Dear God

     
          Hi God, it is 12:22 am on a Saturday morning, and here I am after reading your word, trying to find the words to describe you. I've search deep down in my mind, deep down in dictionaries and I honestly couldn't find the word that describes you. Nothing compares to you. There's no one greater than you, words cannot even describe your goodness. Today was a calm day, I worked and made some money, I relaxed, interacted on social media, went shopping for my trip to London in a few weeks. I did all of that and the amazing part about it is, if you did not allow me to I would not have been able to. In every second I breathe, every minute my eyes are open, every hour my heart is beating, I want to simply say Thank You!
     Thank you for today, thank you for yesterday, thank you for tomorrow. Though it is stated in your word that tomorrow is not promised, but in you and through you I know life is eternal!
      Before I knew you, when I was at the age of 14, I was lost and I was searching for what only you can give, in other people. I was looking for love, shoulder to cry on and strength in people that didn't have those things themselves. The idea that Sunday is church day was just an idea for me, because I didn't understand the importance staying in your presence. I didn't have a church to call my home. I would pray often because of what I was going through at that age and I felt so alone.
    Remember that time I tried to take my own life ? When I took a bottle of expired ibuprofen ? When I decided life was not worth living because there was absolutely no love in the household I lived in!? That craziest part about it is, I didn't even get a headache from those pills. It was like nothing happened, that was you wasn't it Lord? I was so confused, like what? Wondering to myself Why am I still alive to live this really sad life. Thankfully, I didn't take something with more serious consequences otherwise I would be long gone by now.
    I apologize for that because I didn't know what I was doing father. You handcrafted me and created me to be this person I am today and I tried to take that away. I was looking for an easy way out. Imagine how many people have done this because they didn't know life would get so much better. Thank you for overpowering what I did. There was a lake in the backyard, I used to just go sit back there and think to myself, what now ? I actually found peace there. I'd spend hours sitting there alone. Looking back, I was never alone. You were with me and wiping my tears every step of the way.

      Everyone in the house was facing their own troubles and it made it even harder to open up to anyone or each other. My siblings were suffocating themselves and I could tell. My dad was troubled and the problems we faced overwhelmed him and so he went towards alcohol.
      All the pressure was on him but one thing I remember he did everything he could to keep a roof over our heads. There was just no love. I stayed after school every single day to avoid going home to that sadness. My mother was in Haiti and so all she could have done was pray for us. She knew what we were each going through. It was really hard.
There were many times I'd be walking to school and felt like I was being followed or watched and I know you was covering me the whole time. So many times was I approached by older men, given I looked 10 at the time, they would constantly approach me and I knew you covered me the whole way through. There were so many times where I felt so scared or feared getting snatched one of these days, especially the neighborhood we would live in. We moved every single year and it was from one hood to another.
There was a day I got off the city bus to go home from school because of how far we lived, and it was raining so hard and I had no choice but to walk home. I knew you were with me the whole time. Even when certain people that were clearly under drugs would approach me to fight me, you were with me the whole time. If you were not with me I don't know where I'd be right now. I can talk about every single time you came through protecting me but it was take a whole year.
Even when I was not deep into your words, I knew you existed and I knew you loved me, I just didn't know that I was worthy enough to be loved by you. Yet you still loved me up until I accept you as my savior when I turned 15. Lord I thank you for being with me through this journey.