Crossing [Countryhumans fanfiction (Finland x Russia / Finland x Estonia)]

Part 6

Finland was already near his house. Russia had continued his own way and turned in the last crossing so Finland was heading home alone in the cold night now. He looked at the ground as he was walking and didn't raise his gaze until he was near his front door. As he started seeking for his keys from his pocket and paid more attention to his way, he saw a pair of shoes and while confusion filled him up, he checked who was sitting on his stairs. "What are you doing here? It's cold. Don't you have a coat?" Finland asked and now he felt worry instead of confusion. He put his hand on Estonia's shoulder who was still sitting and staring at the ground under his feet. "Estonia? How long have you been here?"

"I..." Estonia seemed to be a bit confused too. His head was still down. "Come on, let's go inside. You can't be out here much longer. Your hands are freezing," Finland said calmly as he grabbed Estonia's hand and pulled him up.

Finland shut the door behind him after they had come inside. Estonia was still standing near the door as Finland started taking his jacket off. "I can make you something hot to drink if you want. You can sit down to wait." Estonia made a small noise as an answer and after Finland had disappeared behind the corner, he walked to the living room and sat on the couch.

Soon Finland came back and sat next to Estonia. "Drink this. It warms you up," Finland said, giving Estonia some hot chocolate. "Thanks..."

"You haven't told me why you came here... Is everything okay?" Finland asked but didn't look at Estonia and kept some distance. He didn't want to be too pushy for some reason. "I just... I think I want to talk with you about things that had happened lately. And some company wouldn't be bad either," Estonia answered looking at the mug that he was holding. Finland was quiet for a moment. He couldn't believe that if Estonia wanted company, he would be the first one who he'd like to be with right now. The silence got broken after a while: "You have a right to talk about it, Estonia. Of course. But... I don't think I can say a lot more than I said last time we met..." He felt horrible. The same feelings filled him up again as at the last time. Shame and quilt.

Estonia wasn't watching away anymore. Now he looked at Finland straight into eyes and Finland looked back waiting for what Estonia was gonna say. "It's okay, Finland. I'd just like to say... As I said also last time... I want you to be with the one you want to. I don't want to make you choose. I think the relationship between us is... kinda complicated at the moment but it can remain just as... a friendship. I would be really happy to have at least some kind of relationship with you even if it wasn't a romantic one. Really... I think you're a very good person, Finland and I'm happy to know you." These words, as kind as they sounded, didn't make Finland feel any better. He was wringing his hands and had turned his gaze down. He was unable to say anything.

Estonia kept looking at Finland who was staring at his hands still wringing them. This wasn't usual for him and Estonia waited for some kind of answer. Finland didn't understand his feelings at the moment and he just wanted to escape from the situation. He had no idea why Estonia's words had affected him so strongly and once again he cursed the fact that he had to be a creature with emotions. He felt a strange feeling in his throat and eyes. His anxiety got stronger as he realized how hard it was to resist tears from filling up his eyes. "Oh god, why are my fucking emotions doing this to me? Shit, I can't start crying. Not now." Finland's mind filled up with these thoughts but he couldn't resist it. He wrung his hands harder and harder.

Estonia's eyes were turned towards Finland's hands for a moment but quickly he looked at his face again as he saw something he didn't expect. A drop had fallen on his hands and Estonia was confused as he saw the look on Finland's face. A tiny grimace filled his face as he was crying quietly still clearly trying to resist it.

Finland didn't want to face Estonia so he still kept his face down but couldn't stop tears from falling from his eyes. He felt shame. He shouldn't be the one to cry. He wasn't the one who was treated wrong. But still there he was, crying next to the boy who was way more deserved to do that. "God, you're pathetic," he said to himself quietly inside his mind.

Suddenly Finland boggled lightly. He had felt something. Small arms had wrapped around him but he was still looking at his hands giving no reaction to the gesture. He didn't deserve Estonia's consolation but still the man was hugging him now and trying to make him feel better. "I'm sorry," Finland whispered. "What for?" Estonia asked quietly, still hugging Finland and resting his head on his shoulder. "For everything."