For the sake of friendship.

The Break Up.

The next day, Kyle talked to me.

“Hazel, I’m sorry for yesterday. I know I didn’t get the chance to stand up for you. Are you ok now?”

“Yeah I’m ok. I wish everything would be fine now.”

“Do you still doubt about us?”

“Yes. What if, we really shouldn’t be together? What if our separation would make things better? Shall we risk our relationship to make things alright?”

“Hazel, stop thinking about it. Just think about us. I love you too much and I can’t live a day without you.”

Well, that was the end of the day.

Months passed, I’m in second year high school now. I’m still in the top section. Kyle is in the lower. Catherine and I are still classmates. Our friendship is still not fixed. I still keep on questioning myself: “When will we be friends again?”

“Hey, Zel, done eating?”

Kyle asked me.

“Yeah I, I actually just finished.”

“Are you ok?”

“I can’t get used to being with Catherine in the same room for the whole day. It’s so embarrassing. I can’t look at her straight. I can’t be ok if she and I aren’t friends again.”

“Haven’t I told you a million times to stop thinking about it? Just think about us. Everything’s gonna be ok.”

“What if….”

“No more what ifs. Focus on today. Forget about yesterday. Live life to the fullest.”

“Kyle, if I gave up, please don’t be mad at me ok?”

“Just don’t do anything reckless.”

Monday, July 15, 2013

Everybody gathered at one spot; Catherine’s place. They’re all around her. I can’t decide if I’ll take a peek or just wait for an update of what happened. I don’t know what’s up with them, with Catherine, but one thing’s for sure; it’s something I should know.

A classmate of mine came near me; Grace. She spoke to me.

“Hazel, why is Catherine crying?”

“Huh?”

“Catherine’s crying. She said it’s because of you.”

Then suddenly, people gathered around me. I felt like suffocating. I cannot see a free space. Everyone took place in front of me, beside me, behind me, around me. They’re all asking me the same thing.

“What did you do to Catherine? Why is she crying? What have you done to her to make her cut?”

Cut?? What do you mean by cut? Cut her hair, her paper, her notebook? I’m asking myself what kind of cut they meant but the truth is there’s only one thing that hit my mind.

I went to Catherine’s desk where she’s sitting while crying.

“Cath, what happened to you?”

I asked her; calmly.

She replied me with a loud yell.

“I HATE YOU!! YOU ARE THE ONE WHO MADE ME THIS YET YOU’RE ASKING ME WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?! ISN’T IT OBVIOUS? YOU RUINED MY LIFE! SINCE YOU TOOK HIM AWAY FROM ME, I HATED YOU. I REGRET THAT I BEFRIENDED YOU. I NEVER THOUGHT THAT YOU WOULD BETRAY ME. WHY DID YOU DO THIS? BECAUSE OF YOU, MY LIFE BECAME MISERABLE. TAKE A LOOK AT THESE….”

She showed me both of her arms. They’re filled with deep bloody cuts. It made me feel guilty. The relationship that made me so happy, turned out to be the worst nightmare for her.  Why is she doing bad things to herself? She’s suicidal. And I am the reason behind it.

“Now, what do you feel? You’re so lucky. And I am your exact opposite. Thanks for being a great friend to me. You made me so happy.”

“Catherine, I, I am sorry. It’s not my fault. I, I promise to fix things. Please stop doing these to yourself. It’s so hard for me.”

“How can you fix things when things are already broken?”

“I’ll do everything. I promise.”

Since that day, I stopped talking to Kyle. Even though it’s hard for me to let go, I know I should cause I can’t hold on anymore. Catherine’s turning insane. And I can’t take it because I know, it is my fault.

Monday, October 21, 2013.

Kyle talked to me.

“Hey, is everything alright?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Kyle, we’re over.”

“What?”

“I said we’re done. We’re over. It’s the end of us. I’m breaking up with you.”

“Why?”

“I’m sick and tired of our relationship. It’s so boring. I never got thrilled. You suck. I can’t even think of a reason why you became my boyfriend. You’re so damn not my type. I hate myself for letting me have you as a boyfriend. What have I seen in you? You have nothing. You’re someone whom girls can’t be proud of. Bye.”

Before I walked away, Kyle cried. That’s really my purpose on telling him that. I want him to hate me so that he’ll love Catherine. I didn’t mean to hurt him. I just have to do it. It’s so hard for me. But it’s the only way to set him free. I love him so much. But we cannot be together.