I was being disempowered for so long ... I began breaking down from already being broke. I continued to remain as positive as I could, but the poison, the lack of love, compassion, and faith brought me out of the black hole reaching out for the spark of my birth and all that followed after, time after time. I held on to digital layers of mermaid songs tracked in metal clunkiness to stay alive. Clunkiness... you served me epic, data recovery is required for the computer, mind, and vegan body system.
The disconnection from my mother ultimately a woman of pure love through a painful c-section. I was then hung upside down, and thrown into a bubble bed to experience myself as alien vegan love. My mother suffered her pains and no matter how much she frightened me, she was my mother I loved with my father tender, humourous, and buddha nature. From here beyond all was broken, I can barely call myself alive most of the time here at shelley's lake of doom.
It was infamous in my family that I was pure alien (vegan) love star wars video game, barbie connected perfect for gigil. The rejection for meat and animal products was evident. My mother had to trick me to eat meat, she didn't understand my hate for the Gerber beef. She would have to spoon me peach purée and then switch it with meat purée is what she told me in astonishment. I would cry endlessly.
As I grew older I would pretend to eat the family baka soup and then spit it out into a napkin and hide it on my lap. I remember until now how I disliked the texture. I had epic food allergies resulting in awful skin irritations from eating shellfish... my ninang held me lovingly... what is this child crying and so irritated. I was Princess Iyaken, the princess of tears.
My lola raised me mostly as an octo-lavo-pescitarian. She grew her exotic magic Philippines garden in the somewhat country side suburbia of Warren, Michigan. At this time, beyond our garden fence was a wild plein of flowers, more butterflies, and faeries. We had gulay dish after dish of long string beans, kalabasa, ampalaya, talong, cucumbers, tomatoes, plaintain, and more.
In my unfortunate obese days from food allergies with my family, finally at around the age of ten I was growing into a young alien vegan love lady. I knew it, I could feel it, I pleaded to my mother books I wanted to buy to understand myself, music, art supplies... she agreed. By the time I was 13, I had fasted to a size zero and proclaimed to the family that I wanted to be vegetarian.
I spent many wonderful days and nights with a childhood friend who had taken a vow of punk rock, witchcraft, and vegetarianism. This included cackling a lot, going to tons of shows, starting a band, and eating grilled cheese sandwiches, fries, and tomato soup at Denny's diner or whatever veggie we could eat like milkshakes. I worked at various veggie diners, the Mediterranean and Zhedos Music Venue & Cafe.
I won't cover up any of my alien vegan love life, sometimes I became thoughtless and went into animal sacrificing... maybe because I turned heavy into satanic gothic living, curious and infleunced by the projections of others. Luckily, through the grace of the need for a healthy life without obesity, cancer, and depression I always immeadiately went back to veglife even to hardcore realms of raw veganism.
The flow of this story is also intended to speak of beloved Hare Krishna and Srila Prabhupada. Firstly, amazing correlations to the vedas of India where veganism is ancient history. I saw Krishna, Ganesh, Durga, and all these deities looking so supernatural I knew I could be perhaps like them... blue, pink, warrior like, with make-up, jewelry and marks. Maybe, I could grow more arms for all my majickal tools and tasks that need be done.
During the time I struggled and still now while I move forward to collect myself from the disempowerment, from the areas of life that needed to be cut off from this disempowerment I was suffering and counting on urban foraging as I lost my capacity. I was alien vegan love, a vegan fox, I was a slave, and degredation erroded my mind far from those who could underatand me.
From Detroit all the way to California my memories grew faint of a vital savior Hare Krishna and prasadam. I took an initiation with Sri Chinmoy, I finally got on social care... I was growing weak in my vegan alien love life. I told myself, I must get myself back to the temple somehow. The social care food was sometimes abundant, but most of the time given with difficulty and darkness. It is hard on the mind, I come to understand real discrimination and deepening in my compassion.
Finally, I continued to meditate and pray. I have epic gratefulness for the journey, but needed to 'lvl up' in my alien vegan love life. Not in heirarchy, snobbery, or negativeness, but just that it is hard for me to go on without the holy teachings dating back from the beginning of time and what I feel best with. I believe in it, thou I understand the importance of perhaps impaling a wild boar if it had come to attack and kill me.
Krishna came back in full force as soon as I diligently reconnected. And the boar out of Lord Brahma's nostril instead in quote captivating our hearts indeed. God almighty is Krishna, Krishna to me a majestic blue alien deity, all my thoughts beyond, again beyond exsistence and non exsistence is god. When some say god is dead, well of course he is ... he is everything. Importantly, what he also is - was an embodiment of Srila Prabhupada. During, this ekadesi I rediscovered this spiritual master through all his sufferings, his journey and humility...
In gratefulness, I found again magic devotees, abundant prasadam, beautiful japa, and lesson time with Krishna at the (hard)core of love, compassion, generosity once more. In my veganism part of this journey I call Krishnacore, I will elaborate more on the pending questions. However, when it comes to ethics of purity alien vegan love it seems a matchless gift in thought, feeling, and further sentience.
My alien vegan love mind is at ease. I feel the devotion, yoga, renewed wonderment for the sacred lands of India, in complete awe of Srila Prabhupada, reconnection with Krishna, new appreciations for Sri Chinmoy and past gurus young and old. Also, I feel steps closer to what I need in my life - love, care, conciousness, compassion, happiness... my daughter, loved ones, friends like family. I needed this reconnection so much.
I became, become, pray, chant, create, and express to continue to stay in this empowerment. To stay illuminated, whilst I turn dark and dead, not of any use. In vegan alien love I wish to be the star I came from and infinite through this journey as a vegan musical artist. Offered prasadam cruelty free, vegan, and organic. Saving me and my mind, body, soul, and spirit.
Bhaimal Ekadesi
Versoix, Switzerland 2020
Reading Notes
Bhagavadgita As it is
Back to Godhead May/June 2007
