Life,Sex, Delusions - Book 1

Chapter 16

  Kurt and I decided we wanted to stick around for an extra week, to spend time with our Mom. We jammed out at CJ's for a while, to get things back on track. CJ broke out the bong and the whiskey, everyone except Marcos passed on the bong. Which was surprising because he never really smoked weed, at least not in front of us. He didn't cough or anything when he took a toke. Then CJ passed the whiskey and everyone passed on that, except for Kurt. Kurt took a big swig. He wasn't ready to give up on drinking yet, despite everything. "Man, you guys go straight on me?!" CJ asks. "We never really smoked much weed. These guys never really drank either..." I said, as I pointed to Marcos and Bradley. "I haven't felt like drinking much since my Mom nearly died from it..." I added. "Yeah... I think my Momz did the surgery for that, dude!" CJ said. I nodded at him and spaced out.

"You guys should have my boy Hi-Born on your next album. He's got a big following. You'd get a bigger mix of peeps that could buy your single online, with that shit." "Yeah, that's just what we want to do, rap music!" Kurt replied and took a swig from the whiskey bottle. "Fuck that!" Casey grunted. "A'right... Jus' sayin', I know Cal over here laid down some mean tracks for us on Hi-Born's album years back." Kurt shook his head. "Fuckin' sell-out..." Kurt mumbled, as he took another swig. "Helping a friend isn't really selling out, I didn't do it for money, I didn't sign any deals... I did something different for a change, that's all." I replied. "Even if you didn't get paid, same principle..." Kurt said. I shook my head. I started questioning what it really meant to sell out, again. To me, selling out was signing big money contracts, having the producers tell you what they want to hear, having less control of what you want to do and changing who you are... It's not about doing what you love, having control over what you want to play and doing something different to add a twist to your life every now and then.

I hadn't told the guys about Deb's offer yet, because I wasn't sure how they'd react... Things were fine the way they were for now, I didn't want anything to fall apart. This was the one thing in my life that gave meaning. If this fell apart, I'd have to struggle to find a different job. Try to explain 4 years of never working anywhere to an employer. Believe me, it's not easy. I didn't want to lose the high that playing in front of the crowds gave. Without it, I would probably wind up a drunk, like my brother was becoming. I didn't want to have my Mom worry about us and go back to drinking heavily again. She hasn't had a drink, since she wound up in the hospital. Music kept me feeling alive, music completed that emptiness that Molly filled in. Music was that outer edge that surrounded everything I felt within that circle.

I hugged my mom a few days later and said bye for now. She looked at me and said. "David said Deb had an opportunity for you.. Before you say no.. You need to see what exactly this opportunity has to offer. You might not even get a deal out of it.." Mom replied. The rest of the guys besides Kurt were outside. "Fuck her opportunity! We don't need to be on the news!" Kurt snapped. "Hey! Come on man, do you need to snap at her like that?" Giles said, gesturing at Kurt. "Bye, mom!" Kurt said as he walked out the door. "Calvin, you call me so I don't worry about you two!" "I will..." I said, waving at them and walking out the door. We headed to Vegas, Giles took some time off to take care of Mom that week. Molly had to work the morning we left so I sent her a text "We're headed out to Vegas! Call you tonight!" "Okay, love you! Have a safe trip!" I was a little shocked by that message because we hadn't told each other we loved each other yet, but I didn't want to upset her so I replied. "Love you, too..." I really cared for her on a deeper level than most people. I just wasn't sure how deep yet. I decided that in a way I really did love her, so what I was saying was completely true. I just felt it was a bit early in the relationship for that.

We all went to a nearby casino. A guy in a brown hat wearing a black leather jacket approached us. "Hey, I need to ask you guys.. I really need some money for a bus ticket outta this place. You guys like to rock and roll?" "Get outta here!" Casey barked at the guy, then the man glared at Casey and walked away. He saw his cousin die from drugs, he wasn't too friendly with drug dealers. The poor guy looked kind of desperate. You could tell the guy to get a job, but who knows with his background? Besides, he probably owes somebody money and a job wouldn't be able to pay him in time. That's the price you pay when you owe somebody and have no guaranteed way of paying them back. If he was a junkie, he probably would've knocked on death's door soon anyhow, sadly. A few minutes later, The Living Dedd met up with us inside. Blake started singing For The Love Of Money by The O'Jays. "Money, money, money, mo-ney.. Muh-nay!" Then he did a little James Brown style dance and walked over to us. "What's goin on'!?" He exclaimed as he gave us all a bro hug. "Look at all these deliciously do-able Divas..." He looks over at a blonde at the slot machines. "I think I'm gonna go... try my luck at those slot machines." He said, as he walked away. Stitch walked over to some other girls and Neal followed him. Mark was just standing there, hanging out with Uncle Jared.