~Deep In Thought~

Abuse

I was afraid to tell him stop
I was afraid to tell him no
So I laughed and joked along hoping soon it would be over
This time: Hint the words "This time"
It wasn't rape
But yes I'm still a victim
I didn't want his hands all over my body
But how dare I say no
Just sit quietly and listen
Do as your told
Not as you want
"Your body is an object intended for men"
And yes I've been told that
So I didn't say no
But I didn't say yes
I tried to stay away from him
But I couldn't say stop
I was afraid of what would happen if I were to have a voice
After all this isn't the first time
it's sad. you see I'm only 18
This isn't the first time I was assaulted
No, but the 7th
Assaulted so young, I didn't know any difference
A conversation with my friends
Not if you've been assaulted, but when
How many times?
Because of course it's never just once
I have spent my life being told
I am strong and I can beat them
But remember I am a small and fragile being
So no wonder I let them walk all over me
Use me
Abuse me
My body is not mine anymore
They haunt my dreams by night and break my mind by day
I just scream and scream with my prisoner tongue
You see, that's why no one can hear me
I'm breaking apart
From the inside out
I don't want this life
But god forbid I even try
"He never fucked you, so why are you complaining?"
I swear they have no clue
He taught about consent
But never got mine
Assault is assault no matter what kind
This isn't just about one man
No but all of them
I'M NOT saying all men are hungry
I'M NOT saying all men are hunting
I'm saying these men in my life told me to strive
But behind locked doors
They told me not to cry
I'm saying this is BULLSHIT
You call this rape culture
I call it this morning
Like damn
I was catcalled 4 times on my way here
This isn't new
This isn't different
I'm use to this by now
"You just need to find your voice."
They say
I had a voice
But it was taken away from me
After the first time
I don't just need to find my voice
I had one
I have shouted
NO
STOP
DON'T DO THAT
At the top of my lungs
So many times
I'm sorry he just drowned out the noise