Today was the day.
I would finally tell Izaya, how I felt.I had tried to tell him already a couple of times, but either my courage left me in the last minute, or something came in between.
My heart was racing and my stomach hurt as I made my way to school.
Maybe I should do it another time?
No.
I had delayed it already too many times. I knew that if I wouldn't do it now, I would not do it ever.
I reached the school being more nervous than I had ever been.
In front of his classroom I took a deep shaking breath, before I entered it. I walked to his seat with my palms sweating and feeling nauseous.
He looked at me and said: " Ah, hello my lovely [Y/n]! What brings you to me today?"
"I wanted to ask if I could talk to you in privat?"
He mustered me for a while. We had been friends for some time and it was unlike me to be so nervous, especially around him.
"Sure, I wanted to ask you for a favor anyway."
My heart almost jumped out off my chest. This was really happening!
I led him to a more secluded area of the school, not wanting anyone to hear my confession and gossip about me, or look like a fool, if he chose to reject me.
Okay, here it comes: "I... What I wanted to say...I mean..."
"[Y/n]? Is everything ok?"
"Yeah, I'm sorry. What did you want to ask me?" I sighed internally. I swear that I would tell him later today.
"Oh, you know your friend [B/f/n]?"
I nodded silently. Was it my imagination, or were his cheeks turning a little bit pink? No, it couldn't be. Izaya never blushed.
"I wanted to ask you for help in asking her out"
I blanched. I felt myself go cold and I couldn't seem to register anything he said after that. I felt my heart shatter into little pieces and falling down to my feet.
In my shock, I just agreed monotonously and excused myself before going to my classroom.
The rest of the day passed in a blur and all the lessons faded into one, until it was finally time to go home. The minute that I came home I started to shake, as sobs wrecked through my body.
The day on which I had to give him advice on how to ask my best friend out came closer and closer and I really debated on canceling it.
But first of all, I didn't have any reason to do so ( at least not one, that I could tell him about) and second of all, I wanted him to be happy.
After school I went to his place, were we started talking about setting him up with my best friend.
Perhaps it was a little bit selfish from me to wish, that she would reject him, but the moment I saw the love and admiration on his face, I knew that I fought a loosing battle.
After that it didn't take long, until they started dating. I stood by their side from day one and was always there for them.
I knew that Izaya loved me in his own platonic way. Always when they had an especially big argument, he would come to me and he would talk to me about it.
I was like the neutral side in their relationship, but I didn't mind it since I loved both of them a lot in different ways.
I didn't date anyone after that, since I knew, that I could never love anyone as much as Izaya and that it would just end in me breaking an innocent persons heart.
I was the maid of honor in their wedding.
The emotions I felt on that day were bittersweet.
I knew that they were happy together and would live a full life with each other, but I couldn't help but wonder how it would be, if he would've loved me and I would have been the bride on that wedding.
That night my heart felt hollow as I let myself fall into the sheets.
I felt tears prickling in my eyes as I laid on the hard pillow.
But I refused to cry.
This was their night.
And wasn't it better to know that the people you love the most are the happiest they could possibly be tonight?
Wasn't it selfish to put your happiness before them?
... Maybe it was ok to be selfish sometimes I thought as I began sobbing into my pillow.
