Aria
Laying in my hotel bed, I stared out at the sky through the windows of the balcony doors. After the shooting and I finally got to my things. Our place was under investigation of because that's where Carnell bled out at. I called Bree to let her know what was going on. She didn't call me or anything during those few days so that let me know she didn't even go home and that stayed at Jacob's. She was currently on her way here to keep me company. I haven't told her about me and Carnell dating in the past or anything that I've found out.
It's been two weeks now and I needed to talk to someone other than this therapist I was seeing now . I haven't heard from or seen my mom since before all this and it's got me thinking.
My parents were married for twenty-five years. They divorced after I graduated college. Ad least that's what my mom told me. After the Divorce my mom was in and out of my life, but hey she was like that my whole life. During these last few weeks my therapist has been doing some techniques to help me remember and let me tell you.. it's working.
I don't remember every single detail but if I keep going, I'm sure I will. My first memory was the crash. I don't like remembering much cause it comes back as a nightmare. You go through the whole experience again but in your mind. It's like being in the sunken place and something else is taking over your body. Knocking me out of my thoughts, someone was knocking at the door.
I know Bree said she was coming but she didn't say what time either. Getting out of the bed, I looked at myself quickly in the mirror. Fixing my bed hair and my clothes a lil bit. I wore all black Nike tights with a black and purple Nike hoodie. My hair was straightened and my face was fresh but slightly pink and puffy from some crying. Walking to the door I opened it and seen Bree and Carnell.
Letting them in, I walked over to the bed leaving them to sit in the lingering chairs.
"How you feeling sis?" Bree asked
"Just sad for the most part. I'm lost and confused. It's like I don't even know myself." I sighed
"How have you been dealing with all this?" She asked
"I've been just writing. I can't seem to do to much else." I said wiping my face with my hands
"I have to tell you something sissy.." Bree said adjusting herself in the chair
I did not like the sound of that and that her tone matched her face. Not saying a word, I let her talk.
"Your mom passed away about a month ago. She was found in her apartment yesterday, she killed herself. I got a phone call from my mom this morning."
All I could do was blink. I looked to Carnell and he looked unsure if he should comfort me. Him being hesitant and looking unsure made me wonder my relationship with my mom.
I couldn't even cry. Not because I was overwhelmed but because I just couldn't remember any love from her. Being around her was like being around a co-worker or someone you see here and there and don't have a care in the world what they are doing but your fine with knowing they are alive and okay. She's my mother. She's suppose to be a girl's best friend. How do you handle something like this. Speechless for words right now.
"Are you okay?" Carnell said
"I don't know how I'm suppose to feel? I don't feel hurt , I'm bummed that she's gone but between what I can remember and how she's been since the after the accident. She wasn't ready to be a mother but she did ad least try." I said shrugging
