You're Not Alone

It's Gonna Be Okay

"Are you guys okay with watching the kids for a few minutes?" Linda poked her head into the den where the family was occupied by the game. Jack and Nicky played together, none of them caring about what was on tv. Sean slept peacefully in his grandma's arms.
"Absolutely. Everything okay?" Erin spoke for the whole family.
"Probably not...." she turned around and took the stairs two at a time. She found Danny in his old room, sitting on the bed. She sat down next to him. "What's going on with you?"
Danny closed his eyes, refusing to look at her. If he looked at her, he was going to cry. He did not want to cry. "I just..... I keep seeing it. Seeing how I hit you. Twice. And it— what if I hurt you again? But worse. What if I snap and hurt the kids? What if— I keep having this dream-thing play out in my head. I keep seeing me and I see you. You look so beautiful....... in your long silk skirt, matching bra-tank top thing, and your see through crop sweater thing. Everything's purple. Your favorite color. And I'm there, in my uniform, and there's this bug-ant thing. It bites me on the neck, and something happens.... I-" Danny's voice cracked as he tried to get his breathing regulated. He felt Linda's hand rubbing his back, "I hurt you. Badly. I pounce and don't even ask. I just— I- I take advantage of you. Then I- I stab a knife in your heart."
"Oh, baby." Linda pulled him into a hug, letting him cry on her shoulder. She was glad she closed the door behind her; she didn't want anyone seeing him this upset. "You could never do that. You never would do that. Never ever."
"I just wan' it to stop." He mumbled between sobs.
Linda's heart shattered into a million and one pieces for her husband. She really had no idea how his fears kept playing out before his eyes; how the fears haunted his dreams; how, because of those awful sights, he was afraid to go to sleep. "It's okay. We'll get you help. We'll look into it..... Aw, Danny. Don't cry." She kissed his ear, not knowing what to do other than hold him. "Just... calm down, sweetie. You're gonna be okay. I promise, you're gonna be okay..... Danny? I love you. I love you so much."
"I hurt you," he argued, still upset.
"But not on purpose. And I've hurt you, too. But neither of us meant it. I forgive you, baby. I've forgiven and forgotten. Now why can't you?"
"Because I'm terrified I'll do it again. Without even realizing it before it's too late."
"Danny, look at me." She gently cupped his tear-stained face. "Listen to me. You're not gonna hurt me, you're not gonna hit me. You're gonna love me till the end of time. I know this. I can see it in your eyes, feel it in your hugs, taste it in your kisses. And I love you just as much. Maybe more..... remember my friend Brie?"
Danny nodded, head still in Linda's hand.
"I think she can maybe help us. If you're having..... parasomnia, maybe she can help. She majored in psych and some other aspect of nursing I can't remember," Linda shook her head. "The point is, she'll help. I'm sure she'll do it for free. Baby, there's only so much I can do. I minored in psych, but I really think an expert should help..... Dr. Crane isn't doing anything for you?" She wiped the tears away.
"Not really."
She nodded, "okay. I'll call up Brie. We'll have a lunch. We'll talk. Her brother was a marine, too, so she'll have a better understanding than Dr. Crane..... ready to go eat?"
"Are you gonna tell them what happened up here?"
"Of course not, Danny. It'll be our secret.... go wash your face."
Danny walked to the door and opened it, pausing briefly. He looked over his shoulder, "Linda?"
"Yeah, babe?" She smiled softly.
"I love you."
"I love you more."
"I love you most." He smiled at her before disappearing.