C L O S E R || hwang hyunjin

𝑇𝑟𝑎𝑔𝑒𝑑𝑦

"Why did he do it?" I repeated in my head, over and over.
I tossed around my thoughts as I lowered my head in the halls.
going from class to class. I held onto the books in my arms. I refused to look up.
I felt as if my heart would jump out if I saw anyone.

I didn't know why it bothered me so much. Why him saying those words bothered me so much.
Something that simple could make that great impact on me.

"But...why though?" I whispered to myself as I looked up and noticed, I had almost run into Changbin. He turned around and was shocked to see me.
"Annie!" He scratched his head. "I haven't seen you in quite a bit of time..where have you been most of the day? You weren't showing up for class.." Changbin started to drift off in conversation with me and had left Felix and Minho behind.
"Uh.." I struggled to say. I made a quick cough, clearing the back of my throat. "Yeah, I was just uhh.." I tried to come up with an excuse, I quickly looked around avoiding looking at his face.
"You just..?" Changbin let out a nervous laugh. I didn't know how much time had passed but it was quite a bit. I shook my head. "Just in the bathroom, haha. I wasn't feeling well." I scratched my head. 
"Ah, gotcha." He shuffled his hands in his hoodie pockets. "You are feeling better now, though. Right?" 
"Yeah." I made a quick nod. I felt uneasy. Like Hyunjin was going to pop out of nowhere, or I would see Seungmin. 
I was still so confused in my mind: "What exactly were they doing?" 
In the corner of my eye, I saw Hyunjin walk out of a classroom, by himself. Looking down the halls, like he was looking for something. I looked away, trying to hide my face from him. Changbin had noticed. "Hey..is there something going on between you and Hyunjin?" He said loudly. I quickly tried to quiet him down. I looked in the corner of my eye and it looked like Hyunjin had heard us. I quickly locked arms with Changbin and walked in the opposite direction.
I dragged his feat to out the school doors. His voice chattering. "uh, what're you doing?" he repeated. I quickly let go of his arm.
I took a deep breath. "Sorry, I had to get us out of there quick." I put my hair behind my ear.
"You've been quite silent the past few days, so I was just wondering." Changbin made a nervous laugh. I looked up at him and saw the genuine look on his face. I felt a bit better seeing him there with me.
"I just heard something, that's all. I don't think he wants to be my friend anymore." I scratched my head and put a smile on my face to try to laugh it off.
Changbin looked shocked by what I said. "There's no way." He shrugged.
"Hyunjin only ever wants to talk to you, why does he suddenly change his mind?" We started to walk across the campus side by side. 
"Well...uh the thing is I don't know why. That is what's bothering me." I looked down at my stained white sneakers.
"Ah, then you don't have to worry. You are just overthinking it, right? You might have misheard something." Changbin shrugged back.
"I don't know.." I mumbled. I knew there was something more than that. I knew I was right but I wasn't sure why. It tugged on my heart, and the sadness started to show on my face. Changbin leaned in, trying to cheer me up.
"Uh..want to go for some ice cream? We actually haven't been able to hang out outside of school." Changbin looked ahead, with a slight smile on his face. I made a quick nod.
"It would be cool to actually socialize with someone." I made a small joke. We had walked out of the school campus, it didn't feel like my time was passing this quick. But, it was.
"Ice cream in winter, though? It's almost Christmas." I laughed as we approached a sweets shop in town. (bro this city has so many neat cafes and restaurants lol) We stood in line inside.
I felt the chill not only from the winter air but from the ice cream air.
It was always naturally cold in there. I crossed my arms, trying to create warmth for myself. I let out a deep breath.
"We can go get something else if you'd like," Changbin suggested. He looked a bit cold, too. 
"If you want it, that's fine." We stood there in line. I looked to the ground. "I still don't want to lose the friendships I've made, I don't want to be isolated again like I was before," I told myself in my head. 
"Uh, yeah. Would you like to get an actual meal, instead?" Changbin sounded impatient. He tugged on his hoodie.
"Yeah, as long as it's warm." I made a small laugh. He led me out of the ice cream shop and we walked down the sidewalk.
"Sorry about that, I just randomly thought of ice cream so I could try and help you in some way." He shyly looked to the ground and brushed the back of his head.
"Haha, it's okay." I made a small smile. We walked into a restaurant. The warmth from the grills hit my face as I walked in. I smelled the spices and meat in the air.
I took a deep breath. "this smells good, ah~" A small smile grew on my face. Changbin made a small smile at me as we walked to the table. There were lots of people around.
"It's just quick food if you don't mind." Changbin shuffled with his things. I made a quick nod. "It's fine. It's just nice to be out, I guess." I scratched my head.
We ordered and got out burgers brought out to us. "Thank you," I told the waiter softly.
"Sorry, this is kinda awkward. I don't mean to bother you like this." I started to worry. "You don't have to apologize for anything, I actually wanted to hang out with you anyway." Changbin made a quick cough and avoided eye contact with me. 
He started to eat. It looked like something was on his mind."I wonder what he is thinking..does he know anything...?" 
It was quiet for a while. Then he broke the silence with a question: "So..uh, how's your mom?"
"Still the same, I guess. They will be putting her in the hospital for the rest of the time being, though so there's that." I felt my chest was heavy, it was something I couldn't avoid.
"Ah, gotcha. " He seemed a bit uncomfortable talking about it. I made a quick cough. "So, how are things with your family?"
"Uh, fine." He quickly shrugged and made a quick smile. I could tell by his frantic expressions, something was on his mind.
"Is everything okay?" I tried to get him to look at me. His eyes moved up to my face. "Yeah yeah, just something is on my mind that's all." Changbin made a small laugh and took another bite. I continued to eat, too.
As I walked down the street, on my way back home. Changbin had parted to go back to his home too. 
"That was nice," I muttered to myself as I kept my head down pointed at my feet. "It was good to hang out with him." 
Though I liked spending time with him, There was something deep in my chest that I was missing. I suddenly pictured Hyunjin in my mind, and a moment of him laughing, with his hoodie on, packed snow in his hands about to throw it. The picture of the bright smile on his face. 
I felt my heart palpitate. I stopped for a second and held onto my heart. "Why am I thinking about him now? he wants nothing to do with me..so I can't like him. I shouldn't." The thought ran in my head, and I had noticed that I wanted to be close by him, I wanted to learn more about him. But, that's something that I cannot do and by that thought, I felt a grip on my heart. 
I started to get closer to my house. But, as I passed by a yard of a house I heard talking from behind the fence. I passed by and noticed the gate was slightly opened. I looked up and realized it was the yard to Hyunjin's house. I started to feel nervousness in my chest. My steps slowed down as I tried to peak in the gate to see. I saw Hyunjin playing ball with his younger brothers.
He looked kind of blank, but the calm expression on his face. I couldn't pull away. "Stop Annie..this is creepy," I yelled at myself and tried to get myself to walk away. But, then I accidentally banged my foot up against the sidewalk. 
Biting my lip so I didn't scream.
"What was that?" I heard one of his brothers say. I quickly hopped away on one foot as they quickly swung open the gate. I hid behind a large tree that was in between both houses. 
"Ah, must have been a squirrel or something." I heard Hyunjin say lightly as they turned back and walked into their house. I let out a large sigh of relief. "That was close..I can't even imagine what would happen if he saw me..he'd probably get mad." I pondered in my head. I slowly made my way towards my house. I took off my shoes as I walked in. I saw Jisung sweeping up the house.
"You're cleaning?" I was shocked.
"Yeah, I want to be more productive for once..like, I want to do it for mom, you know..?" Jisung had a slight smile on his face but I could hear the sigh in his voice. "So uh, you're back late." Jisung caught me before I went to my room. "Uh, yeah I was out with my friend." I quickly looked at my phone and I saw it was almost ten at night." I was shocked by the time.
"for that many hours?"
I quickly looked outside, which seemed to have been light when I walked in, was dark. I felt a shake in my heart. Jisung was confused. He put the broom down. I leaned up against the window. "it was just six...wasn't it? I was just outside and it was light..there's no way that much time had passed." I gulped.
"Something is going on, and I am not sure what." It continued to bother me.
"What do you mean?" Jisung approached me. 
"Time is going by so fast, its like I am frozen in time." I started to get a sharp pain in my head. I gripped onto my head. I felt my heart rising. "Oh, wait..did you just say that your time feels frozen..?" Jisung looked panicked. He looked at me with such concern.
"Right." I nodded then quickly tightening my eyes because the pain in my head started to get worse.
"I can't believe that means you could've found.." Jisung threw his arms in the air with a large sigh. "Did you find it?" 
I glanced over at him. "Find what? You're making no sense." I shook my head. 
Jisung started to pace around. "I never explained it to you. What I was in search for."
"Search for?"
"Years ago when I got hurt, I was searching for something. I never explained to you before but I never thought you could've  found it."
"Jisung," I placed my hand on Jisung's shoulder, trying to get him to stay still. "You're making no sense. Please tell me what  you mean, slowly." My eyes could barely focus on him. 
Jisung took a deep breath. "I don't know. I could be overthinking things. Maybe I am just hoping for it." 
Jisung's head looked down. "What was it you were looking for?" I started to think: "What does he mean...the thing he was searching for..and what did I find?" 
"I was on the search for awhile doing dangerous things looking for this one object I read about, that can help slow down one person's time." Jisung shrugged back with a large sigh. "I never found it, so I thought it didn't exist. But, I still had that hunch. I was hoping I could use the object to slow down mom's time so we can have more time with her." Jisung's voice started to tremble.
"Oh.." By what he was saying, I was a bit confused. "Wait wait wait...an object you read about? How did you know it was real or not...?" a small voice came out of me. As the thoughts rummaged around in me. "Is that why all my time has been getting slower but faster..?" I muttered to myself.
"Well, I researched it in multiple books, and I was quite the science nerd back in my school days if you didn't know." Jisung made a quick smile to show his small cheeks. "Anyways, they never explained what or how the object looked, but it's a thing that has been passed down through history and has affected so many people but it's always been considered fiction because everyone thought that one person was insane. But, I believed it, I wanted to find it. But, I just wasted time instead." Jisung let out a sigh. By what he was saying, I started to bite my nails. "But, what could the object be? Like I don't have something that's constantly been on me..or anything." my thoughts started to wonder. For some reason, at that moment, Hyunjin's face appeared in my head again. I shook my head, I started to feel even dizzier, and my heart started to pound really fast. I swayed over, but Jisung quickly jumped up and caught me. "Are you okay?" He tried to look at my face. I kept rubbing my eyes. 
"I am okay." He led me to my room so I could lay in my bed. I wrapped up in my blankets. "There's no way," I mumbled to myself. "I can't like him this much that it makes me sick...right? That hasn't happened to me before." I whined to myself as I rubbed my eyes again. "This is so weird.." I muttered as I found myself slowly falling asleep with the picture of Hyunjin's glowing smile. 
"He doesn't want anything to do with me...but why do I feel so deeply with him...?" I muttered to myself as I fell gently asleep.