Unspoken || Sirius Black

20.

It had been a week since we found out about the night of my birthday and even though Remus acted like he was okay I was certain he was not. Finding out that you assaulted someone with no recollection of it actually happening was slightly terrifying. On the other hand, I knew he was trying to get over what happened and I didn't want to bring it up and ruin everything. So I was definitely in a pickle.

"Do you think I should talk to Remus?" I asked James who was currently trying to charm a flower to sing.

We were currently in charms and Professor Narwegle had decided to take us outside so he could show us how to charm flowers to sing a cheerful melody but because James and I were lazy and tired we decided to sit near a tree and try to charm any flowers we saw there.

"What?" He asked dismissively, flicking his wand and pointing it at the flower.

"I said, do you think I should talk to Remus?" I repeated, staring at his flower that would not sing.

He sighed frustratedly at the flower and put down his wand and turned to me, "Talk to him about what?" James asked, absentmindedly.

James was acting strange today ever, since he had woken up he had been in a world of his own, he even skipped breakfast which was something he never did. He loved food, so whatever was preoccupying his mind was slightly worrying me.

I gave him a blatant look, "About the thing that happened last year!" I studied his face intently, "Whats with you? You're so distracted, today."

He ran a hand through his hair and shrugged, "I don't know -I just woke up and I realized that I could die some day - I could die today! I don't want to die not accomplishing something, y'know? I haven't done anything, I haven't seen anything. My life isn't special or memorable I haven't even fallen in love for Merlin's sake! What if I never do? What if I die alone? Do my parents even love me? Does anyone?" He rambled.

I raised my eyebrow at his mini-speech and laughed, "Ah, I know what you're going through. It's called an existential crisis. Basically its that moment where you question if your life has any purpose at all and let me tell you one thing James Potter - you do have a purpose." I said and squeezed his hand before letting go.

He leaned his head against the tree and faced me, "No I don't. How have I contributed to anything? I could die and it wouldn't even matter." he muttered, emotionlessly.

Was he kidding? I couldn't believe he had just said that. Usually I was not one for emotional talks but these days I couldn't help it and something inside me couldn't resist so I said, "You idiot. That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Of course it would matter- you matter! You don't have to win the quidditch cup or invent a new spell so you can have some value in life. You already have value - James, you're one of the greatest people I know. You have affected people's lives in so many ways - just by being you. Just because you haven't done anything doesn't mean you're never going to. For now, you just have to be the good person you are because soon you are going to doing some incredible things, James Potter."

My words must have struck a cord with him because his eyes got a little glassy and he gulped, "Do you really think so, Josie?"

Yeah, James Potter was a softie like that.

"No. I think you're going to fail in life and I just gave you that lecture to prove how pathetic you are." I said in the most sarcastic tone I could muster.