forever // ziam

[7] scars

warning: slight chance of trigger

"Suddenly I feel like talking about the past" Zayn says in the middle of the movie.

I pause it and look at him, "Why?"

"I mean like... we're getting married soon. I guess it's time to know the man i'm marrying"

"But Zayn, you already know everything"

He doesn't actually. There's still that one thing he doesn't know. The one thing I still kept doing even after I was with him.

"Liam you're lying"

He knows me so well.

"I'm not. And plus, how can you tell i'm lying?"

"Everytime you lie you start to play with your fingers"

"I do not"

I look down and watch my fingers move around. I look back at Zayn and he smiles.

"Now tell me what you don't want to tell me"

"I don't really want to talk about it...."

I can feel the invisble scars aching again. And the memories instantly flash through my mind.

"I love you Liam. I will never say anything to hurt you on purpose"

"I know Zayn, but this is the one thing no one can know about"

"Please" Zayn begged and moved closer to me on the couch.

"I don't want to talk about it" I push Zayn away.

Why can't he understand that this is something very personal to me. Why can't Zayn understand the meaning of the word no. I love him, but he needs to know his boundaries and what he doesn't need to know.

"Fine Liam" Zayn stands up and starts walking towards the backdoor to the backyard.

I watch him leave through the backdoor and the moment he turns around I pull up my longsleeve. I start to rub on my arm and watch the make up come off. Sure enough you can see the almost invisible faint scars. Suddenly I felt a tear drop on my arm. Everytime I am reminded of those 3 years before I met Zayn and those 5 months after we've been together, I just... break.

No matter how much he tries, he won't know what happen. He can't know.