Gangsta./Reader Oneshot Book

It's Okay [Delico/Reader/Yang]

[Listen to this along with the fic, or even after (I find it hard to read and listen to songs with words in them at the same time) but https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBVyqK2IW_g

It seemed like just yesterday, didn't it?

The three of you were sitting, eating lunch.

That idle talk still rang in the corners of your mind, like a gentle dream. Their voices were like a muffled hum; a sound so soft you have to strain to hear it. You wanted that conversation to ring loudly in your ears, as if you were still there. Still there, rather than here.

Laying in each others tight embrace, curled up under one thin blanket in a small bed, but the heat of your hearts beating for each other was more than enough to keep you warm.

How you needed that warmth now, everything was so cold.

Those memories, those moments seemed so far away now. You wondered if it would be possible to ever get them back after this treachery.

You could feel each and every single hole in your chest like thousands of stick and poke tattoos gone wrong. Your body was burning, collecting pain in every crevice right down to your toes. Your ears were ringing, trying so hard to break back into reality, to absorb the world they were in. You wanted to hear their voices. The voices of your boys. You wanted your mouth to move, to tell them it was okay. After all they were only boys. Older now, but still boys.

Hours must have passed before, through your own willpower, your senses began to win out over the bullet holes. Your ears gradually began to collect the sounds resounding outside of your bubble of pain.

“Delico... what happened there?” your heart pricked painfully to hear Yang's broken inquiry, like little needles in your chest, like the bullet holes.

“Delico...” his voice was raising, the venomous edge was enough to send a sharp tremor throughout your aching body.

“Delico God dammit!” you wanted so loudly to shout at him, to tell him to stop as your ears took in the sounds of a hard thunk against the wall.

“Let me go....!” his voice hardly portrayed a demand, however. Unshakable conviction replaced with a broken plea, a boy on the edge of tears. A boy who couldn't believe what he'd done, who was letting it eat away at him. He was taking his reflection and painting it black. Over his heart he was scratching hateful words; worthless, pathetic, a monster. You didn't have to hear him say it to know what he was thinking.

“Delico....” Yang's voice softened, ears trained to pick up on the differences in his voice; much like you were. You could make out a thick grimace as Yang swallowed back a sob.

“That's our ____ over there... didn't you think of that before you pulled the trigger?”

“I...I don't know what I was thinking, I wasn't thinking at all I just-”

Ignoring the pain as best as you could, you tried to speak.

“It's okay.... I'm okay...” your throat burned and your voice was as struggling and ragged as when Nicolas was trying to choke out more than one word, but it was enough to send them running.

“____! Oh my God...!” it was a soft yelp of astonishment that fell from Yang's mouth. Your vision hadn't returned quite yet but you could almost picture it anyway, the way he was looking at you with a heart so full of emotion, praying that it wasn't helping his brain to play tricks on him. You felt your fingers gently being entangled in his own, still too cautious to do anything else besides hold your hand.

It was warmer now, but cold still.

Your other hand was left vacant.

“Delico...” a soft murmur. You could almost hear the way he sucked in a soft breath just to hear you utter his name so kindly, like your forgiveness was something so out of reach.

“It's not... your fault... I don't... blame you....” talking was hard but you would be damned if you would sit here and watch the world you built with them come apart right before you. “It's not your... fault... either Yang...” because of course he would blame himself for letting you push him out of the way; how silly.

“Don't talk so much..” Yang's soft reply; it made you chuckle in spite of yourself.

“Boys... don't fight...” you raised your unoccupied hand upwards, hoping wherever Delico was, he wouldn't ignore it.

“We'll be okay...” you wiggled your fingers gently towards him. Your hand remains suspended in the air, waiting for him.

It took a while but a small smile eventually finds you as you feel the tender, cautious grasp of your hand against his own.

“Heh... that's my Del...” Delico had sucked in a sharp breath just at the mere utterance of his pet name. The one you gave him. You heard the way he started choking back sobs, trying so hard not to cry because he felt like he didn't have the right to.

You could feel him coming undone.

“It's...okay...” you felt the sudden weight of your bed, the presence of his head nestling next to your body as he choked sobs into the cotton beneath you. You felt Yang move at your side, gently burying his head into the side of your shoulder as hot tears soaked the fabric of your dress shirt.

You smile, feeling the tears stinging your eyes as you tightly clutched their hands in yours.

You were with them as they were, poor boys in a cruel world but the center of yours, and you of theirs.

It's okay.