Because of that Night (Book 2)

Chapter 30: Zooey

Zooey tapped her chin, watching the clock tick, tick, tick by in these final minutes before Friday could really begin. The stoplight party was tonight, but more importantly, tonight was when she would finally be completely honest with herself.

Lila's words the day before, though they stung, were valid and reasonable. She had a choice to make: Hunter or Seth, and so far, she had been pretty selfish. She was holding Seth in limbo because she feared what would come with letting go of the option completely. But this just wasn't fair anymore. Zooey didn't want to be with Seth as much as she wanted to be with Hunter. With Seth, it could be easy, fun, and carefree, but with Hunter there was so much more history and deep connection she felt and couldn't deny within herself. She didn't just want the easy way; she wanted the difficult, she wanted the back and forth banter and the challenging nature of him. She was angry at Michael for what he had said about her and Seth in the car ride home the day before, but at the same point, she was grateful for it.

It wasn't until they had almost arrived at the party that Zooey had decided to trail behind. Even when she had rolled the window down to tell Michael and Lila to go on without her, she almost lost her nerve to go through with it. But once the words came toppling out of her mouth, there was no going back. She and Lila shared that familiar, knowing look, and immediately, Lila pulled Michael along with her and entered the house, leaving Zooey and Hunter alone for the first time in what felt like years.

Hunter reached forward to turn the radio down and shifted to face Zooey more. She picked at the leftover polish from over a week prior when she and Lila had done their nails but dared to look over at him. He had an awkward, little smile on his face that made it almost harder for Zooey to maintain her composure.

"What's going on, Zo?" he asked.

His tone almost seemed as though he knew what she would say already, or perhaps he was annoyed she was keeping him from his homework. Either way, Zooey tried her best to not let this sway her. She shifted her body, moving so that she faced him more head-on from where she sat in the passenger seat. He looked at her expectantly.

"I've known you basically my entire life," Zooey began. But watching his gray eyes staring back at her, she already felt like she was losing her nerve. She looked down at her lap, picking at her nail polish once again and letting out an awkward giggle. She shook her head, tilting her head up to look at the roof of the car, anywhere but back at his eyes.

"What?" he asked, joining in her awkward laughter.

Her cheeks were on fire with anticipation. She was so close to telling him, the moment was right there for the taking, but something about the whole situation made her want to act coy. She didn't want to be the one saying the way that she felt. If she was being honest, she had hoped she wouldn't have to do much of the legwork in this moment.

She had dreamed of the perfect, just-like-the-movies instance of this very moment. She would stumble over her words; he would lift up her chin from where she sat in the passenger seat. He would gaze into her eyes with a knowing smile and say something like I know what you're trying to say, and I feel the exact same way too. And then he would pull her in closer and kiss her, and it would all be so magical and surreal. They would drive away in his car together and park down near the beach, and even though it would be freezing, they would run out onto the sand together, chasing one another and making out like crazy. It would be just like what she had always wanted it to be. Perfect.

"No," she finally said now, covering her face with her hands. But suddenly she was blabbering on and on and couldn't even seem to stop if she tried. "No, it's stupid, I shouldn't have even done this. I just – yesterday when Mike had said that stupid thing about me and Seth and this party and what shirts we'd wear, I just – I was so embarrassed, and" –