Silence outside and chattering inside my head .
A constant battle to be fine ,to be ok,to be strong.
A facade of normalcy ,body of a warrior
It's so tiring to keep it up ,
Walking around with my head held high and a heavy heart.
The shrill screams pulsating through my head ,radiating my body constantly encircling my spirit.
But...
No one hears ,no one knows ,no one sees
You only see ,what he let's you see.
You see ,my anxiety is a dude
He's the brother that is always with me ,my twin who was with me from birth and inevitably death ...
The supporter
The protector
The guardian
The bodyguard
The guider
My very own personal cheerleader ...from hell
He never leaves .
Reminding me I'll never be alone ,no matter what he 'll always be there ,his warm embrace will always be around like chains around my neck and limbs.
Holding me in place,cocooning me .
Everyone around will eventually desert me but he will always be my constant.
Even in sleep, I feel his presence as a foot on my chest , the choke hold that won't let the air in .
Breathing burns and the streams of tears sting my skin ,leaving the marks as an intricate tattoo on my face ,thinking worsens his hold.
Echoing words ,
you will never be good enough ,never be kind enough ,never be loved ,never ,never ,never...
Hours later numbness seeps in and a dreamless slumber begins.
Most days ,he's locked up in a tower in the deep crevices of my soul.
Guarded by the dragons .
He always attempts to fight his way out ,his screams are as hums in the background in good days .
But there always days ..he escapes
Maybe today is one of those days....
YOU ARE READING
Depth
RandomMe rambling about the little things in life,while dealing with anxiety and other ups and downs.
