Tears of a Ranger (Taz/Up Fanfic Sequel to UBU)

Chapter 1

The ride down to the planet was not fun.

They were dodging cliffs and avoiding trees the entire ride, and it didn't help that Megagirl kept a running stream of insults against humans. "You know what is funny?" she said as they passed over one of the many forests. "You humans tear down the trees to show that you can, but really, you are so weak you must depend on an inanimate object to survive, so that you can get you pathetic, chemical-filled, poisoned oxygen." Seriously, how was that even funny?

Up winced slightly every time the robot spoke. Taz didn't like the fact that anything could make him wince, but it was understandable, given the circumstances.

Apparently, when killer robots cut you in half, you tend to aquire a slight fear of them. Who knew?

Taz sighed and looked up at Megagirl. "If jou don't shut up then I am going to throw jou out of this window, and into a mudpit, where jou can rot with the rest of the animal de mierda," she said irritably, her thick Spanish accent smooth, not showing even the slightest bit of the anger bubbling in her stomach.

Megagirl just smiled and turned away, but a minute later started up again. Taz wanted to scream, but refused to give the idiota robota the satisfaction.

"Can't you just leave poor Megagirl alone?" Tootsie complained. "She's only just teasing!"

Taz rolled her eyes and ignored him. Krayonder yawned and rolled over, fast asleep. She considered stabbing him with her knife again, but thought of something better.

"Hey, look!" she said, happy she had a window seat. "I found February! She looks fine, but something tore off almost her entire uniform. Someone should go get her before she hurts herself."

"I'll do it!" said Krayonder, sitting up so fast he knocked his head on a low hanging bar. Up and Specs laughed.

"Estupido," Taz muttered, smiling smugly. Even the lamest, most poorly thought out story would fool him.

Krayonder had a sour look on his face. "Not cool, man!"

"Lieutenant? Commander? We are really close to the place where the signal came from. We'll be touching down it about a minute," Specs said.

"Thank you, Specs," Up said, nodding to their technology expert.

Taz turned to her Commander and good friend. Her heart still did a small dance every time she looked at him, but she could never say anything to him. He was her one true friend, the only one who she could be one hundred percent open and honest with without worrying about her reputation. "Jou ready to get back out there, Up?"

He smiled. "Absolutely. You?"

She nodded, allowing a small smile to touch her own lips. She hadn't been on a mission in the two years since his injury. She wouldn't go with any other Commander, and refused to be upgraded so that when he returned she'd still be his Lieutenant, and they'd be on every mission together. Today was their reunion after he'd been carted away to the Rehabilitation Center to recover from his injury.

She just had to hope that the rumors weren't true. That Up hadn't gone soft.

"Landing in three... two... one..." called the computerized voice through the pod. There was a slight jolt as they touched down, but nothing horrible. Taz stood right up, ready to get back out there. Up followed her, and they led  the crew off of the pod.

"This place is wierd, man," Krayonder said, looking around. Taz couldn't help to agree. There were so many strange things about this place, including the feeling she got down her spine.

"What's that?" Tootsie said loudly, pointing behind the rest of them. The looked around to see an enourmous... thing. It resembled a giant rock, covered in spiderwebs, but about twice the size of the Academy. And the Academy wasn't at all small.

Specs stepped forward. "It seems February's signal came from in there. It's my belief that that's where she is."

"Well, then," Taz said. "We'll have to go in. Lead the way, Up." She gestured him forward. She saw the flicker of fear in his eyes, but he cleared his throat and pushed forward. Pride filled Taz's body. Good job, Up, she thought.

Inside the giant rock was even wierder than the outside. It was cobwebby and sticky all over, and tunnels wound their way all over. Their only guide was Specs' radar, which led them down several dead ends and through several strange rooms.

They'd been traveling for almost half an hour when Up finally asked, "Specs... What the hell is this place?"

"According to my spectrometer we seem to be inside a series of complex tunnels." No, really? "This entire structure seems to be made out of some sort of secreted essence."

Krayonder began freaking out. "Secreted?! Secreted from what, man?! We shouldn't have come in here!" he yelled. Everyone shushed him.

"Krayonder!" Up snapped. "I know we're all very terrified right now," Taz gave him a wierd look, "but we've gotta be big boys, because this is where February's com signal comes from, so this is where we gotta look."

Megagirl appeared behind them. "Why have we stopped? Do you humans need to rest for eight vulnerable hours?"

Taz was close to cracking. As in, a rock over this robot's head. "The only thing that needs to rest is jour jokes, because they are so tired."

"Woah!"

They all shushed him again. Estupido Krayonder and his big, loud mouth.

"For maximal efficiency just use your thermal vision to scan for signs of life," Megagirl continued. Would she ever shut her metal mouth, that idiota! "Oh, wait. I have mistaken your futility for my utility."

That was it. Taz stomped over to her. "One more comment like that and I will wrap jou up, in a tortilla, and I will eat jou, as a snack! Maybe with some pico de gallo!"

"Ha ha, ha ha, look at me, look at me!" she mimed eating, very horribly. "I am a puny human! I must replenish my energy using inefficient chemical processes!" Finally she mimed swallowing. "Mm, now I am slightly less weak!"

 Alright. That was the end of it. No more warnings. "OK," Taz said before yelling, "I'M GOING TO SHOOT THIS METAL BITCH!"

"Woah, woah, woah, calm down there, Taz," Up said, putting a hand on her shoulder. What was he doing? "She's just telling jokes." Those weren't jokes. They were a declaration of war! But Taz allowed herself to be turned away anyway.

Taz pointed to her eye and mouthed, "You better watch out," to which Megagirl made a slicing motion across her throat.

"Let's all split up," Up suggested. "Everybody look for February by themselves. Come on, Taz,"  he said, trying to pull the her with him. Taz yanked her arm away and went in a different direction, ignoring his sounds of complaint. "Oh, no, no. Oh, good idea."

Taz searched around, ignoring everyone around her till Megagirl spoke again, "Life signs detected!"

"What, where?!"

"Woah, what is it, man?"

"If my readings are correct, this appears to be a mammal encased in massive amounts of mucus, or boogers, if you will," Specs said.

Megagirl began walking away. "If it is not the science officer then it is inconsequential."

"But why would you wanna cover yourself in boogers?" Tootsie asked.

"No, I think something brought it here, man!" Krayonder said. Taz couldn't help but agree, even she didn't say so.

"Poor little guy," Up said. "Looks like he's got a tummyache."

Suddenly, something burst out of the animal's stomach.

(AN: I AM THE WORST PERSON EVER THIS IS THE FIRST CHAPTER AND I AM JUST NOW ADDING IT! I'M SORRY!

But, anyway, hello again, to readers of UBU, and if you haven't read that yet please do before reading this one! Otherwise, some things won't make sense.

Anyway, enjoy!

Hugs and Butterfly Kisses

-THD)