For the sake of friendship.

"I still do love him"

Tuesday, November 5, 2013. It’s the second day of our semester break.

I am here in my room; Alone. I am listening to Slipknot’s Wait and Bleed. It actually helps me forget things that exist. It makes me feel that I am the only person in the world. I am all alone and no one can make me feel better. Tomorrow is going to be our first year anniversary actually. But we didn’t get the chance to come this far. I got pity on Catherine. I think it’s better to sacrifice than watch someone die slowly because of me. I think I can handle things better all by myself. … My iPhone vibrated. Kyle called. Then I answered.

“Hello?”

“Hazel, if I had done something rude, something bad that hurt you, I am so sorry.”

“Hey, what are you talking about?”

“I didn’t believe you the day you broke up with me. I didn’t believe your reasons. I know that you’re not the type of person who will end a great relationship that way. And I know that you still love me.”

“Who told you that?”

“I just know you still do.”

“Sorry but I don’t love you anymore and for your information, everything I told you was true. In fact, I am much better now. So if I were you, I would go and find somebody, somebody like Catherine, then I will court her to help me forget about my so damn ex.”

“So I see, its Catherine again. Why do you keep on thinking about her life? Her happiness? Why do you keep on forgetting people around you who might also get hurt? Why do you keep on forgetting about me? About us.”

“She is not the reason why I broke up with you. I just don’t love you anymore. I don’t love you like I did yesterday. I’ve felt the hate rise up in me. And yeah I know I am being lyrical these days. You know, listening to music always makes me carried away. I’ve switched genres. From rhythm and blues, I’ve switched to metallic rock. Try to listen to some, I recommend you Slipknot. They’re good. Their Wait and Bleed, I’m telling you, it’s awesome. Thanks for calling Kyle. Have a nice day. Bye.”

I turned my phone off.

Hearing Kyle’s voice makes me cry. I have to end up the conversation ‘cause I can’t keep my tears from falling anymore. My voice is going to crack. I don’t want him to know that I’m in great pain, that I am deeply hurting. I don’t want him to know that I still do love him.