All of Space, Time, and You (Thasmin)

Loss For Words

TW VIOLENCE

The door slams shut behind us as I pull Yaz by her sweaty palm straight into the crowd of her friends. Looming over us, a cruel parody of a smile stretched across her face, one of the girls sticks out her leg, swiftly kicking me in the shins. I stumble but carry on, trying to push through the hail of blows and threats. Eventually, I make it out the other side, they leave me alone, but not Yaz. Aghast, I turn around, realising I must have let her hand go. All I can see is a bustling circle of bodies, all kicking at a hunched, screaming bundle on the floor. 

"LET HER GO!" I scream, hurling myself at the group. All pacifist tendencies are thrown out the window as I witness these animals hurting my Yaz. Kicking, spitting and punching, I claw my way to Yaz's shivering form, pulling her into my arms. These people are beyond disgusting. I snarl out a stream of expletives and disgusting threats, subdueing them at last. Maybe it's the look of pure hatred that I know is plastered across my face. 

Taking advantage of their momentary distraction, I begin to run. My knees ache and heart pounds, the extra weight of Yaz makes it nearly impossible for my feeble body to sprint away. Somehow, I manage a fast jog, each step sending jolts of pain through my legs until at last we're locked inside the TARDIS. Safe. 

Or so I thought. 

Once I can bring myself to look at Yaz, I collapse next to her, my lungs burning as I wheeze. She's in a horrific state; covered in blood, her face already blossoming with bruises and her breathing shallow. A huge wound gapes from her chest, oozing a dark red substance. Shit. I seize her wrist, frantically feeling for a pulse. It's weak, but still there. Oh my god, what did they do to her? How did they do so much damage? And how dare they hurt her?! 

If I don't do something soon, I know I'll lose her. Mind racing, heart pounding, I kneel beside her, trying to think of what to do. All these years of experience and my mind is still completely blank. There's nowhere to go, nothing to do. I'm going to lose her and it will be my fault. I should have protected her, should've taken the blows myself. I've been so cruel, so cowardly. Collapsing onto her chest, I sob, aching to feel the pain for her, all of my sorrow pouring out of my fingertips, into her, taking the pain away...

Taking the pain away! I've never been able to produce regeneration energy this long after regenerating before. Then again, I've never cared about anything as much as I do Yaz's life before. It feels as if I'm pouring all my love into her, and somehow that is healing her. 

-

Later on, Yaz lies peacefully in my bed, breathing steadily as her eyes flutter closed. She's stopped bleeding but she's incredibly battered. Weak, bruised and broken, she resembles a corpse more than anything else. But she's breathing, she's alive. Distraught, I lie next to her, breathing in the soothing scent of her shampoo as I pour out my heart to her sleeping ears:

"I love you so much, Yaz, I really do. And I think I always will. I've never felt so strongly about someone before, and when you're with me there's just... so many emotions flitting around inside me. You make me feel so whole, you complete me. You're beyond perfect, you're stunning, strong, humourous. God, if you'd died I would have too. There's nothing worth living for in a world without Yaz." 

Her eyes flicker almost imperceptibly. Nudging her, I mumble a question or two, wondering if she's awake. Eyes fully open now, she sits up rapidly, taking in the scene. 

"I don't deserve you." Yaz says simply "And you shouldn't have to deal with me. I'm fucking useless." 

I'm at a loss for words as Yaz jumps out of bed as if she's been electrocuted and flees the room, not even glancing back at me. 

-

'Space, she just needs some space.' I reassure myself yet again as I stumble around the TARDIS. I know she didn't leave the ship- I'd locked the doors- but she was still lost to me, hidden away deep inside the TARDIS' many labrynthine corridors. I've been walking for hours, checking room after room for any sign of her but there's nothing. Stomach twisted in knots, I sink to the floor and begin to sob. It's all my stupid fault, I've scared her off. Head pounding, body aching, I slouch against the icy, unforgiving walls, wracked with wave after wave of tears. Eventually, I calm down, simply consenting to wallow in my own pity, staring off into the distance down some other far-flung corridor. 

Suddenly, as if a mirage, the injured, exhausted frame of Yaz limps into view. She stares at the floor as she nears me, wringing her hands uncomfortably before sitting next to me on the floor, mumbling apologies. 

"I'm such an idiot, Doctor!" she cries suddenly "I'm still so wrapped up in self hatred that I'm too scared to live as me!  After all this time! It's pathetic." 

"You're not pathetic, not at all. You've faced some really nasty people, and it's understandable that you're not comfortable all the time. I shouldn't have pushed you so far out of your comfort zone." I mumble unhappily

Yaz leans her head against my shoulder, her arms slipping behind my back. 

"Are things still okay between us?" she asks anxiously.

"Of course." I smile into her hair. 

Staring at the corridor beyond us, I make a solemn promise to myself: I'm going to help Yaz, just as she helped me. 

A/N

Sorry if there's any mistakes in this! I'm so exhausted that this is probably completely nonsensical but oh well! I'll update on Friday! 

Hazel