lc's oneshots

i can't make you love me

by :: dee

Eyes so bloodshot they are throbbing, lips so chapped they are bleeding. Another tissue leaps from my hand onto the floor that is now riddled with white wads of paper.

Another swarm of tears flood my eyes. This gut-wrenching realization hits me all at once. Everything I knew falls apart. The feelings of loneliness creep up my back clawing at my heart, slowly chipping what's left.

Hugging my shivering body. Images of you appear in my mind, images of you and me. Where did you go? Why did you go? I clenched my fist feeling the letter you wrote to me crumple.

I can’t make you come back. I can’t make you feel the same. Your image fades into a swarm of memories that hit me like a tsunami. One memory stood out to me. It was my last memory of you, the most excruciating of them all.

flashback

“I love you okay! You mean to me what I never meant to you” I say biting my inner lip until the metallic taste I have grown to love floods my mouth. I profusely scratch my arm. My whole body aching in agony. I feel like my knees could just give in and send me hurtling to the ice-cold floor.

“I-i can’t you know this. I’m sorry… I-” I can see guilt form in your eyes as you try to choke out your words. The breathiness in your voice relinquishes the strong facade you had always maintained.

“I know… I know shhh” I tried to hug you like old times but nothing was the same. Every friendly gesture you over thought as something I could gain.

“I don’t love you that way... I’m sorry” I know how you felt yet it still felt like my heart was shattering for the hundredth time this evening. I hurt you because of my stupid feeling. It hurt me to see you in pain.

I hesitated before I opened my mouth and all I can say is “I can’t make you love me if you don’t… you can’t make your heart feel something it won’t.” I couldn't hold it back any more tears flowed down my face in a torrent of pain and suffering.

“I have to go I don’t know where I just need to go but please read this when I’m gone. I beg you please read it!” You said shoving a piece of paper with dexterous handwriting littered throughout the page. Before I could even mutter a word you glanced at me for the last time. The last time my eyes would lay upon your heavenly features.

flashback over

I rubbed my swollen bloodshot eyes. That was three days ago, three excruciatingly long days. I couldn’t bring myself to read his letter. Some words are so incoherent from the smears of my tears.

The clock hits 5 am. My baggy eyes start to grow heavy. It was burdensome to keep them ajar. I laid the damp crumpled piece of paper on my dresser before crawling into my inhospitable bed. My once stiff body unwinds into a limp lifeless body. My eyes shut and I fall into a slumber…

Goodnight Yeonjun I will always miss you... one day I will pick myself up piece by piece and be able to look you in the eye. Goodbye, my love.