Her Cinder Throne (Completed)

Chapter 83

The idea of sitting around like mackerel in a barrel, just waiting to be speared for dinner, made Cole's skin crawl. They had basically shouted their arrival as loud as they could, and Gethwine would be sure to find them as soon as she could return to Avallen from the human realm. Suddenly, songs and tunes seemed woefully paltry when it came to turning the hearts of the nation toward a new queen. Why should the guards commit treason just because some bard painted a pretty picture of a girl with fierce eyes and mine-hardened muscles?

As if sensing her unease, Tanwyn reached out to gently squeeze her palm in a gesture so quick that the others would surely have not even noticed. But Cole noticed it, and she felt the heat of his palm against hers even as he stepped away and talked to Cadfael about the other bards and their progress with the villages and cities around the valleys and fields. She remembered the feeling of his lips pressed against hers, and the way her heart seemed to squeeze when she thought of his face and those aqua eyes. How she feared when she remembered the many times he was close to death... how she, at one point, would have been glad if he turned up dead. How long ago that seemed. How different he had been. As if they two of them had been characters in a play, desperate to have the other believe that they were someone else, and all the while missing the point that they were much better together as only themselves.

Cadfael glanced up at the horizon, where the sun was now gently dipping into an explosion of pink and blue and shimmering rainbows. Sunset, but done in the only way Avallen seemed capable of doing anything. With colors and spectacles that would never have been possible in the human realm.

"We should part ways now. We cannot help you any further with trying to persuade the people. It is up to you now," he said, swinging his lute by its leather strap over his shoulder. "Queen Gethwine will be seeking yourself or your mother, so it is best that we, the bards, hide somewhere else. Our lot has been cast with yours, but we have already been punished for trying to change the throne before. We will let it unfold without us."

Cole nodded. "I understand, and I wouldn't want you to be there when she comes. We have no idea if she will swing her sword first, and ask questions later. So, please, go in peace and be rest assured that should I take the throne, you will have nothing to fear again."

Maelona smiled, sorrowful and ancient like a barren mountain side cliff. "Nothing to fear except the man who reaches into the heart of magic and twists it into something darker than night," she said. "Take care that you do not lose sight of who the true enemy is. Don't burn the entire city to the ground when it is only a small pile of wood that needs to be lit, Cole. Keep the true evil in your sights, and direct your flames there."

Then, Cadfael smiled, bidding goodbye to Tanwyn and Cole, and with a tingle of magic in the air the two bards disappeared before Cole could even realize that Maelona had used her human name for the first time.

###

Tanwyn and Cole waited out the moments for Gethwine to arrive by staring at the small bonfire they'd built to keep the chill from their bones. Cole's mother lay by her side, her head in Cole's lap, sleeping even though their lives could be over in a few short hours. Cole knew she shouldn't be surprised by how her mother could so easily close her eyes at a time like this, but she couldn't help but feel a tinge of resentment in her chest. While her whole body shook and her mind whirred and leaped with terror and thoughts of running away, the woman who should be protecting her was sleeping as soundly as a babe in her own lap. Though it felt like a betrayal and meanness wrapped in one, a small bead of anger rolled around in her stomach as she thought about how she should be the one receiving the gentle strokes to her hair and the murmured voices turned low to make sure she wouldn't wake.

"She's been through a lot. She may have times where she seems normal, but she was in Thijs' dungeon for years. A decade," Tanwyn said, almost as if he had peered into her mind and seen that shameful little feeling buried deep in her heart. "The king is known for torture that would break even the strongest of warriors."

Cole licked her lips, already remorseful of the selfish thoughts. "I know. I just wanted... it's been so long since I had someone looking out for me. I'm tired of being the strong one. The one to work hard and keep others afloat. For once, I wanted someone to hold me tight and tell me that I don't have to worry because they'll worry for me."

Tanwyn's smile was crooked and sad. "We're both more alone than we should be," he said, staring into the flames of the bonfire. "My mother, she never had much use for a son. She wanted a helper; someone to take her side and fight with her to become queen. I thought I loved that we were a team, almost peers, until I realized that her quest had led her to her grave and I was left alone, wingless and outcast, with no one at all to take my side."

Cole chewed on the inside of her lip, staring at her feet stretched out before her. "Neither Eldritch nor human. And now we're here fighting for both."

Tanwyn nudged her leg softly with his own. "Speak for yourself. I'm still Eldritch even without the wings."

Cole raised an eyebrow and grinned. "Are you so sure of that, baldy?" She scuffed the side of his head with a laugh, but as her knuckles grazed the top of his ear, she slowed and trailed her fingers down his jaw to his cheek.

He leaned into her palm, pressing against it with his cheek and reaching for her other hand with his. She couldn't move or make much noise with her mother lain out across her, but she wanted to. She wanted to crawl into his lap and wrap her arms around him and see what it would feel like to truly belong to someone. She wanted to tell him she'd never leave him and hear him say the same words back. She wanted to thank him for giving her back her mother and showing her the truth of her bloodline, even if she still sometimes hated him for that.

But she settled for threading her fingers through his, locking them in place, and resting her head on his shoulder as the fire crackled in the cool night air. It was a moment of waiting, a brief wrinkle between two different eras. The time before Queen Caspia and the time after. Because, as soon as Gethwine arrived, that was what Cole would become. And it made her heart beat fast and her palms go slick with sweat as she thought of it.

She was going from a girl who had fought so long to belong to anyone, to a woman who would belong to every single citizen that trusted her with their lives. She would never be her own again, and she was afraid of what that might mean.

Tanwyn didn't say anything, because he knew there was nothing he could say to comfort her. He merely traced his thumb along the side of her hand held in his, and tipped his head down to rest on the top of hers. His breathing matched hers perfectly, like a soft breeze bringing the promise of spring and new life. And Cole hoped against hope that it was right. That new life was the one that was approaching them through time and circumstance, bringing with it happiness and justice and truth. She hoped that the crown that would sit on her head could be as light as a feather and shared with the people.

But somehow, as she stared into the flames dancing up into the night sky, she doubted this. She doubted that the upcoming fight with Thijs was going to pass away into the annals of history calmly and in order. It was not a clean and neat war coming. It would be destruction to everyone involved. Whatever was going to happen, it would not leave them as it had found them. And it made every cell in Cole's body shiver as she bit back on her tears and tried to remember this last night, this quiet moment with her mother's head pressing against her knee and Tanwyn's shoulder pressed to hers. Her people. Her real people, right here and now. Leaning against her as she leaned against them.