Why Won't You Love Me | 5SOS | Luke Hemmings

Thirteen

I love you so much that I hate you. Right now, it's so hard to blame you.

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My bedroom was finally starting to feel like mine. I had put new curtains up to bring color into the room. They were a peach shade that gave everything an orange feel. It was different, I had to admit.

I'd gotten curtains for the bed that made it feel more expensive and lavish than it really was. The rugs that littered the room were soft and shaggy, pairing well with the wooden floors underneath. I put fairy lights where the walls met the ceiling and around the backboard on my bed. Even Luke said he liked it.

I carried my water bottle with me down the hall as I headed for Luke's office. I'd spent a good week decorating my room and making it my own. Luke left me to my own devices, knowing he'd only get in the way. But he did tell me to get him once it was finished.

I stopped outside the door, hearing him speaking on the other side of it. He sounded tired and he sighed more than normal for a phone call. I wanted to know what he was talking about so I stayed quiet to listen.

"I don't want her feeling let down again. She's already been through enough." His chair creaked and I pictured him sitting back, an earpiece allowing him to hear what she was saying without needing to hold a phone up. "She knows about Maddox. No, I didn't tell her. She found out on her own. When you're in the public eye, you lose out on privacy."

I was surprised to hear Luke mad at her. He wasn't yelling or screaming at her. He wasn't making her feel like an inadequate parent. He was only putting her in her place when it came to being my mother.

"She wants to meet you but I don't want her getting hurt again. She's... I know that but..." He exhaled deeply. "I'll give her a choice. She shouldn't have to suffer if she isn't ready for this."

I took a step back from the door and tried controlling my breaths. I didn't want to meet my mother under the stipulation that I was a burden to her during her last few months, weeks, days... however many there were. I'd gone sixteen years without knowing her, I could go the rest of my life.

I turned to leave, not wanting to talk to Luke about it at that moment. My bottle, which was metal, of course, hit the doorframe and filled the quiet space with noise. I froze, not knowing what to do.

"Maddie, come in." Luke said. I silently cursed the walls for not being more soundproof.

I took a breath and opened the door, deciding not to run from the situation like I would have so many times before. I needed to trust Luke and in order to do so, I needed to talk to him about things that were bothering me. "That was her, wasn't it?"

He studied my face for a few seconds before he nodded.

"Did she call you or did you call her?"

He cleared his throat. "She called me. She wants to know if you would visit her in the hospital."

I sat down in one of the puffy chairs that sat facing the desk and pulled my legs under me. "What do you think I should do?"

"It's your decision, Maddie."

I shook my head. "I want to know what you think."

He raised an eyebrow. "Personally, I don't think you should go. I know you want to meet her but it's only going to hurt you if she passes."

"Don't you think she wouldn't already know that? Why would she want me to see her if she's just going to die a week from now?"

"Maybe she wants to apologize for everything."

I rolled my eyes. "She can just do it over the phone."

"Think about it, Maddie. You won't be able to change your mind."

I sighed. "Fine. Where is she staying?"

"She moved to the U.K. not long after we split. There's a hospital in Manchester that is helping her."

"Great." I said sarcastically.

"You don't like England?"

"Their accents are stupid."

A smile appeared on his face and I didn't question him as I left the room. Anything that could go wrong in my life was. It was so unfair.