Emily, Please Don't Go Away

Twelve

 "I can't believe I'm twenty." Gee laughed as he put his arm around me.

"I totally get it. I'll be twenty-nine in April. At least you aren't almost thirty," he joked, trying to reassure me.

"I know, but it's just so weird. I feel like I'm still so young while simultaneously feeling twice my actual age," I struggled to explain. He nodded understandingly.

"Speaking of mixed feelings about time, we've been together for almost nine months," he casually mentioned.

"I definitely hear that. It feels like just yesterday, but it also feels like we've been together for years."

"I agree," he smiled. We sat in silence for a minute before he spoke again. "Are you happy with me? Do I make you happy, like you don't want for anything else?"

"Babe, you're perfect. I love you," I replied as I rested my head on his shoulder. He started fidgeting with a loose thread on the blanket.

"Are you absolutely happy though? I just need to know that I'm not failing you," he said quietly. I leaned forward, grabbed his hand, and pulled it to my chest.

"Gerard Arthur Way, you absolutely do not fail me. In any way," I added with an overdramatic wink. He smirked halfheartedly. "So, yes. You do make me happy. These past months have been the happiest of my entire life. So, don't you dare think for one second that you aren't good enough or that I'm just with you because I didn't want to be alone. I'm with you because I love you.

"I love you too," he smiled as he kissed my forehead. "So, I'm going to take you out tonight, if that's okay."

"Any time with you is okay with me."

* * * * *

As we walked through the crowded streets, he held me close as if he were trying to protect me from the herd of people.

"Are you having a good night?" He asked as we rounded a street corner.

"This is the best birthday I've ever had. Thanks, babe."

"Well, how about we make it the most memorable too?" I tilted my head in confusion, but he shook it off as he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the park near our apartment complex. We came to the fountain in the center of the park, and he let go of my hand. He began pacing nervously.

"What's up, Gee?" I asked as I watched his restless back and forth movements. He stopped in front of me and exhaled a deep breath.

"Okay, so here's the thing. It's been almost a year that we've been together, right? Well, I've been doing a lot of thinking. Since the day you moved in, you've been on my mind constantly. First, I liked you, and then, before I could explain it, I fell in love with you."

"Aw, I love you too," I grinned. He gave me a crooked little half smile.

"So, basically, my point to this is that I can't imagine my life without you in it. From that first day, I knew that I wanted you in my life, and now, I know that I want to spend the rest of it with you." He pulled something from his pocket and bent down on one knee.

"Gee-" My heart started racing.

"Emily Ann Parker, will you marry me?" I felt my stomach flip. No words came to mind as I stared into his beautiful hazel eyes, shining brightly in the moonlight. A timid smile played on his lips. I sighed as I knelt down in front of him.

"Gee, I don't know what to say... I'm definitely surprised," I admitted. He looked down at the ground as he folded his other leg underneath him.

"I get it," he murmured. "You don't have to spare my feelings. You could just go ahead and say it."

"Gee, this is just really sudden. Can't I have some time to think about it? I mean, this is a really big decision," I requested helplessly. After a few moments of intense silence, he finally stood up and brushed himself off.

"I... I guess," he mumbled. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it lightly.

"I love you, Gee. Just give me a little bit of time, please. It doesn't change how I feel about you. I still love you. I just need to think about it."

* * * * *

We walked in silence across the bridge. It was a breathtaking sight. The twinkling lights lined the rails, and the moonlight reflected gently across the water. He stopped about halfway across and stood quietly, staring out across the river.

"So, have you thought about it?" He asked faintly. I sighed and shrugged.

"I have, sort of. Gee, I just think that it's too soon. We've only known each other for a little over a year. I mean, I just feel like we'd be better off if we-"

"You'd be better off," he stated bitterly. He leaned forward against the rail, stepping up onto the bottom rung.

"I just think we should wait a little while longer," I tried to reason.

"Why? I love you, and if you love me too, then why wait? What difference does the amount of time make? I know what I want in my life, and it's you. If I can't have you..." He trailed off as he leaned his torso over the edge of the rail. "I'd rather die than live a life without you."

"Babe, what are you- Stop it!" I cried as he pulled himself on to the ledge. He looked at me with tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he choked. As he leaned forward, I grabbed him around his waist and pulled him towards me forcefully, knocking us both to the ground. I sat up and looked into his eyes.

"Don't you dare try to do that ever again," I demanded. He looked towards the ground as a tear fell from his eyes.

"I don't want to live without you," he whimpered. I grabbed his hand.

"Then, don't. You don't have to, Gerard. We've been fine just the way we are. Why is this such a big deal? I just said we should wait a little while longer," I choked out as a lump formed in the back of my throat.

"What if some guy just comes along and sweeps you off your feet? I'll end up alone... I can't lose you. I'm too attached to you."

"That's not gonna happen, Gee," I tried to reassure him.

"You never know. I guess it's just a big deal to me, because I want the world to know that I loved you first." I took a deep breath and exhaled.

"Okay," I finally decided.

"Okay? Okay, what?"

"I will. Yes. My answer is yes."