Crossing [Countryhumans fanfiction (Finland x Russia / Finland x Estonia)]

Part 2

"Leave," said Finland after a moment so quietly it could barely be heard to Russia who was still standing next to him. "What? You mean-"

"Now," he said slowly and a bit louder to Russia who understood, and after a short silence he left the same way Estonia did, saying nothing anymore.

Guilt and shame filled Finland's mind up more and more after he was left alone in his house. He felt sad for Estonia who probably was upset and disappointed about what he had seen. He sat down on a couch and rested his arms on his knees. But he couldn't relax. Estonia had came just at the wrong moment. Of course he just came in since the door wasn't locked. Finland had never taken offense at Estonia didn't knock before storming in. It wasn't his fault. Or Russia's either. "It's completely my fault he is suffering now," he said to himself quietly inside his mind holding his head in his hands.

On the next day Finland was walking on a street, heading his way back home. His fridge had been empty for too long and even tho he felt so bad all the time about what happened earlier, he had forced himself to get up and go to the market located near his house. While walking something popped into his mind. If he went the different way he would pass Estonia's place. It was hard to decide if he wanted to see Estonia and try to explain or not. "There isn't anything to explain, you idiot..." he said to himself. Estonia had seen enough for a thousand words. Still Finland had some kind of need to say something to the boy he cared about, so instead of keeping going forward, he turned right in the next crossing.

Soon he had arrived to the door of Estonia's apartment. He still hesitated a bit but then he decided he didn't come here for nothing and rang the doorbell.

It took a moment and Finland started wondering if Estonia is even home. Then he heard how someone came closer on the other side of the door and soon he saw Estonia looking up at him. "Finn?" he said with a quiet voice and Finland noticed it was hard to keep a balance for Estonia and when he glanced the apartment behind him, he saw a small bottle on the desk that had been drunk almost empty. "Estonia," Finland answered watching him but not smiling, "Can I come in?" Estonia watched him for a moment and then he moved a bit so that Finland could pass him.

Finland went to the living room, took off his coat and sat on a couch. He had been there many times before. Estonia followed and sat next to him but kept some distance. "What's... on your mind?" Estonia asked trying to sound like nothing had happened on the previous day. Finland could hear a bit slurring in his talking. "How much have you drunk?" Finland asked him with no filter. "Not much," Estonia said vaguely. "Then what's that?" Finland said, pointing at the almost empty bottle on the desk. Estonia was just quiet and watched the floor. "It's okay. I can come later when you are in a better condition." Finland tried not to sound annoyed. He didn't want Estonia to think he had done something wrong. Still he was a bit disappointed that Estonia was like this when he was supposed to come talking.

Finland was just gonna open the door to leave when he heard a fragile voice behind him, "Please stay." He turned around and glanced Estonia who was still exploring the floor with his eyes. It looked like it had been hard for him to say it. "Why do you want me to be with you now?" Finland asked not believing Estonia would really enjoy his company right now. "I know why you came here. I don't... know what you're gonna say but... I want to hear it." Estonia wouldn't have said that so cocky if he wasn't drunk but Finland saw he really wanted him to stay. He knew Estonia. "Okay... I know you're thinking about what you saw yesterday" Finland began, "I'm- I am really sorry." Finland couldn't do any better. He had forgotten everything he was supposed to say to Estonia. "You know I care about you. A lot. But..."

"You care about Russia too." Estonia finished.

Finland was quiet. Silence settled between them and Estonia moved a bit. "I care about you too, Finn," Estonia said suddenly. He moved closer and grabbed Finland's hand. "You can be with whoever you want. I want you to be with the one you like and you're happy with." Finland was kinda impressed how clearly Estonia talked being so drunk but feeling of guilt covered it immediately. He didn't know what to say. He could hear sadness in Estonia's tone. Finland turned his sight to Estonia and they looked each other into eyes. "I... I would be happy with–" Almost the full sentence slipped through his lips but the sound of doorbell interrupted him. They could hear many voices behind the door. "My siblings are here," said Estonia quickly, "I think you must leave now, Finland... Sorry." He didn't sound angry but maybe even a bit disappointed. Finland understood he couldn't tell anything more right now, so reluctantly he said: "Yeah, I think so too. Bye, Eesti. I guess I'll see you someday."

"Possibly..." Estonia answered quietly.