Bella
. As soon as I realized Jasper hadn't come back I sank to the floor. This could not be happening again. He had promised me he wouldn't leave until I told him to go and I hadn't told him to go.Sitting there at the bottom of the stairs my head buried in my hands I felt the first tear escape my eyes. I felt the warmth of it slide down my cheek and as it dripped from my chin my head shot up. Fuck this. He is not getting off that easy. I've already had to deal with one self-loathing vampire I won't deal with another. I didn't fight last time for them, but I'll be damn if I let him go without a fight this time.Pulling myself up off the stairs I raced to the phone and called in sick to work. It was the only time I'd ever done it, but I would probably need all day to deal with this shit. Once I hung up with Nathan I raced upstairs to get dressed.After throwing on a pair of jeans and a long sleeve shirt I grabbed my jacket and my brightly colored tape. Going back downstairs I picked my keys up off the table by the front door and went out onto the porch.If he hadn't left town yet he was in one of two places. The first one being across the street in the woods. I knew if he was there then he wouldn't let me get far on my own so I just needed to wander around a bit.Going across the street I didn't say a word. He wouldn't come if I called I'm sure. Checking my watch I gave him an hour to stop me. If he didn't I would know he wasn't here.I set out then making sure to mark my trail with the tape so I wouldn't get lost this time. I spent an hour just wandering around. Turning different directions every few feet.When the hour was up he'd not shown himself so I headed back to the house. Getting back I knew I had to go to the other place. I hadn't been back there since my party and as much as I didn't want to go there I had too. Of course when I found him I was going to kick his ass for making me have to go there as well.Before I left though I grabbed two duffle bags. In one I threw all of his clothes and in the other I threw some of mine.Once I was ready I went out and got into my truck and made for the Cullen house.As I drove along the driveway ten minutes later I could feel the anger get stronger. Stopping in front of the house finally I had to take a few deep breaths before I could get out, grabbing the two bags as I went.Going up the front steps I stopped at the top and threw both bags at the door. I smiled to myself as it was flung open seconds later and he stood shocked on the other side.He started to open his mouth but I stopped him with a "don't." Snapping his mouth shut I continued. "I'll talk and you'll listen. You have nothing to say to me right now that will make this better anyway. Understand?"He nodded slowly the shocked look back on his face."I thought you were better than this. In the months you've been back in my life you've said that you wouldn't go anywhere until I asked you too. Well guess what I didn't fucking ask. I refuse to go back to being alone. I refuse to lay down and take someone walking out of my fucking life again like I mean nothing. I refuse to go back to the sniveling little fucking girl that curled up in a ball the last time you all left me. If you want to leave town that's fine, but you better go find a fucking cave somewhere that I can't get to because believe me when I say if not I will fucking find you. It may not be in a week or a month or even a fucking year, but one day you will turn around and I'll be there and you can bet that when I do I will find some way to kick your ass up one side and down the other."I know you're standing there itching to have your say about what happened. Well guess what you don't get a say this time. You don't get to apologize and tell me how you knew this was going to happen. You don't get my forgiveness because just like last time there is nothing to fucking forgive."I won't let go as easily as I did last time. I didn't fight and I ended up losing myself. I lost who I was and I won't ever get her back, but that's okay because who I am now is better. You can bet your sweet ass I will fight for your friendship. I won't let you go back to being the self deprecating, loathsome, brooding ass you were before. You need me just as much as I need you if not more and if that means that every month we have an episode where you try and kill me until you learn that you aren't the monster that I know you've been calling yourself since last night then so be it."I will be there after every fucking one telling you its okay and I'm not going anywhere. I will be as you say, 'stuck to you like glue'. If you want to move out of my house and back to the woods then I need to go shopping because I'll need a fucking tent and I will bitch at you every morning for making me sleep on the ground. If you want to move in here as much as I don't I will if I have to. I will dog your every step until you pull your head out of your ass and get back to where you belong."You don't get to promise me shit and show me how much fun there is out there in this world or the person I know you to be and then take it back when life gets hard. Life isn't fair you of all people should know that and it will either push us down or make us stronger and in our case it has done both. I refuse to let it push us down again."There is nothing in this world more important to me anymore than you. You are my best friend and I won't let you destroy that. You can argue until your blue in the face and since that won't ever happen you might as well stop before you even get started because nothing you can say will make me change my mind. So suck it up, deal with whatever shit you need to deal with in your head right now, and move the fuck on because I'll be damn if I let you go one more hour away from me."I was out of steam now, said everything I needed to, and the only response that would keep me from breaking my hand when I punched him was him picking up our bags and saying let's go home.We stood staring at each for what seemed like fucking ever before he sighed. Tensing I waited for whatever was coming. My eyes followed him as he bent down and picked up our bags."So since it appears you're off for the day do you want to stop for more gas for the motorcycle?" He asked smiling over at me a little.All I could do was nod now that I knew he wasn't going to be difficult. I walked back down the steps, but when I got to the bottom I felt his hand on my elbow and turning me around before I was wrapped in a hug."Thank you." He said.I nodded against his chest and whispered knowing he would hear me. "You're welcome, but don't you ever fucking do that to me again.""I won't. You're scary as hell when you're that pissed off. It was worse than when I first came back."I laughed out then and I felt his body shake as he too started laughing.We broke apart a few seconds later and he threw his arm around my shoulders as we walked to the truck."You're my best friend too, you know that right?""Of course I am. I wouldn't put up with your shit if I wasn't." I said as I pulled my door open.He shook his head throwing our bags in the back before shutting my door and going around to the passenger side.As he got in he said, "You technically didn't put up with my shit. If you had there wouldn't be two bags sitting in the back and I wouldn't be going back home.""True." I said back as I started the engine and turned my truck around.We drove back to the house, stopping for gas along the way. Once we got home we spent the rest of the afternoon with me riding the bike again. Fortunately we didn't have an episode like the day before and at 5 I made Jasper cook me breakfast since he wasn't there this morning.Of course he made my favorite and while I ate my French toast he asked, "What ended up being hurt yesterday?""My leg. It was fine once I showered and put a bandage on it.""I'm s…" I cut my eyes up to him and he quickly changed what he was going to say. "I'm syrupy I'm going to shower.""Nice save." I called since he was already halfway up the stairs. I heard his laugh as he shut the bathroom door.Once I finished eating I washed my plate and went into the living room. When Jasper came down not syrupy anymore we watched our skydiving video and Casablanca before I decided to head to bed.After wishing Jasper a good night and giving him a look that said he better fucking be here in the morning I took a quick shower and crawled under the covers, falling asleep almost instantly.JasperHoly fucking shit. Bella handed me my ass and I'd never been more proud of someone in my life and it's been a fucking long one.Everything she'd said and called me out on today had been spot on. It still killed me to know that if she hadn't of spoken she wouldn't be upstairs sleeping right now, but I knew if I voiced that she would find a way to kick my ass just like she said she would.When I'd left the yard yesterday I'd ran almost to Canada taking down a mountain lion and a bear on my way before I'd fallen to the ground. I'd lain curled into a ball for hours, not wanting to move or think about what had happened. Of course my brain wouldn't turn off and I lay there telling myself over and over that she wouldn't want me around any more so when I'd finally pulled myself up I went back to the Cullen House.I could have gone to the woods like before, but I wouldn't be able to hear her cry, if that was going on, without doing something about it and it would have just made things worse. Or so I thought anyway.Nothing could have been further from the truth though and every word out of her mouth had been a contradiction to what I had convinced myself she was feeling.Every thing she'd said had made me see that Bella had come such a long way since I'd been back. The fact that she was standing there fighting for me and our friendship proved that completely.It showed me that the shy girl who'd first come to the house that first time all innocent and sweet was dead. She'd died when not only Edward had left, but when we all had left. In its place though was something far greater than anyone could ever imagine. A spitfire of a woman who'd had her heart broken into a million pieces and after putting it back together had decided that no matter what she wouldn't let it happen again.She was someone that was going to fight tooth and nail for what she believed in now and that was me. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that that belief would be what would make me finally be the person she saw when she looked at me, the human being I used to be and not the monster that I had become all those years ago.I was going to make sure that nothing like what happened yesterday would ever happen again I would use everything I had to find the control that was somewhere inside of me from now on. It was there, always had been and Bella was the only one that could make me finally see that.She trusted me completely and I would make damn sure that I kept that trust. It was the best feeling in the world knowing that she wasn't ever going to give up on our friendship, no matter what mistakes I might make in the future. As she had said nothing I could ever say or do would make her change her mind and because of that I would fight just like she would.Fight for and keep the one true friendship that means more to me than anything else in this world. There is no one out there more important than her. There is no one out there that has as big a heart as she does. And there is no one out there that can even come close to being the person that she is.She integrated herself into my life when I came back even though she didn't know it at the time it didn't matter because I did. Granted I didn't realize just how much she had until today when she showed up at the house.As she had stood there spitting out all that fire at me I knew that whatever pain and hurt we'd been through with everything that had happened had been worth it because where we were now was so much better than where we had been. We were both stronger people now and nothing would ever change that.The episode yesterday would be forgotten and never brought up again. We would go on continuing our list and have the fun and life that we both deserved. And when the day comes that it's either her dying or me changing her I will be the biggest selfish bastard you can find and bite her without hesitation."Hey," A groggy voice spoke behind me. I hadn't even heard her come down."Hey." I said turning to look at her over my shoulder. "What are you doing awake?" I asked after glancing at the clock and noting the 2:30am time."I don't know."She turned around and walked into the kitchen then. I heard the fridge open and close but she didn't return to the living room.Letting my mind go I felt for her emotions and didn't like what I found. She was worried, sad, and scared.Standing up I walked into the kitchen to find her staring out the kitchen window into the backyard."What's the matter?" I asked stopping behind her."Nothing.""Don't lie to me Bella.""It's stupid.""No it's not.""I just had a dream is all. It's not important.""It is if it makes you feel like you are. What was it about?"She didn't say anything at first, just continued to stare out the window. I could see her face in the reflection of the glass and even if I couldn't feel the sadness coming off her I would know it was there from the tears that had silently begun to fall.When she finally started to talk it hit me the hurt I'd caused by not coming home was greater than what I had thought it would be. Her anger had overshadowed it, but now that it was no longer there the sadness was blaringly obvious."It was a dream I started having after I realized none of you were coming back. It was always the same. I would be coming over, so excited to spend the day at the house with all of you. I didn't bother me what Alice had in store or anything, that Emmett would pick on me, that Edward would turn me down yet again, that you and Rose would pretty much ignore me, or that Carlisle and Esme would ask tons of questions wanting to know if I was taking care of myself. None of that mattered because I would be with the people I loved."And like always as soon as I stepped out of my truck something felt different. It was like something was off, but I couldn't put my finger on what it was. It's not that feeling you get when you think you forgot something, but of you know something is about to happen and you're powerless to stop it."Instead of getting back in my truck and going home I continue to walk up to the house, dread creeping up on me more and more. When I get to the porch I can see through the big window by the door and all of you are there."None of you acknowledge that you know I'm there even though I know that you do and I always smile. I can't help myself because all of you are doing what you enjoy most. Edward is at the piano, Emmett's playing a video game, Alice is looking at a fashion magazine, Rose is tinkering with some car part, Carlisle is cleaning out his doctor's bag, Esme is looking at blueprints, and you're reading a book. I stand and just watch loving every one of you so much."Then the dread comes back full force and one by one you all finally look up at me. None of you smile or show any sign that you're glad I'm there."And then one by one you all stand up, turning your backs on me and walk away disappearing from my sight. Edward is always first, followed by Rose, Alice, Emmett, Carlisle, Esme, and you. You are always last."As soon as you're gone I wake up devastated and alone. I haven't had the dream in a while. I couldn't even tell you when really they just kind of stopped and I'm sure it only came back now because of what happened, but Jasper I don't like it. I can't go back to having that dream anymore. It will break me all over again and I've been broken enough."I didn't to know what to say when she stopped. I don't think there were words really that could make it better for her. The only thing I could think of to do in that moment I did. Wrapping my arms around her shoulders I pulled her back flush with my chest and just held on. Her hands stayed by her side at first while she cried letting everything out, but eventually they came up to hold onto my arms and her crying continued.After about thirty or forty five minutes of standing there I could feel her exhaustion and she still showed no signs of stopping her tears. I pulled back just enough to scoop her up in a bridal hold before walking back to the living room and sitting on the sofa. Another hour passed before sleep finally claimed her and I continued to hold on.As the sky lightened I watched Bella sleeping. Her face was peaceful now, but still held the dried track marks. I knew that what she'd poured out only hours ago had been nothing compared to what she went through last time, but it was bad enough. I hoped this wouldn't set her back, but if it did things would be different. This time she wouldn't have to go through it alone. I was here now and I wasn't going anywhere.
