To Keep You

Chapter Nine: Instincts-

      My Friday session with Kerry didn't leave me feeling as enthusiastic as my plans with Connor had. Especially when she kicked it off with, "So, school." Making a big deal out of that one word. "How's it all going?"

      I took a deep breath. "Fine, I guess." I replied, exhaling through my mouth.

      "You dove right into full-time education, which was very brave of you."

      "So everyone keeps telling me." The words were muttered under my breath as I focused on Parker, who was standing, yet again, between the two posters behind Kerry. He looked amused and I was trying to work out why.

      "Alright, Rob, I'm going to ask you something that might cause you to feel a little uncomfortable but I want you to know that you can answer me honestly. Okay?"

      It was incredible how quickly I could go from feeling at ease, to panicked and under pressure within the space of a few seconds. Parker was momentarily forgotten about as all my attention turned towards Kerry.

      "Every single time you come into this office, you look straight over there," she pointed her finger right where Parker was standing. "You almost seem like you're staring at something. Can you tell me what that is?"

      I blinked from Kerry, to Parker and then up at the posters. "Erm," I whispered. "Wh- are you trying to ask me if I'm seeing things or something?"

      "I'm just asking you to tell me what you're focusing on when you look over there." She shrugged gently. It was a gesture that was meant to be casual, which just wound me up all the more. She was acting so clueless, as if she didn't know what she was really asking with her question.

      "I see posters about sad things in bright, happy fonts." I shrugged. "Kind of like it's mocking us."

      "Us?"

      "Me. I meant me."

      Kerry nodded her head as if she'd gathered all the information she needed in order to continue. "I've been told you have conversations with a boy named Parker." She paused to allow time for a reaction. Her lips pursed as her eyes narrowed.

      I can tell you that all I felt was pure emptiness. I didn't recognise the name at first, spoken in a different voice with different lips. It didn't sound close to anything I knew.

      Then I remembered Parker's amusement and something inside me snapped as I said, "Who told you that?" without bothering to try and correct her or make up a story. A lie.

      Kerry's expression took on one of sympathy as she said, "It's something you've been trying to avoid talking about for a while now--"

      "Who told you?" I shouted this time, digging my fingernails into the palms of my hands. My eyes were brimming with anger and betrayal because of the one name that came to mind when I asked that damn question.

      Jaime.

      "Calm down, Rob," Kerry put her hand out, palm towards. "Tell me why this bothers you so much."

      "I'm done." I said, shaking my head. "I'm done playing crazy for you--sitting in here, letting you get in my head and rearrange my thoughts, trying to make me think differently. God, I'm so done with this bullshit!"

      I wiped the tear from my left cheek as I walked out the office and hurried outside onto the street, darting across the first road to catch my eye in an effort to get as far away from Kerry, and that place, as possible.

      I just needed to be alone. I just needed to keep walking.

      Darkness invaded the blue sky as time ticked by. I stood shivering outside a café that was situated down a long street of retail stores, trying to work up enough courage to go inside and ask to use the telephone in hopes of phoning Arthur.