The dark may be my enemy but it is my friend too.
It becomes my shelter , my protector sometimes , from things such as my dark thoughts and the horrible outside world.
The blank and emtpy space makes me stop thinking , too consumed by my internal fears.
It may be a self destructive manner of forgetting but I like it. I forget my dark thoughts by remembering my bad memories.
All ways of forgetting are self-destructive but the dark, to me , is a mental one. Unlike drugs its a phisical one.
But the dark is far more poetic I think. It's sick to consider fear and terror a poetic thing but maybe I am sick , maybe after that horrible night I became one and maybe I belong in no other place than in the dark.
After all I have done fear and terror are the only emotions I deserve to feel.
its a scary way of forgetting and I know none other than myself who likes it.
If the Dark was a person I would have a love/hate relationship with it. I sometimes enjoy its painful torture of remembering and sometimes I dispise it.
The fact that I am abel of reliving that night makes me somehow strong. But I quickly remember that I'm not and I never will be.
The dark may seem a ridiculous thing to you but to me its far more than a stupid fear.
Their are times where I feel nothing at all and so to make sure I'm still breathing and alive I step into the Dark.
The only friend I have that I can count on to make me feel something even if its fear or pain. I am desperate to find out if I'm still alive but sometimes I wish I wasn't.
The wight of world is getting harder to hold up and the hole in my soul is getting deeper with time.
The loneliness I get to experience in the Dark is far more appealing than the real world, their is nothing or no one to worry about. Just emptiness and nothingness.
And that makes me feel slightly better.
