We got you

Chapter 4

Raindrops fly against the window Y/N stands in front of. She's in the common room and looks out. Her gaze flies over New York, deep in her thoughts. She doesn't know how long she's already here but her feet start to hurt, and she figures that it has to be more than an hour. Still, she doesn't want to move. The windows and the sight calm her thoughts. It's the day of the year Y/N hates the most. Days before the date of today she starts feeling depressed. Her best friend knows that and always starts to try to cheer her up but since she spends more and more time at the tower, she sees her less and less. They text each other and Y/N got several texts from her already, but she just ignores them. She finds that her friend will understand and as soon as the next day has passed, she will call her or meet up to talk to her about it. Today is the day Y/N and her brothers lost so much. On this day, years back, her parents died. Y/N feels tears in her eyes and a lump in her throat as she swallows to fight against the tears. She hadn't told the other what a day it is and up until now she managed to either get out of the way of everyone or make conversations as short as possible so that nobody caught on her emotionally mood. She's deep in her thoughts again, so she doesn't hear the steps and the laughter in the hall. Only as the door opens and the laughter fills the room, she turns around and wipes her eyes. She's met with several faces of confusion as the others caught up on her presence and the laughter dies immediately as they see the tears in her eyes. "Y/N?" Wanda makes a step to her but Y/N shakes her head. Steve and Sam exchange a look and Bucky grabs Nat's wrist as she, too, tries to step forward to Y/N. "I-I'm fine. S-Sorry." Y/N shakes her head and walks past them. Out of the room and the awkward situation and to her room. She opens the door and closes it behind her. "FRIDAY, can you tell everybody to leave me alone for today?"

"Sure, Miss Y/N."

"And can you not tell them about what a day it is today? I know that Tony already knows. He sticks his nose everywhere- Just make sure the others don't know. I don't want to be pitied."

"I can't guarantee for them to find out on their own but I won't tell them. Do you wish for me to get lunch and dinner up to your room or do you like to join the others?"

"To my room, please. Thank you, FRIDAY."

"No problem." She sighs and walks to her bed. She sits down on the edge and let silent tears stream down her cheek. She knows it's pathetic after these many years to cry over the loss, but she's still as sad as she was on the day, she got the massage. She was never really allowed herself to mourn the way she needs to because she felt the pressure and duty to care for her siblings. Normally, they would all come together at the grave each year, no matter of the weather but this year Y/N doesn't have the energy to do so. This year would be the first year when she's not going to visit them. She knows very well that her brothers will wait for her and that they start to worry before they get angry because she doesn't show up and won't give them an explanation why she's not coming. But it doesn't matter to her. She's in a hole where no one is able to pull her out of. She is depressed, and she won't ask for help because there is no one who could help her. She knows that Steve, Bucky or the others are there for her, but she's just not comfortable asking for help. So, she won't. At some point she had drifted off on her bed after laying down. As she opens her eyes its past lunch. She's not really hungry, so she just decides to stay in bed as a knock sounds on her door. She's silent but it knocks again and again and gets louder and louder each time. "Y/N! If you're not going to open, I break this door." Bucky's voice sounds through the wood. Y/N closes her eyes and breathes out before standing up and opening the door. She's greeted with Bucky's expressionless face. He holds a tray witch eggs, juice, coffee and a package of tissues. "Are you going to stare or can I come in?"

"If you have to."

"I have to." Y/N looks into his eyes and reluctantly steps aside to let him in. She watches as he walks to her bed and places the tray on the mattress. He turns around and crosses his arms. They stare at each other for a moment. No one says anything. Then she lets her head hand and looks at her feet. "You're not asking what's up with me?"