sweet, sweet baby

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CHAPTER ELEVEN

„It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything

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„It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."
- Chuck Palahniuk | from „Fight Club"


•••

𝘔𝘺 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨,
𝘞𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘺, 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘸𝘦? 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘦𝘵, 𝘸𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘭𝘪𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘮𝘦, 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘦𝘵𝘭𝘺, 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥. 𝘕𝘰 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘥𝘥𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥. 𝘐 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺. 𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘦. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘴, 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘢 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦, 𝘐 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘢 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵. 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘴𝘰 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘵. 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦. 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘥𝘥𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘢 𝘣𝘦𝘥𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺. 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘮𝘺 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘔𝘺 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘺, 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦, 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘺 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴, 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘦𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘺 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘶𝘥𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘪𝘨𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘥. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘨𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘧 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘱𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳. 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴. 𝘐𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘥, 𝘐 𝘴𝘪𝘵 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘦𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯. 𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘐 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘯𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘖𝘒 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘴𝘢𝘥 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵. 𝘐𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘯𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘴, 𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴, 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘧𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵. 𝘚𝘰 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘦𝘹𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘴. 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘰𝘳 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦. 𝘐𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴, 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘦, 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵.
𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘔𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘺.

The letter, wrapped in a dark red envelope, lay well hidden in a small memory box. All her life she had been worrying about other people, worrying about their well-being, but while she was out saving the world, who was out for her? Who was saving her? No one, no one was, and this little letter was the first step into reality. On days like this, she would like to hide under her blanket. The letter she pressed tightly to her chest, was often the only tangible thing she could hold on to. Moments that were only memories seemed to come alive again. The photo, showing HIM and HER with her small, round belly - had a very special place in the black memory box.

Even if it was the last thing she wanted to think about; she would have been pleased if two strong arms could hold her in just such moments. Arms that belong to none other than Montgomery de la Cruz. It was kind of silly to think of him like that, when he was just a friend. But in the end, he was all she had left - something she only now realized. She had no one else. The only friends she had would never come back.

"Flightless Bird, American Mouth" by Iron & Wine, played softly in the background as she drove down the lonely streets to Liberty High.
But she would have much preferred her warm bed, in which she was still lying a few minutes ago. But what must be, must be. Even though she is definitely not in the mood for it today. She got out of her car and put on her jacket because it was a grey, windy day.

„I fucked up - ok. I SCREWED UP. But please don't ignore me. Please." He was so close that she could feel his breath on her neck.

„Don't do this here..", her stomach dropped to her toes and her heart was beating 100 mph.

„Look at me.. You know I'm not like that."

„Please-" Montgomery repeated once more when Lara only stand there in stunned silence, broken abruptly from her thoughts. She could smell the cologne-infused scent of his body wash and she was struck by the sudden thought that he had never appeared more beautiful than he did in that moment. The shirt he had on looked well-worn and had a hole in the hem, and the sweatpants hanging low on his hips were ripped at one of the ankles. His eyes shined with both apology and a sense of urgency she had never quite witnessed in them before.

„What?" Lara murmured, fiddling with her fingers.

„I am really sorry- ," Montgomery clarified, swallowing audibly. „For what I said."

„We've talked-"

„No," he interrupted before she could continued any further. „I'm sorry," his apology was repeated once more as his large, warm hands raised to cup either side of her face. „Sometimes I forget how easily your feelings get hurt and I don't realize I've done it until it's already too late." Monty lamented with a soft gaze and even softer strokes of his thumbs across her cheeks. „But you have to realize that I don't mean to," he added quietly, unwilling to let her look anywhere but at him. „I never mean to."

„You said mean things, they really hurt me. But in the end, you don't have to apologize to me - we are not in a relationship and we never will be," Lara whispered, bashfully peering up at him from beneath thick lashes. „The only thing that's finished is the sex between us."

„Look," nostrils flaring and eyes narrowed as he drew himself to full height to tower over her small frame menacingly. Lara shrunk back, curled into herself, and stared up at him with wide eyes. „Just because I apologize doesn't mean I love you -" he spat, pointing a harsh finger in her direction. „So don't be a little kid and don't finish what "we have". I have apologized - why can't you accept it and everything is like the old one? You think I'm running after you? A snap of my fingers and I got a new chick. I sure as hell don't have to be stuck with you." He laughed then, but it wasn't the carefree, boyish chuckle he had shared with her many times before. Rather, it was an angry, hopeless sort of sound that made Lara's heart stutter in her chest. She didn't like it, she admitted to herself easily. She didn't like it one bit.

You know what?" He scoffed, rolling his eyes heavenward. „It. is. over." The corner of his lips lifted into a joyless smirk. „I guess it's sort of ironic though." He chuckled darkly. „We were never a „thing" but like you are - totally stupid - I have to break up with you, because nobody breaks up with me first, you unterstand?" His eyes flashed at her with a menacing glint. „Well, I gotta go. I'm gonna find a new bitch. Maybe one that isn't as boring as you were." Then he turned on his heel and retreated into the Liberty High without so much as a backward glance.


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