The Inceptive Flame⎪✓

❨40❩

♀︎

Thursday rolls around with no sight of Elijah anywhere, his call that one night is the last I heard of him. It bugs me slightly and I hate myself for reacting like this to not seeing him, school is easier with his teasing comments next to me. Dani and Relly still don't know what has happened between him and I, they pry and ask me daily by now, especially since Dani saw us at her house that day. 

I mentioned him two days ago and opened up to the subject of him and I growing closer, but something within me can't bring my mouth to say exactly what we have done. 

"You're always zoning out, Kota," Dani laughs as she hands me a fry from my untouched plate, I take with a smile and look around the cafeteria. Our school is buzzing, we are only three weeks away from graduation. "Okay, fine. I've had enough, who are you looking for?" Her annoyed tone shocks me slightly, Relly seems surprised as well. 

Something urges me to tell them, "You know Elijah, right?"

"Well duh," Relly smiles. "What is with him?"

"We may have kissed a couple of times," I say and both of them take a second to digest, before erupting in screams and standing up from our table. I desperately hush them and push their bodies to sit down again, this is exactly what I feared would happen. "Don't make a big deal out of it, please."

Dani shakes my shoulders in excitement, "Why haven't you told us, Kota?"

"I'm not sure," Pondering with a little frown on my face. "Probably because I don't even know what's going on myself. None of us know what we want from it, I'm off to college in a couple of months and have to be there for my dad. It simply isn't in my cards to date at the moment."

By the mentioning of college, they nod their heads in understanding. Dani and Relly are going to a college four hours away from here, in a big city. They begged me to join them, but for some reason it felt wrong. I have decided on a college two hours away, in the other direction from theirs, unfortunately. My college is in a slightly bigger town than Hetdale, but nothing too extravagant, which is exactly what I need for my upcoming years. 

"So you haven't slept with him?" Relly queries, wiggling her eyebrows creepily. 

"We haven't had sex, no."

"Yet."

"Relly!"

She laughs, "Well pardon me, he is a very hot specimen, as is you. I don't see the issue here."

"The issue is that there isn't one, when I'm with him I forget about everything for a while. It's refreshing. But I can't focus on dating right now."

Dani frowns in confusion, "So he doesn't know about your dad?"

Shaking my head, "No, I haven't told him."

"Are you going to tell him?" She asks. 

Her question is fair, but it's absolutely impossible for me to tell him. It, at least, feels so. He is a breath of fresh air for me because he has no idea of my fucked up situation, he allows me to forget because he looks at me like I'm a sane person. He doesn't judge, but that is only because he has nothing to judge me on. I won't be the one to give him a reason. He saw my mom this weekend and I haven't seen him since, the thought of him changing on me chokes me up for a second. 

"Not yet, my dad is a very sensitive subject to me."

"We know, Kota," Dani comforts and Relly nods in agreement. "But maybe he should know why you act a bit hot and cold."

"I don't!"

"Not yet, but once high school is over you're out of this town before anyone can spell Hetdale. Don't even deny it."

"That may be true, but that doesn't translate to me being hot and cold towards him."

"Like I said, not yet. We just can't sit around and watch your heart get broken, I'm trying to be a friend and urge you to prepare for the fall."

She is right, it annoys me because she is speaking the truth I've known for a while now. Ignoring the reality of things is much easier than facing problems, it's certain that my heart will break once my dad dies, but he isn't dead yet. He is fighting and I won't be the one treating him like a dead person already, he's in there somewhere, he hears me and feels my presence. 

Elijah is another aspect that I don't dare touch on in my mind, it's hard to ignore the connection we have, but it's too much for me to consider how much it will hurt me to leave him. 

"I'm prepared, Dani," The lie slips from my lips, it's much too easy for me to lie. Elijah is the only person calling me out on it, which is both infuriating and amazing. I feel like he hears me on another level, his past has not been perfect either, as much is clear. "Can we change the subject now, please?"

Relly looks at something behind me and smirks, "The subject is actually walking in your direction right now, so probably not."

His presence in the room is suddenly very obvious to me, a small shiver teases my body and as I turn around, his green eyes find mine instantly. He ruffles his disheveled hair, the sight of his rough hands provokes a knot in my stomach. It feels like so much time has passed since I saw him last, wanting nothing more than to hug him. He takes confident strides in our direction and stops right in front of me, "Can we talk, love?"

That term of endearment is one of the things I really like about this man, he isn't afraid to be himself in front of my friends. He isn't hiding the fact that he calls me 'love' from anyone, in the beginning I hated the term, especially since he used it very early into knowing him. Now, I don't want it any other way. This is exactly what I wish for in a guy. 

Accepting his outstretched hand, my smaller one is swallowed by his big hand, he gently tugs me with him. I smile slightly at my friends as they fan themselves dramatically, rolling my eyes I follow Elijah out of the cafeteria. Ignoring all the stares, just enjoying the feeling of my hand in his.