🌹 Poems and Prose - what lurks in the heart 🌹

"I want"

Okay so... It's not a poem but more of a speech? I think it's my first work of this sort. I wrote it about a year ago. Keep in mind then, that about a year ago I was less expirienced than I am now.

Art is refrencing to Queen's song "I want to break free". A fanart which I found on Pinterest.

Also, this is the last one for today!

I can't be who I want, although it's all about what you want! Me... What do I want? Since everything "I want" can't last for long.

When I said "I'm an artist", I heard "an artist can create something beautiful out of any material" back, so I'm not one. When I said "But... I like to read." I heard "You? And Books? Don't make me laugh!" in response, so I... Don't like it. And when I said "I can write nice stories.", I heard that "Yeah, but I don't know if on the exam you'll have points for that... Thing." so I can't write then.

So if I'm supposed to know something about myself, while listening to other people's opinions, then am I really who I think I am? Who I want to be? I want to be creative, but still I cant make something from anything. I want to read books in public but I'd be met with strange looks and a wave of shock, as it wouldn't look good, it would look... "Strange".

And of course, I want to be... No...  Be able to write nicely, but will the examiner think "This girl writes really nicely, she doesn't question my mistake in checking her exam, so she's a good girl with a future."? No! But the examiner will think "She made a mistake? Her lost!" or "Even if I wanted to change this I would break the rules.".

So can I be who I want to be?

Do things that I want really matter?

What matters to us is what is important. [a.n. duh.] But things that are important for me don't always matter for people surrounding me. For me, an important thing would be if I belived and hoped from something nice said to me, about me, but for somebody this would be equal to nothing. And so, my problems are usually labeled as "equal to nothing".

Because of that, I took the words "Be the one that you need the most." very seriously. Well, I neef a person that would listen, that would belive... A person that if you told them "I feel sick" they would ask you about it, tell you what's happening with you and even tell you how to fight it. Or, a person that would hug you, but being too afraid to say anything wrong they won't say anything, and everything will be said.

I'm just the one I'm missing. Or, at least, I'm trying to be. I want to be. But I don't know, if I am, because opinions of other people make me confused. Few say "You are great!", others say "Keep yourself away from me!". And even though I'm trying to be nice for both sides, I can't  make it. So, there is my conclusion : I can't be who I want to be, no matter how much I try. Although it's so important to me...