy about it. I mean, I get to get away from this awful life that I have to live at school.

So, basically what happed:
Despite staying ahead in all my classes, I still had anxiety attacks when I woke up every morning. Because that's what we all wanna do. Totally....

I hate one of my English classes. It's noisy, disruptive and overall, really shitty. The teacher is amazing, but I managed to get a whole bunch of dickheads.

We went to LMG (homeroom) interviews and guess what happened? My parents told my fucking LMG teacher about all my mental problems (except for one I haven't told them about...). Like, wtf?! Can you not?!?! So yeah, I basically got family therapy with my LMG (kill me please) and now I'm being sent back to therapy because why the fuck not. (I'm not even joking, kill me.)

So yeah, pretty shitty year so far. Did I make any friends? I made one. So, I guess that's progress?? (It's not) (shut up brain)

Anyways, yeah. How's your lives? Ya'll staying safe from COVID19? Self quarantine, you doing that? And how RIDICULOUS is the toilet paper and essentials shortage in Australia?! I went to the shops and couldn't even buy pasta! Like, holy shit people, calm the fuck down.

So yeah. That's it. Later 👋🏻

-The Author

(Damn I've been away from writing for a long time. I doubt anyone even reads my books anymore... oops. Anyway, have a nice life, stay safe and see y'all on the other side.)