(tw self harm)
It's been a while since I woke up on that sofa, saw those eyes gazing, concerned, at me. In fact, it been a while since i've seen another person. The world seems rather dark lately, and I'm regretting this new regeneration. There's really nowhere to go, no one to see. Not without Bill, Nardole, Clara, Amy, Rory, Rose, Donna, Martha, Mickey. I could go on forever. Am I just a disaster? waiting for the next companion to come along so I can ruin their lives? Leave them for dead?
It's too much, these thoughts are swirling round and round my head and I think I'm going mad. The only thing I can think about lately is those kind, brown eyes. I dream of them, how I felt when I gazed into their silky depths. Since then, I don't really know if I've felt any kind of solace. I must find her. Before I go mad.
For now, though, all seems hopeless. I gaze around my TARDIS. It's newly refurbished surfaces glare at me like playground bullies. The walls loom in, enveloping me. It almost feels as if this place realy is the size of a police box. I can't breathe. Overwhelmed by fear, loneliness and god knows what else, I hunch up on the floor, the merciless metal plates rejecting my touch. Wave after wave of emotions wash over me, and i'm left drained, wishing for a release that never comes, trapped in myself and my own self-hating world. I need a release.
The doctor never uses weapons, at least not on others, but as I strumble towards my bathroom, I find myself longing for a blade. Thank god I've been a man so many times, there's bound to be a razor somewhere...
Trawling through the cabinets, I find what I'm looking for. Glinting at me from the depths of a shelf, a beacon of hope in amongst all this fear. A blade. Shaking, I sink back into the wall, unfastening my suspenders, pulling down my trousers. Have to keep this hidden. The blade digs in. I'm relieved. I'm free.
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All of Space, Time, and You (Thasmin)
FanfictionThe Doctor is sick of travelling, of being lonely. She's spent years losing person after person, always trying and always faling to avoid catching feelings for them. 'One more lifetime won't kill me' she'd said hopefully. Now however, faced with her...
