The other Half of my Deen

Part 16

Nausheen: maybe.

Nahida auntie: yes or no.

Nausheen: I don't know auntie. Please give me some time. And before that tell me why he left me the last time.

Nahida auntie: Rayyan never wanted to go. He was forced. His dad lived in Dubai. His parents had separated a year before he met you. His father wanted Rayyan to marry his niece. Rayyan didn't want it.

A week before your engagement with him, he called his dad to tell him about you. And in an hour after the phone call Rayyan's dad passed away. Rayyan was guilty. He thought that his dad had died because of him. And so he agreed to marry his cousin who lived there. I don't know if he got married to her or not. But he came back to India. He knew that you were married. He thought that he had lost you forever.

I think Numara told him whatever she knew. She had told him that you're married but she didn't tell him about zaahir's death. He didn't want to ruin your life by coming back.

Nausheen: whatever it is auntie. I don't know. I'm still not sure if I want to marry at all.

Nahida auntie: Zaahir wanted you to marry him. Is that a good enough reason? For you to marry Rayyan?

Nausheen: what?

Nahida: Zaahir wanted to marry you since you were 18. He had told me. I told him to wait till you finished your education and then Rayyan asked you for marriage. Zaahir asked me to keep quiet since he liked Rayyan, he liked Rayyan enough to let you marry him. Zaahir and Rayyan studied together in college. Rayyan was his class fellow. He used to see you and Rayyan together in college.

I started crying. Zaahir was a better man than I thought he was. I didn't even deserve him.

Nausheen: mum why didn't you tell this to me before?

Nahida auntie: there was no need to. Now we all want this. Your Ammi, Abba, Omar and me.

Nausheen: because Zaahir wanted this. And Rayyan is certainly a nice man if Zaahir thought so. I'll do istikharah and let you all know.

Nahida auntie: InshaAllah everything will be good.

I prayed istikharah and then I only get better. I used to feel good and positively about Rayyan now. Though initially it was an absolute no. I met Rayyan once before saying yes just to be sure.

Nausheen: I won't ever be able to love you like I loved zaahir.

Rayyan: even I won't ever be able to love you like he loved you.

Nausheen: you don't understand. It's easy said than done. You love me and I won't be able love you back.

Rayyan: you loved zaahir?

Nausheen: yes. I still love him.

Rayyan: He won't come back now. He can't return the love to you. You can still love him. My love is at least alive and in front of me. Don't you think it's much easier for me?

I just smile at him for saying this. It was the first time in the last one year that I had smiled.

I told nahida auntie I'm ready for marriage and so the wedding got fixed for the next month. It would be a simple affair. With only our immediate families. Zain, ammi, abba, mum and omar. Rayyan wanted to live with us in my house after marriage and nahida auntie agreed. I was so happy Rayyan thought so much for auntie and Omar.

I lived in the same room as before. I still had the muffler I had made for zaahir. And the most important thing Rayyan loved Sufyan more than what Zaahir would if he was alive. Sufyan loves Rayyan too. Rayyan loves me a lot. Maybe little less than what Zaahir would and I love him a lot lesser than how much I love zaahir.

But all of this just taught me a lesson to never feel hopeless. Allah is there and if you ask Allah for a solution and look for it really. You'll actually find it.

After a month of our marriage Rayyan told me that his mom wasn't happy about his marriage. No wonder none of his family members had attended our nikah.

I was shocked. The last time she came to see me she was so happy. She had promised my parents to keep me just like one of her daughters.

I wanted Shameem auntie ( Rayyan's mom ) to like me and so I told Rayyan to take me to Delhi for some days. So that I could stay with auntie and she got a chance to like me again.

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