Aria
I was beyond excited when we arrived in Maldives, the resort was just amazing. Peaceful too. I couldn't help but to think about Carnell's & I relationship. Is it really love? I know I sound stupid but what if he doesn't love this new me? What if it's the old Aria he's inlove with still? I wanted to be open minded and tried not to think too much on it but Carnell putting all this together just made me feel like it was being a tad bit rushed.
"Hey, are you okay?" He asked getting in bed, now facing me
"I have something that's been on my mind for a while. I feel like things with us will become complicated. I don't want you to be doing all of this because you loved the Aria that you remembered. I fear that you won't love who I am now. I like us getting to know each other and being in this cupcake phase. I want it to stay this way. I don't want us to overdo this. I want this to work because I do feel something very special but painful for you." I said leading him to the balcony over the water.
We seem to get somewhere much smoother in our conversations when we're under the influence. We had a private chef for the night so we were currently killing time until it was time to eat.
"I had to learn to be okay with that before even approaching you again." He started as he lit the spliff as we sat down on the giant pillow near the water
"I never thought I'd get the same Aria back after the accident. Then for us to meet again. I mean you didn't even remember who I was. Yea you knew I was apart of a boy band but I was with you throughout some of that time to. I knew you weren't the same anymore. So, I'm okay with doing whatever it takes to make you and myself as comfortable as possible, to make us work. We've been through a great deal and I don't expect for us to be the same as we were. I like this for us too." He said.
I was on the verge of tears because I really didn't expect for him to understand. I really wanted him to blow up, ruin the trip so we could leave but here we are. I don't know why my mind imagines the worst of a situation that turns out or could've been good.
"You've been through a great deal of hurt and pain which I know in the past I've added to that hurt but you've always suffered from abandonment issues. You always push people away when all you have to do is open up." He continued again
I wasn't mad but it did change my perspective a bit. I could lose him if I keep this up. I knew that I had suffered . Through the time I did spend with my "mother" she had no issue throwing that in my face.
"You're very understanding. I underestimated this conversation. I thought it would go left. Give me some time. Im learning to be more open minded." I admitted taking the blunt from him as he passed it to me
"I try to be different from how I was before. Thank you for not assuming, and for wanting to look at the bigger picture." He said as I passed the L back
"Yea.." I watched him inhale then smile a little.
Why was I so weird about this? I couldn't even tell you if I knew.
Carnell
I thought more about how Aria felt about about us being together. I like this phase that we're in and it's a great space to be in.
I was feeling it so I sat back and listened to the water. That was until she sat on my lap facing me. We were high and we definitely haven't shown each other any sexual attention at all.
Wrapping her arms around my neck, she looked at me before going in for a kiss. This kiss right here.. gone make me a little to happy and I need for her to calm down. We still have guest arriving. She didn't know that but I could deflee take her right here.
