Bella
Groaning I rolled over and buried my head under the pillow. I was never drinking again. Not only did I have a slight headache, but it had made me dream shit I didn't really appreciate.When they all left I had dreamed about Edward for the first couple of months and then it had switched to the whole family. Thankfully though they'd stopped almost a year and a half ago or if they hadn't I just didn't remember them when I woke up. It seemed like alcohol didn't keep that from happening though.Shaking my head to try to get the image of Jasper holding me out of my head I moved the pillow away and checked the clock by the bed. Seeing that it was almost 10 I dragged myself up and headed to the bathroom for a shower hoping the hot water would help clear my head a little more.Once I was done and feeling better I threw on a pair of shorts and tank top before heading downstairs to get something for breakfast.I didn't pay much attention as I went into the kitchen and pulled open the fridge door. I seriously needed to go to the grocery store today. Pulling out the milk I turned only to drop it with a scream as I took in the figure standing in the doorway."Shit, sorry…sorry. I'm not going to hurt you." He said quickly holding up his hands.As my heart beat furiously in my chest I closed my eyes tightly before opening them back up to see him still standing in the exact same position.Taking a step forward I whispered, "Are you real?""Yes," He whispered back with a small smile.He stood still as I took the last few steps to him. Reaching out a shaky hand I touched his own hand that he was still holding up.Feeling the marble skin under my fingertips I flung myself forward wrapping my arms around his waist and squeezing all the while praying he wouldn't disappear."I thought you were a dream.""I'm here," He said bringing his arms up around me.After a few seconds I let him go and started firing questions. "How? When? Why? Where is everyone else? Are they coming back? Are you staying at the old house? Where's Alice? Did she send you? Why were you at the bar last night? Were you at the bar last night?""Bella," he finally interrupted. "I will answer everything, but before I do you need to eat something and call your friend.""I'm not hungry." I said. "And what friend?"My stomach growled causing him to smile. "Your stomach says different and one of your co-workers. She was worried about you last night and gave me her phone number for you.""Sarah." I said more to myself than him. His nod confirmed I was right. "Fine. I'll call her first and then you can talk while I eat.""Alright." He agreed reaching into his pocket and pulling out a piece of paper.Taking it from him I ran upstairs to grab my phone. I didn't see it lying on my desk, nor could I find my purse. Turning around I jumped finding Jasper standing in my bedroom behind me."Fuck. Would you please stop doing that?""Sorry. Your bag was still downstairs.""Thanks." I said taking it and pulling out my phone.Jasper disappeared downstairs while I dialed the phone. It took five minutes to convince Sarah I was fine before she believed me. Once she did I told her I'd see her the next day at work. Hanging up I made my way back to the kitchen.Jasper was sitting at the table already the milk I'd dropped in front of him. Grabbing a bowl, spoon, and the cereal I sat across from him."Are you the only one back?" I asked fixing my breakfast and avoiding eye contact."Yes.""Why did you come?""I wanted to make sure you were okay and to apologize.""Apologize for what?" I asked."Bella.""Seriously, Jasper. You didn't do anything. Yeah you got a little carried away, but you didn't hurt me.""A little carried away. Bella I tried to kill you.""Would you really have? If you had touched me would you have sank your fangs in and drank from me?""I don't have fangs.""Semantics." I said waving my spoon. "Answer the question?""Alice says I wouldn't have." That brought me up short."What do you mean?""God Bella there is so much shit that has happened since we left. Things I don't understand and Alice is cryptic with stuff saying it all has to happen to make everything okay.""Make what okay?""Fuck I don't know. The future I think. She won't tell me anything. All I've gotten in the two years I've been here…."I tuned out whatever else he was saying as my brain registered his being here for two years. He didn't even notice I wasn't listening since his mouth kept moving.Closing my eyes I opened them back up to see him still talking."Stop." I finally said causing him to snap his mouth closed. "Two years?"I could feel the tears coming, but I held them off until I made sure I had heard him right."What?""You've been here two years?""Yes," He said looking away."So, you were here…" Clearing my throat I started again. "You were here when dad died.""Yes and I…"Holding up my hand to stop him from continuing I slid out of the chair and went over to the sink, putting my bowl in and bracing my hands on the counter. I knew he could feel that I couldn't hold the tears away anymore.For a long moment neither one of us broke the silence, but he finally came over and placed a hand on my shoulder, turning me to face him."I wanted to show myself that day Bella. I was halfway across the yard when she sent me a text. I called her back to argue and she said it wasn't time.""Not time? I needed someone; anyone. Someone that I loved and at one point thought loved me or at least liked me. That day and the days following were so hard and everyone that was here I didn't know well or I had already burned those bridges of friendship after you all left.""I'm sorry, but Alice seems to think it would have made everything worse.""Right, she is all knowing after all." I spat out sarcastically. "She obviously couldn't see how much pain there would be or she just didn't care.""Bella I don't think that's the case. Something bigger is going on.""Bigger my ass Jasper. You don't need to lie to me. None of you cared. I was just a little pet, there for everyone's entertainment and when it got old every one of you left me without a goodbye or a backwards glance. And maybe I should have just sucked it up and said that's life and people leave, but no matter what you all thought, to me you were family and I couldn't let go. Do you have any idea how hard it's been for me? Oh yeah you do because you're an empath and you've been here for two fucking years.""Bella please just let me explain and then if you tell me to go I will.""Why do you even need to wait for me to say it? You didn't last time."I had hit below the belt and knew it as he closed his eyes, but I think I'd earned that little jab and now that I was on a roll I was mad and couldn't stop."Why did you really come back? Was it just to see how much more pain you all could inflict on me before I broke completely? Let's pretend we all care by having the most unusual choice of family members watch over poor defenseless Bella and see if we can pull her back in again before we rip her to shreds or better yet see if she can fall in love again and prove that humans are just as stupid as you all thought."You know I would expect it from Rose and even Edward now, but the rest of you I didn't ever think would be that heartless. I guess the fact that I was the happiest I'd been since my party when I realized that you were in fact real just proves that I am stupid.""BELLA STOP." He yelled finally getting tired of me talking. "First you aren't stupid and second me coming back wasn't some elaborate plan, I don't think. I truly wanted to make sure you were okay and apologize. When I did that I'll be honest, I was going to leave, but when I saw how much you were hurting I had to stay. I couldn't leave you like that.""But that doesn't explain why you hid. Why couldn't you have just shown yourself to let me know that I wasn't completely alone?""The only excuse I have for that is Alice and I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's the only one I have. Every time I decided to come to you she would send a text that said not yet. I listened just because she'd never steered me or the family wrong before, but it was hard. Now I worry that me showing up is too little, too late.""Maybe that's what she was hoping. That I wouldn't want to hear anything from you and you would go back. You have been gone two years. She and the family probably miss you and want you home.""Bella the family hasn't been together in almost three years.""What?" I asked deflating."There is so much left to explain. Let's go in the living room and I'll tell you. If you want?"I nodded. "I need to go to the bathroom first.""I'll be on the couch."I nodded again and made my way upstairs.JasperFuck, Fuck, Fuck.I knew this wasn't going to be easy. Her anger I could deal with and believe me she had a lot of it there for a minute, but the hurt in the beginning was almost crippling and I still had to tell her about Edward and the rest of us causing more. Fuck.Whatever Alice believes is going to happen better be amazing that's all I have to say.I could hear Bella moving around upstairs as I sat down on the sofa. Burying my head in my hands I attempted to pull together everything I needed to tell her.A few minutes later I heard Bella coming down the stairs. I finally looked over at her when she sat on the other end of the couch from me."So where do we start?" She asked drawing her knees up to her chest."The beginning.""Okay. You talk and I'll listen."I nodded, turning to face her. Opening my mouth I let it all out. "The night of your party I hated myself. When Rose and Emmett got me outside and I realized what I had done I left then and ran to Alaska. I knew that that is where everyone would come. It was always the plan that if something like that was to happen we would leave and go there. Everyone but Edward followed the next day and then he showed up a few days later. We stayed two months and it was hell. No one laughed or smiled. They were disappointed and guilty and understanding and I hated it. Things were changing and it wasn't good."When we left Alaska we went to Montana, but it didn't help, all the problems just followed. We fought more. Rose and Emmett argued, Alice and I did, hell I think I even heard Carlisle and Esme going at it at one point. It got so bad we couldn't do it anymore. Edward went back to Alaska, Rose and Emmett went off by themselves. Alice left to go to school, but I don't know where that was. I started roaming around and finally settled for a little while with Peter and Charlotte.""Who are they?""Friends I had before I met Alice and a whole other story."She nodded and asked, "So where is everyone now?""I don't know. The only one I've spoken to since I've been here is Alice and only once with her and it the day I called her when Charlie died. Any other contact as been through her text messages and a letter she left at the old house. I did talk to Carlisle while I was with Peter and Charlotte and they were fixing to make their way back to Alaska for a little bit.""Why?"Shit, I should have known she would ask that. Well I guess I'm going to rip the Band-Aid off sooner than I wanted too."To see Edward and meet…""His new girlfriend." She said closing her eyes."Yeah, but they didn't really want to go. They both missed you and love you.""Is he happy?""I don't know and don't care. I was going, had every intention of finding out answers to the millions of questions I had about him and you, but I never made it through Canada.""What changed?""I realized that nothing he said would change what happened or make it better. You already knew about this life and were a part of it no matter if we were with you or not. Then I was mad because he wasn't coming back to you and I wouldn't get the chance to apologize. As soon as I figured that out an apology became the most important thing and I couldn't just let it go. If I tried I would have spent the rest of eternity wondering if you would have forgiven me.""When did you get here? I know you said two years, but when exactly?""Your birthday actually. A year to the day I left I came back.""So are you and Alice still together?""No. Not since we arrived in Alaska. Something was different. I don't know if it was her emotions or what, but something didn't feel right. Do I still love her? Yes, we were together a long time. Am I still in love with her? No and sometimes I wonder if I ever was.""I don't understand. You two were married.""We were at one point, but not since you came to Forks. It was actually about a month before you came.""Huh? Everyone always said that you two were married.""Everyone thought we were. We never told anyone about the divorce. I think Edward knew because you can't keep much from him, but he didn't say anything if he did.""How did they not know? I mean it's not like they can't hear you fighting.""It was a weekend everyone was gone hunting. Alice and I hardly ever fought, but when we did they were usually bad. We would be fine one minute and the next a switch would flip and we'd be at each others throats. It wasn't any different that weekend. We were hunting and had separated to find our own meal and she came back and lost it because I ripped my shirt. I mean it was one that she'd given me, but she always gave me my clothes so I don't know what the hell happened to piss her off. I tried to walk away and let her cool down, but it was like she was possessed or something and wouldn't let it go. It was such a stupid reason to fight, but we stood yelling at each other until she just blurted out that she couldn't be married to me anymore. That we were just two different people and it wasn't working.""And you just let her go?""Yes because at the time I assumed we would be getting married again later. That if she felt like she had to do this then I would give it to her and be there when she changed her mind.""But she never did.""No." I answered even though she hadn't said it as a question."You were right." She said suddenly."About what?""About all the shit that's happened since you guys left. Everything fell apart that night because of me.""No. Bella you were not to blame for anything that happened. We made our choice and everyone of us brought you into this life. We knew the risk and were willing to take them because we cared about you, but not one of us expected to care as much or you to feel the same way, so when we left it affected all of us and not in a good way. We should have sat down and talked to you afterwards instead of running and that makes it our fault. Would it have kept the family together if we had stayed? I don't know. Maybe we were never supposed to be a family for that long and this was going to happen all along, but that has nothing to do with you. You brought us light and happiness for the small amount of time you were around us.""Thank you.""I'm only speaking the truth." I said giving her a small smile and she returned an even smaller one. "Can I ask you a question or a few?""Yeah.""What happened with you the year I was gone?"She took a deep breath and said, "The days following my birthday I knew something was wrong. I knew Edward was upset and when he said we were leaving I seriously thought he was talking about me and him and he was upset because he was leaving you guys. As you know that wasn't the case.""What did he say?""I can't." She said shaking her head as pain hit me."Okay," I said quickly. "After he left what happened?""I got lost in the woods trying to follow him. Dad sent out a search party. Once they found me and took me home I became catatonic. I barely ate, barely slept because of the dreams, and I didn't talk to anyone.""How long?" I asked."Four months. Dad tried before then to wake me up you could say, but nothing he said made it better. He brought mom in and they threatened to make me talk to someone or go back with her. I couldn't leave so I pretended I was better and tried to go back to school, but I'd already missed so much it was pointless.""But you went back?""I did. I think dad had pretty much figured out I was a lost cause by summer and didn't pressure me anymore about anything, but I knew he wanted me to finish school and it was the only thing I could give him.""Why didn't you go to college?""I would have had to leave Forks. This was my home, where all of my memories with you guys were. I couldn't leave." We sat in silence a few minutes before she spoke again. "Are you done with all your questions?"I shook my head. I had only one more, but was having trouble getting it out.She finally said, "Just ask. It can't be worse than anything else."I wasn't so sure of that, but I asked anyway. "Are you still in love with Edward?"To my surprise she smiled before answering. "I can see why you would have trouble asking that and to answer no. I did in the beginning, and it hurt. I thought I was going to fall apart, hence the four months of being a zombie, but eventually I realized he wasn't coming back and those feelings of him kind of died away. I'll always love him, but never in that way again.""Don't take this the wrong way, but once that happened why did you continue to be unhappy.""Because as soon as I figured out he wasn't coming back it hit me no one else was either and that was so much harder to think about. It would have been so easy to go back to the way I was, but I knew that I wouldn't get a choice again from dad, so I continued to pretend, but inside it killed me everyday."I nodded and said, "To think that the past two years were because of the family and not just Edward. I could have fixed that maybe if I had not listened to Alice.""We can't change it." She said with a shrug of her shoulders."I'm sorry.""Don't be. You did what you thought was right.""No I didn't. If I had I would have knocked on your door a few days after getting to town.""Like I said we can't change it.""I know. It just pisses me off.""Can I ask my question now?""Yeah." I said knowing she wanted to change the subject."When we were in the kitchen before I found out how long you've been here you said Alice told you, you wouldn't have bit me. What did you mean?""Read this." I said pulling out the letter from my pocket and handing it to her. "I found it when I went back to the house the other day."She nodded and I waited while she read. I knew when she got to the part about her birthday because her anger hit me again."What the fuck is she playing with? None of this would have happened if you just gotten to me.""I know, but apparently if it had gone down that way something bad would have happened.""Something bad happened anyway.""The only thing I can figure out is something much worse would have come about.""Whatever. What is this future she says she saw?""Again I don't know. She won't tell me anything except she'll explain in time once everything is rock solid and can't be changed.""For someone all knowing she doesn't like to give out a lot of information."I chuckled quietly. "It's Alice and there has always been a method to her madness."A sudden wave of understanding hit as she reread the letter and she jerked her head up to look at me. "You said you found this the other day when you went back to the house, but Alice says she left it the day after my party. Why didn't you find it before then?""Because that was the first time I'd been there.""Why?""Because I couldn't see you and make sure you were safe from there.""So you've been where all this time?""In the woods across the street.""Jasper?""What? It's not like I have a need for a kitchen or a bathroom or have to sleep on the ground.""That's not the point.""Then what is?""You've been outside for two years. That's not right.""I deserve it for what I did.""No you don't and if you still think that then you need to read this again because apparently you haven't done what it said." She said throwing the letter back to me.Picking up the paper I scanned it again even though I already knew what it said, but holy shit was Bella right. I had thought the guilt was gone, but talking to her had just shown that subconsciously I was still feeling like it was my fault.Glancing up I caught her smiling. "You're right.""I know." She said her smile getting bigger."So, what do we do now?" I asked."Well I guess that depends.""On what?""On when you're leaving again.""When you tell me to go.""What if I don't?""Then I guess you're stuck with me.""Promise?" She whispered her eyes pleading."Promise."She smiled softly and then simultaneously her stomach growled as she yawned.Laughing I glanced at the clock shocked to see that it was almost 5. "You need to eat." I said looking back to Bella."Yeah. There's nothing here though. I was going to go to the store today.""Do you want me to go pick something up?""No. I'll order a pizza and then stop tomorrow on my way home from work for groceries." She said standing up.Walking by me she placed a hand on my shoulder. When I looked up at her she said, "I'm glad you're back."I nodded and she went on into the kitchen calling in her order.We sat quietly while we waited for her dinner. When it had arrived and we were in the kitchen she asked, "Will you stay here?""I thought we'd already established I would.""No, not here in Forks, but here in the house.""With you?" I asked. She nodded and I continued. "I don't know.""Why not?""What would happen if you cut yourself or something?""Alice's letter said to remember about my birthday, you would need the information later. Maybe this is what she was talking about and you won't have to worry.""That isn't a chance I'm willing to take.""But I could do it any way with you in the woods and you would still smell it.""Yes, but…""Please." She said cutting me off."Why does it matter where I stay?""Because I can see you if you're here.""I don't understand.""If you decide that you're tired of being around and leave I won't know until you don't show up one day.""I'm not going anywhere and if I did you would be the first to know.""You're right. It was stupid to ask." She said getting up the loneliness coming back in her emotions.As she started to walk by me I shot out my hand to stop her. "I'll stay in here with you, but if something happens or you get uncomfortable in any way then I'm back outside.""Okay."I nodded, dropping my hand."I think I'm going to bed. It's been a long day and I have to work tomorrow.""Alright. I'm going to go hunt and then get my clothes from the old house.""You'll come back?""Yes Bella. I'll be here when you wake up.""Thank You."I gave her a small smile and watched as she went out of the room and up the stairs. Hearing the bathroom door shut I stood and made my way outside, taking off running when I hit the woods.It didn't take me long to find me something to eat. Once I was full on deer and a mountain lion I made my way to the old house, grabbing what few clothes I had and a couple books that I liked to read.Going back to Bella's house I went slow thinking about all that had been talked about today. Bella's emotions had gotten to me which is the only reason I'd agreed to live with her. I couldn't change my mind now though; it would hurt her far worse than anything else. I just hope that it won't be the biggest mistake I've ever made.
