Aria
Carnell and I was currently sitting at the breakfast table in our villa talking. Carnell got a very upsetting phone call right before we went out last night and another one earlier this morning. He was in a mood but wasn't talking to me about it.
"Last night we took it there, wanna talk about it?" I asked finishing my breakfast and sitting my dishes in the dishwasher
"We did go there. I feel more open with you now but still feel like a little kid with butterflies though. It's really hard talking about my feelings sometimes. I don't like to feel mushy for to long makes me feel weak." He said chuckling
"Your not weak you just have a soft spot for me. That's apart of love and that's okay. Last night was the first time I've had sex in two years. With you, It felt meant to be. The other guy I was with then. It was so bad, the relationship was bad so of course so was the sex." I started
"I decided to wait until I was married but of course everything went differently with you. Carnell, I love you and last night felt like we were in-love and nothing could stop that. I'm not fully where I'd like to be but I can feel myself getting there. With you. You have oh been the best support for me babe and I love where we're at. This feels fresh." I said
"I got you a gift." I said going to get the bag i was hiding from him
Pulling the box out of the Zales bag, I passed him the blue box wrapped in a white bow.
"What is this?" He asked surprisingly
"Open it." I said with excitement written all over
He opened the box and smiled instantly.
"I love this babe." He said kissing my cheek as I sat on his lap
"You didn't have to buy me a gift babe. I really appreciate you for getting this for me." He said side hugging me
"I know but this is the start of me showing you my appreciation." I said running my fingers through his curls
Pulling my face his direction, he kissed me. I remember vaguely of him showing as much affection that he has but now he's always affectionate. I love it.
"Look, at the lovebirds Bae." I heard Jacob's voice say
"You don't never know how to go elsewhere do you?" Carnell asked as he looked up towards bree
Over these past months, these two bicker back & forth like brother & sister.
"Anyways, were pregnant!" He said cheesing while waving Carnell off
B stood there shaking her head at his over excitement. She was over it and it showed. I thought chuckling to myself
"Congratulations Bro." Carnell said dabbing him
"Thanks man but sorry to say we have to leave y'all here cause we were able to find an OB that can see us sooner than later. We leave late tonight." Jacob said sitting on the love seat next to Bree
"Your health and baby is more important. We can always link when we're back home." I said understanding
Bree wasn't feeling to good yesterday and she could barely eat anything today. I felt bad for my friend.
"Yea, what are you guys plans for today?" Carnell asked
"Probably rest really. We did what we could and we plan to come back after the baby is born." Bree said
I was happy for my friend. They got it together and settled down.
We quit our jobs after what happened with Carnell and our old place. We were becoming our own boss. She was now successful overnight with her hairline. Same with me and my merch. We sent our products to Youtuber KaylaNicole and she promoted us in her video. Buzz been up ever since. Bree took on the world for my stuff until I was better and now that I am getting better mentally I want to do the same in return. I don't want so much stress on her while she's pregnant so I knew this would be a good thing.
"Yea, today feels like a lounge day." I said agreeing
The sun wasn't out and it honestly looked as if it was going to rain. I felt good but of course that didn't match up for the weather. I could use some cuddling and some booty action.
"Y'all, go ahead we can chill and watch a movie or something later before we leave." Bree said laying her head in Jacob's lap
"Okay , cool. C'mon babe let's go find something to watch." I said to Carnell as I got up from the table making my way upstairs
I was happy for them and the new baby. I did feel a tad sad but I didn't want to show it.
Making my way inside the room I sat on the bed and turned the tv on to search for something to watch. Carnell walked in a moment later laying across the bed, facing me.
"You okay?" He asked
"I'm okay." I said truthfully
I was and that was my honest truth. I have moments like these because now looking back, I was her. Pregnant and happy. Nothing now.
"That was us once. I have my moments where I do think about it and wish things were different for us. I wonder where we'd be right now now that we're back together. I love you don't get me wrong but I do wonder." He said, I honestly felt the same way. We wanted our baby and everything went down hill once the accident happened.
Than we basically vanished from each other's life for five years. How could you possibly expect for us to bounce back how we were? We gotta learn each other all over again. I believe we were going to be okay and I couldn't wait to start my forever but this time being more cautious.
"I understand completely. I feel the same way. We have to go on in life pretending that they are here but they aren't. I know exactly how you feel. I just don't speak on it much because than I get stuck in a mood and most times I don't get out. We can move past this. We know that it wasn't our fault. If you want to blame someone it cannot be yourself." I said
Again, I was okay. I found a way to keep pushing but at times and even some days. I do things that include me seeing or dedicating myself to our baby. It relieves my thoughts and that's why I keep up at it. I really hope Carnell finds his way too.
"I hear what your saying and I understand completely. It's just hard to stay on track when trauma works in mysterious ways." He said facing me
"Don't worry, that's why I'm here to help. I love you and I won't watch you beat yourself up about this. You did it enough. Now we need to work on the acceptance of him not being here with us. You still have to live. You still have to provide for yourself. We have each other for reassurance and I'm all for giving it. Specially if it helps with your mental." I said caressing him a little
"Thank you for that. That would help me a lot baby." He said kissing my cheek
"That's what I'm here for. Stop treating me so fragile all the time. I'm not going to leave you babe." I said truthfully
"You promise?" He asked
"I do." I said kissing him
I don't know what happened during his last relationship but it seems as if reassuring him seemed to put him at ease. I'm okay with that.
" I love how honest we can be. Also that your profiling ways still hasn't changed." He said laughing
"What do you mean?" I said laughing along
"You read that reassuring me would be the best output for me and your okay with that too." He said
"Well, that wasn't hard. We all need it. We all have a story." I said shrugging
Today, we laid up and than laid up some more and soon after we watched a few movies with Jacob and B. I can get used to this. I'm glad we have each other.
