Carnell
*3 weeks later*
Today we were meeting with Dr. Lynn. We met with her twice a week for an hour. In my opinion, she's very helpful for us. We understood each other more by telling our stories from our point of view for just about the first time.
We did let her know about about Aria's breakdown and let her know how her memory is coming along. Which was good, it's really a blessing to be where we are today.
"How are you both doing today?" She asked taking a seat in her personal chair
"I'm doing okay, I feel like I'm in a better moods these days." Aria spoke first
"I'm doing alright. Also in a better mood."
"How does that make the both of you feel? Knowing that your both feeling better?" She asked with a smile
Yea, we also mentioned that we're in a relationship again. She thought it was a good step forward with our already semi-set lifestyle.
"Good." We said together then laughing
We were high as a kite right now.
"So what's the topic today guys?" Dr. Lynn asked in all seriousness
"Our miscarriage." I heard Aria say
It was instantly, that I sobered up. She never mentioned our miscarriage. I know we have our feelings towards this but we sleep in the same bed together. You wait until we're high and in therapy to talk about our dead unborn child? I didn't know if I should speak or not speak at all.
"Carnell, are you okay? You got tense when she mentioned the miscarriage." Dr.Lynn spoke again
Dr. Lynn has a mama's voice. It wasn't harmful. It was loving and sweet and you act on her words. In a room full of noise I still heard her.
"She never spoke on it. So I didn't push her to. Why did you wait until we've had another therapy session to say how you felt about this? With all the stuff we been through with your memory gain? I was willing and waiting for you!" Maybe I was being dramatic but I still felt some type of way
"Carnell, I understand that your upset, but this session is where I feel comfortable enough for us to talk about that hurt. I didn't mean to upset you but we gotta heal entirely if we're going to move and and live a "normal" life." She said rubbing my back whole side hugging me
I sighed and wiped my eyes. How could an miscarriage have so much affect on a person? I was hurt. We were so excited for our baby. Why did we have to crash?!
"I blamed myself for the lost of our son. You didn't want to go on a picnic that day. You wanted to go to the beach." I said looking at her. Now I'm in tears.
"If we had never went then our baby would still be here and we would've been together those five years instead of healing off an accident. We didn't remember each other and when I did.." I said gathering my words. "She looked at me as if we didn't have the most deepest history. So, yea I played along to win my girl back she's my lifeline." I was in tears. Loosing our son took the biggest toll on me once I regain my memory. I felt like shit for months.
"I wish our son was here. I was so r-r." I cried out then sniffed. " I was so ready to be the best dad that I could be. After all I didn't have my real parents around. They ad least they left me to live but I killed my own son."
It was silent. I reached for tissue from the table and wiped my face.
Hurt was an understatement.
Aria hugged me. She hugged me so tight. Periodically she'd squeeze a little tighter but this hug was well needed because I was letting it out. I'm alone in this world with no parents to guide me. My mom died when I was 3 due to domestic violence and my dad has always been M.I.A.
